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And that chain is binding you to that
person and they’re still winning,

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they’re still controlling you.

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So I always say to, um, people
that I coach and stuff, You gotta

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picture like these giant bolt
cutters and you just gotta cut that.

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You gotta cut that chain and move
forward and look forward, not

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back.

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Today, we are speaking with Kimber Foster.

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She is the author of Year of Thorns.

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Kimber, could you please
introduce yourself?

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And let people know just a
little more about you, please?

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Hi.

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Thank you so much for having
me, I’m honored to be here.

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Um, yeah, I am the author of Year of
Thorns, What to Expect When Divorcing

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A Narcissist, and I also wrote The
Divorce Checklist, The Ultimate Survival

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Guide to Freedom From A Narcissist.

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Um, a little about me, I was married
thirty years in a toxic relationship and

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finally found the courage to break free.

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And I took my year of struggle, it
was my, essentially my journal and

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I turned it into book, into a book.

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And it’s meant to help others.

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And not only was it therapeutic for me,
but it was important that I understood

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what I went through so that I can
move forward and help other people.

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I’m so glad that you wrote things
down and that gives you clarity later.

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You know, it, it’s really interesting.

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So many people nowadays live with
narcissistic people in their lives.

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It’s like we’re breeding
narcissism wherever we go anymore.

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It’s interesting, you say through
this journey of yours, you found

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seventeen common emotional manipulative,

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you found seventeen common
manipulative tactics

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for people to be aware of
about narcissistic behavior.

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Could you please outline
some of those for us?

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Sure.

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Well, when I was going through
the process, I had no idea I

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was married to a narcissist.

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Like you said, it’s become mainstream.

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I call it the N word now.

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But I had no idea I was
married to a narcissist.

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All I knew at the time was that
I had lost myself, I became a

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shell of the person I once was.

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I felt crazy, and I was so depressed,
and I knew I needed to make a change.

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Um, and so I decided to get
divorced and take that step.

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Um, but I did keep a journal and it saved
me so many times, I can’t even tell you.

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But it wasn’t until after when
I started reading information

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about what a narcissist is, I
realized my story wasn’t unique.

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It was textbook.

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I even have a degree in psychology and I
didn’t even see it and, not until after.

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Um, so I started researching and reading
everything I could get my hands on.

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Actually it started, my girlfriend
was going through a divorce and she

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said she was being verbally abused.

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And I said, Well, what’s that?

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And she gave me this book called
The Verbally Abusive Relationship,

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and I said, Wow, that’s me.

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And so it led to the next book,
the next book, and I said,

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Wow, you know, I’m textbook.

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My story is not unique.

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So when I decided to write
my book, it was driven.

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I swear, like God said, You
need to write this, not only

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for myself, but to help others.

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That I identified these
manipulative tactics.

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I said, Oh, that’s gaslighting,
or alienation, or manipulative

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tactics that he used consistently.

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So I went through and I put those
back into my book, in my journal.

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So it’s kind of like I’m flipping back
and forth between the past and the future.

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Because I said, Oh, he
did this, this, and this.

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This is an example of gaslighting.

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Or, you know, we moved every three
years and so I was, um, didn’t

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have a good support base or, um, a
refuge of people that I could go to.

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You know, that’s alienation.

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Um, and any time that, um, he would
do things that I would question

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his behavior or say, You know, I’m
hurt, he would project back on me.

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There’s so many things, I could go on
for hours, but, um, my book is pretty

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clear at giving some specific guidelines.

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Yeah.

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So, so how do you identify if you’re in
a narcissistic relationship and if you

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should have a exit strategy for that?

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Yeah.

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Well, I didn’t know.

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Like I said, I had no idea I
was married to a narcissist.

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Um, it, I was, we were
together thirty years.

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And sure there were red
flags along the way, but

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it’s, it’s not something you
say, Oh, you’re a narcissist.

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They’re very controlling,
they’re very smart, they’re very

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manipulative and controlling.

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And at first it starts off like a
honeymoon phase, they almost morph

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into what you need them to be.

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And they’re very good at picking
on people who, or like for

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me, I was a people pleaser.

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Um, or people that are codependent,
or kind, or, you know, people let

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things go, don’t set proper boundaries.

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Um, so they tend to prey
on that type of person.

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So for me, you know, I, I saw
red flags, but I let things go.

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And then later on when those, when I
tried to set boundaries, the narcissistic

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person would just push back even harder.

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So it’s just, it’s, it’s, it, it, you
know, thirty years, it’s a long time.

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And I was conditioned, and
yeah, it was a struggle.

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Well, I understand.

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You know, the attachment that,
that’s definite, you know, after

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that long.

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Uh, I’ve been with my wife, we’ve
been married forty years in September.

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And I’ll tell you, it’s, it’s not easy.

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And there was many times that both of
us wanted to put a lid on that can.

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And we really fought back and we
discovered our own dirt, per se.

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And we, we really started
uncovering how to change ourselves.

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Was there any attempt by your
husband or yourself to do any

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of that self clearing work?

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Well, he, we had, you know, as in any
marriage, you have your struggles,

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you have your ups and downs.

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But with a narcissist and a narcissistic
psychopath, they lack empathy.

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They will take no accountability.

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So when things got really bad, you
know, I suggested we seek counseling.

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Um, which we did, but it, it was futile.

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Like I said, he would
never take accountability.

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It was more, uh, pointing fingers saying,
you know, She does this, she does that.

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Um, and it just was futile and it
took me a while to realize that.

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Um, and finally I just went
out and had therapy on my own.

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I knew it was never gonna work with him.

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They, they won’t change, they never will
because there’s nothing wrong with them.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, that’s, that’s huge actually.

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Uh, so one of those big key
things to be mindful of is

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accountability in a relationship.

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If somebody’s not going to be accountable,
we should actually hold them accountable.

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And that’s tough to do at times.

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But I, I know from experience when
I did that with my own relationship,

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things started to change and get better.

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So, that, I really believe is one of
those key things we should be aware

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of is are you trying to be accountable
for your own actions in your life?

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Or even, yeah.

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Or validating, validating
a person’s feelings.

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If you say, you know, This hurt my
feelings, it’s not attacking someone.

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But just saying, you know, Your
actions hurt my feelings, or

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whatever, just validating those
feelings, a narcissist won’t do that.

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They’ll say, Well, you’re blowing
everything out of proportion.

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You are exaggerating.

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They’ll belittle what you’re feeling.

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And that’s where the accountability
doesn’t come into play.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I, I, I’ve, I’ve had that play out in my
own relationship, so I understand that.

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And it was hard, you know, a male ego at
times to say, Yeah, I am accountable, and

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I, I did that, and I should change that.

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Uh, I don’t know why that’s so hard
for males to do at times, but it, it

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tends to be one of those things that
we have to really own up to ourselves.

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And, you know, I, I don’t like
to put name tags or labels on the

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sexes because we’re definitely, both
sides, are guilty of these things.

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But being, being accountable and owning
up to our own actions really does help

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drive a relationship forward into new

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territories.

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And you can discover new things
about yourselves when you do open up.

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Have you remarried Kimber?

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No, I haven’t.

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I’ve been single now for seven years.

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Uh, it’s been a journey.

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I mean, when you leave or break free from
a narcissist, you can bet they already

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have another supply already set up.

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But for a person that’s recovering,
it takes years because you’ve

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been conditioned for so long
to feel inadequate, less than.

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It was a real self journey for
me, learning to love myself again.

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And that was a big component
and the other was forgiveness.

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You know, I was so resentful.

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And I looked back and I was so
angry, not only through the, the

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divorce, which was really ugly, but
you know, thirty years of abuse.

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It takes a long time to get over something
like that and to be able to forgive.

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And, but that is really the key because
as long as you hold onto that, it’s

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almost like you’re holding a chain.

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And that chain is binding you to that
person and they’re still winning,

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they’re still controlling you.

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So I always say to, um, people
that I coach and stuff, You gotta

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picture like these giant bolt
cutters and you just gotta cut that.

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You gotta cut that chain and move
forward and look forward, not back.

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Yep.

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That, that’s absolutely correct.

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I believe that a hundred percent.

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I have a theory, it’s called
the Muddy Shoe Life Theory.

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And

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our life is like we’re walking
down a trail with a muddy shoe and

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people, places and things, it’s that
heavy mud that we walked through.

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And if you’ve walked through heavy mud,
you know, it collects on your feet.

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And it can get very heavy
and it can tire you out.

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So you have to wipe it off,
get rid of the heavy mud.

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The good mud stays with you.

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But if you keep packing that
heavy mud, your journey’s going

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to be long, it’s gonna be arduous.

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And really if you wipe it off, you’re
going to feel refreshed and you can

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make it to the end of your journey
without all of that heavy mud.

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So I, I think that, yeah,
uh, it’s a good analogy.

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Do, uh, spread it, it, it’s like wildfire.

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But really, it, it, we have to do that.

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That stuff gets heavy.

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And if, if you learn to wipe it off,
which is not easy at times because of

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that attachment you were talking about,
uh, so yeah, when we get through life

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without a bunch of worries, headaches,
it can be fun, it can be exciting.

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And I’m, I’m just now learning that
and I’m close to sixty, so, you know,

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if we can share what we’ve learned
to the younger generation, we’re

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bridge builders and we can help people
discover life doesn’t have to be

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the way that we’ve experienced it.

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So,

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That’s true.

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Yeah, it’s really good to take no offense.

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Yeah, sorry.

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I just said it’s really important
not to take offense to everything

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instead of looking at people
with grace and compassion.

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And it’s amazing how much more free
and how much lighter your heart

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and your soul feel after all that.

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Yes.

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So yeah, lighten your load.

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You, you don’t have to
be a people pleaser.

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It, it’s one of those things as we
get older, we learn that pleasing

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people doesn’t necessarily mean
we’re going to please ourselves.

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And that’s really where joy is and that’s
not being narcissistic or have have

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these, you know, egotistical thoughts.

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It, it just means that you can be
happy in your life and be free from

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all of that by standing up to life.

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And, and that really means when we
are in one of those relationships,

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we have to set boundaries.

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00:15:54,785 –> 00:16:00,045
And if we can’t set boundaries,
our life’s not going to get better.

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And, and those little things, you know,
and you know through living with each

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other, incrementally, things can pile up.

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Don’t be afraid to talk about
those things that bug you.

220
00:16:20,385 –> 00:16:27,445
And if, if they’re not willing to really
take a deep dive and try to change

221
00:16:27,555 –> 00:16:31,415
that, is that relationship worth it?

222
00:16:33,310 –> 00:16:35,230
I, I think that’s really a lesson.

223
00:16:37,290 –> 00:16:43,230
And, and, and really you, you need
to be able to identify that in

224
00:16:43,230 –> 00:16:46,070
order to be happy in a relationship.

225
00:16:47,240 –> 00:16:50,270
Men and women are different,
totally different.

226
00:16:51,130 –> 00:16:58,230
And I, I know that some of the things
that I do drive my wife batty and

227
00:16:58,410 –> 00:17:03,640
it, it’s something I don’t intend
to do and I never want to do it.

228
00:17:04,590 –> 00:17:07,319
However, it’s reciprocal.

229
00:17:07,940 –> 00:17:09,319
It happens both ways.

230
00:17:09,620 –> 00:17:15,520
So we have to have that empathy towards
one another, and it’s hard to find.

231
00:17:17,560 –> 00:17:20,510
Could, could you explain
the book cover to me?

232
00:17:20,770 –> 00:17:24,910
Uh, I found your book cover so grabbing.

233
00:17:25,730 –> 00:17:25,760
Aah.

234
00:17:25,810 –> 00:17:26,250
Yeah,

235
00:17:29,190 –> 00:17:31,795
I have a copy right here.

236
00:17:32,695 –> 00:17:36,155
Um, I call it my Year of Thorns.

237
00:17:36,775 –> 00:17:40,355
And actually I came up with the idea
of the title from, do you remember

238
00:17:40,355 –> 00:17:42,755
that old movie War Of The Roses?

239
00:17:43,355 –> 00:17:46,635
I think it was, um, Douglas
and Kathleen Turner.

240
00:17:46,775 –> 00:17:49,035
And they fight and they
both die in the end.

241
00:17:49,145 –> 00:17:50,475
They go through a horrible divorce.

242
00:17:51,300 –> 00:17:54,600
Um, it was a movie I watched
during my divorce that that’s what

243
00:17:54,920 –> 00:17:58,720
inspired, and then, you know, my
wedding ring and the two couples.

244
00:17:58,900 –> 00:18:01,920
But, um, so that’s where that came from.

245
00:18:03,460 –> 00:18:06,080
Uh, but it’s, it, it
was my year of struggle.

246
00:18:06,360 –> 00:18:10,800
I mean, and it’s, you know,
going through those thorns,

247
00:18:10,800 –> 00:18:12,560
those trials and tribulations.

248
00:18:13,260 –> 00:18:16,800
Um, I always say, you know, Anything
that’s a challenge, anything you have

249
00:18:16,800 –> 00:18:22,330
to work for, is worth it because it
makes it that much more valuable.

250
00:18:22,649 –> 00:18:26,389
You know, my freedom now, my
joy, my happiness, I had to go

251
00:18:26,389 –> 00:18:30,229
through that, um, in order to
be happy and find my joy again.

252
00:18:31,450 –> 00:18:32,980
Yeah, but it’s worth it.

253
00:18:33,040 –> 00:18:37,860
And for so many people that are
caught in a toxic relationship,

254
00:18:38,330 –> 00:18:39,500
it’s not gonna get better.

255
00:18:40,320 –> 00:18:44,500
And they really need to push
through that fear, the fear of the

256
00:18:44,500 –> 00:18:46,100
unknown, the fear of being alone.

257
00:18:46,840 –> 00:18:51,940
Um, and you, you know, you’re gonna have
a struggle ahead, but it’s worth it.

258
00:18:52,170 –> 00:18:53,980
It’s, it’s so worth it in the end.

259
00:18:55,645 –> 00:19:00,754
Could, could you tell people
about how that was for you when

260
00:19:01,334 –> 00:19:04,875
you finally said, I’ve had enough
and you broke out on your own?

261
00:19:06,419 –> 00:19:07,149
Well, yeah.

262
00:19:07,340 –> 00:19:09,790
Well, I had a panic attack.

263
00:19:09,850 –> 00:19:12,629
It was like my body doing
that fight or flight.

264
00:19:13,270 –> 00:19:16,629
I never had one before in my
life, but I just knew that

265
00:19:16,629 –> 00:19:17,909
it was time to make a change.

266
00:19:18,340 –> 00:19:22,110
Otherwise I would’ve died, um,
either by his hand or my own.

267
00:19:22,290 –> 00:19:24,189
It was bad, it was really bad.

268
00:19:24,530 –> 00:19:30,310
And so I made the conscious effort
to leave and get divorced, but he

269
00:19:30,310 –> 00:19:31,350
wouldn’t move out of the house.

270
00:19:31,929 –> 00:19:35,385
And I didn’t have any money
or a safe place to go.

271
00:19:35,565 –> 00:19:42,065
So we were in the same house for a year,
um, going through a horrendous divorce.

272
00:19:43,045 –> 00:19:43,264
And

273
00:19:45,825 –> 00:19:50,985
I, nothing could have
prepared me for what happened.

274
00:19:51,685 –> 00:19:55,504
Um, and there’s nothing else I
could have done in hindsight either.

275
00:19:56,004 –> 00:19:59,075
Um, it was bad, it was really bad.

276
00:19:59,095 –> 00:20:02,715
And I hate to scare people, but when
you’re, you’re leaving a narcissist,

277
00:20:02,715 –> 00:20:04,355
their biggest fear is abandonment.

278
00:20:04,775 –> 00:20:08,115
And once they know you have
your foot out the door, then

279
00:20:08,115 –> 00:20:09,555
you’re in the discard phase.

280
00:20:10,135 –> 00:20:12,875
And they will do anything in
their power to take you down.

281
00:20:13,705 –> 00:20:16,035
It’s, you know, there’s no mercy.

282
00:20:16,145 –> 00:20:19,075
There’s, it, it’s zero empathy, zero.

283
00:20:19,695 –> 00:20:19,915
Um,

284
00:20:22,155 –> 00:20:24,895
I’m the one with sweat over,
I’m looking for compassion.

285
00:20:25,365 –> 00:20:27,695
It’s a game that they
have to win at all costs.

286
00:20:27,755 –> 00:20:31,815
So it is kinda like a year of
thrones, but a year of thorns.

287
00:20:33,165 –> 00:20:33,455
Yeah.

288
00:20:36,429 –> 00:20:36,720
Yeah.

289
00:20:37,780 –> 00:20:44,280
You know, you highlighted, uh,
four key tips to breaking free

290
00:20:44,429 –> 00:20:49,879
from a toxic relationship, and
I find these very interesting.

291
00:20:50,540 –> 00:20:51,760
One, overcome fear.

292
00:20:53,730 –> 00:20:57,110
Uh, two, be prepared.

293
00:20:57,110 –> 00:21:01,690
I, I, I would of thought that
would’ve been the biggest one.

294
00:21:01,990 –> 00:21:05,250
But you’re, you’re, you’re the
one that went through this, so

295
00:21:05,270 –> 00:21:07,050
that’s very interesting to me.

296
00:21:08,510 –> 00:21:11,920
Well, I had, I had, I had said
something to him though about,

297
00:21:11,950 –> 00:21:15,680
like years before, that I didn’t
feel our marriage was working and

298
00:21:16,040 –> 00:21:18,480
I thought I needed a separation.

299
00:21:19,500 –> 00:21:23,640
And that was the first phase of
the discard phase, things got

300
00:21:24,470 –> 00:21:26,760
potentially, um, worse after that.

301
00:21:27,380 –> 00:21:29,284
Um, yeah.

302
00:21:29,385 –> 00:21:32,044
So there are things you can do to prepare.

303
00:21:32,044 –> 00:21:36,405
But when you get to that point where you
are fighting for your life, sometimes

304
00:21:36,425 –> 00:21:38,085
you don’t have that time to prepare.

305
00:21:40,574 –> 00:21:47,004
And, and you, you said you had no support
network because you kept on moving.

306
00:21:47,985 –> 00:21:48,205
So

307
00:21:51,855 –> 00:21:55,195
how did you find the
support to break away?

308
00:21:58,465 –> 00:22:03,554
Well, when I initially had expressed
my desire to leave, um, we were

309
00:22:03,554 –> 00:22:04,554
living in a foreign country.

310
00:22:05,375 –> 00:22:09,354
So I had three small children, no money
of my own, it wasn’t just like I could

311
00:22:09,354 –> 00:22:10,995
pack up my kids and hop on a plane.

312
00:22:11,264 –> 00:22:12,074
Like, where do you go?

313
00:22:12,814 –> 00:22:14,794
And you know, I called
the police many times.

314
00:22:15,135 –> 00:22:18,594
But most of the time they
didn’t speak our language.

315
00:22:19,254 –> 00:22:23,995
And he knew I couldn’t put him in, in
jail because we relied on his income.

316
00:22:25,514 –> 00:22:27,895
So there was only so much
I could do at the time.

317
00:22:28,804 –> 00:22:29,095
Yeah.

318
00:22:29,095 –> 00:22:30,455
It was, it was a struggle.

319
00:22:33,125 –> 00:22:33,435
Yeah.

320
00:22:33,794 –> 00:22:35,264
That’s a place to be.

321
00:22:35,835 –> 00:22:39,095
Uh, number three, believe in yourself.

322
00:22:40,764 –> 00:22:47,294
That, that seems to be a big one, you
know, to take that power step of action.

323
00:22:48,345 –> 00:22:53,165
It, it really takes this leap of faith.

324
00:22:54,615 –> 00:22:57,785
You know, believing in yourself.

325
00:22:58,815 –> 00:23:01,185
So that tends to be

326
00:23:03,940 –> 00:23:04,160
Yes.

327
00:23:04,380 –> 00:23:07,600
You know, you gotta trust your
gut and trust to that inner voice.

328
00:23:07,860 –> 00:23:10,920
For so long he told me
I was crazy for so long.

329
00:23:11,220 –> 00:23:15,520
He, you know, said I was making a big
deal out of everything or exaggerating.

330
00:23:16,140 –> 00:23:21,640
But I knew deep down that that voice said,
No, you’re entitled to love and kindness,

331
00:23:21,860 –> 00:23:28,120
and respect, and, um, to be cherished
and treated with, like everybody should.

332
00:23:29,030 –> 00:23:30,649
You just gotta listen to that inner voice.

333
00:23:30,679 –> 00:23:33,250
That sometimes when
you’re in a controlling

334
00:23:33,250 –> 00:23:35,319
relationship, it gets silented.

335
00:23:36,479 –> 00:23:36,770
Yeah.

336
00:23:38,879 –> 00:23:39,169
Yeah.

337
00:23:39,639 –> 00:23:40,490
Yeah, I like that.

338
00:23:41,270 –> 00:23:47,729
And the fourth one, stop telling
the story of your suffering year.

339
00:23:48,689 –> 00:23:55,330
I find this one very interesting and
probably the most important of all.

340
00:23:57,929 –> 00:23:59,679
Could you speak about that, please?

341
00:24:01,909 –> 00:24:04,520
Well, you’ve kind of touched on
it with your muddy boot story.

342
00:24:05,139 –> 00:24:06,360
Um, yeah.

343
00:24:06,669 –> 00:24:10,480
It’s, it’s about, you know,
looking forward and not back.

344
00:24:11,340 –> 00:24:11,560
Um,

345
00:24:13,870 –> 00:24:17,760
it’s, it’s, if you keep talking about,
Oh my God, they did this to me, and

346
00:24:17,760 –> 00:24:21,840
this happened and this happened, it’s
almost like you’re manifesting it

347
00:24:21,899 –> 00:24:23,919
to keep coming back into your life.

348
00:24:25,190 –> 00:24:31,940
Instead, I prefer to talk about
my year of survival or, um, yeah.

349
00:24:32,280 –> 00:24:35,630
And so I’m a survivor and
thriver now, I’m not a victim.

350
00:24:36,510 –> 00:24:40,320
There’s different ways you can, you
know, it’s that, that inner narrative.

351
00:24:40,820 –> 00:24:42,520
And I really struggled with that.

352
00:24:42,800 –> 00:24:45,159
‘Cause for so many years, like
I said, I was conditioned.

353
00:24:45,620 –> 00:24:49,159
I’m not pretty enough, and I’m not
skinny enough, I was never enough.

354
00:24:49,899 –> 00:24:51,840
Um, no one else will love me.

355
00:24:52,260 –> 00:24:59,480
You know, and, and it’s just, you gotta
cut those chains and silent that narrative

356
00:24:59,899 –> 00:25:07,565
and try to be more optimistic and manifest
a more positive thriving survival mode.

357
00:25:09,035 –> 00:25:09,325
Yeah.

358
00:25:10,235 –> 00:25:10,525
Yeah.

359
00:25:10,825 –> 00:25:16,445
Was, was there some way that helped
you shift your mindset into a more

360
00:25:16,885 –> 00:25:19,365
positive, constructive mindset?

361
00:25:21,110 –> 00:25:22,955
It’s taken me a long time, I admit it.

362
00:25:23,675 –> 00:25:26,075
I went through therapy,
lots of counselors.

363
00:25:26,695 –> 00:25:31,315
You know, now there’s so much
on narcissism, so I really

364
00:25:31,345 –> 00:25:33,395
resonated with more of that.

365
00:25:33,415 –> 00:25:39,635
But then also, um, for me, finding God,
um, bringing Him more into my life and

366
00:25:39,635 –> 00:25:45,315
knowing that He loves me and, um, that
I need to love myself like He does.

367
00:25:46,840 –> 00:25:50,340
And just putting my, my
faith in Him and my future.

368
00:25:54,139 –> 00:26:01,719
So, Kimber, do you have plans of trying
to find love or did the narcissistic

369
00:26:01,730 –> 00:26:04,360
individual break that out of you?

370
00:26:05,860 –> 00:26:06,320
Oh, no.

371
00:26:06,560 –> 00:26:07,879
I loved being married.

372
00:26:08,040 –> 00:26:11,050
I mean, when I look back,
we had some great times.

373
00:26:11,230 –> 00:26:14,010
We have three beautiful children,
I lived all over the world.

374
00:26:14,450 –> 00:26:18,690
I mean, I had a life that a lot
of people would be envious of.

375
00:26:19,350 –> 00:26:23,050
Um, you know, and I try to look
at that and be thankful for that.

376
00:26:23,510 –> 00:26:26,970
And I wanna have it again but I,
you know, I’m a little guarded.

377
00:26:28,330 –> 00:26:29,889
I am, so I’m looking.

378
00:26:30,750 –> 00:26:35,370
You know, but I, like I said, I had
to take time to love myself again too.

379
00:26:35,820 –> 00:26:40,379
Until I was, you know, healed
enough that I could be a good

380
00:26:40,379 –> 00:26:41,340
partner for somebody else.

381
00:26:43,399 –> 00:26:45,260
You know, that, that’s very interesting.

382
00:26:45,379 –> 00:26:50,780
I, I like that a lot, that statement,
you know, healing yourself so you can

383
00:26:50,840 –> 00:26:53,459
be a better partner for somebody else.

384
00:26:54,409 –> 00:27:00,820
That, that really highlights, uh, a caring
nature that you really want it to work.

385
00:27:01,975 –> 00:27:04,955
So I, I find that very inspirational.

386
00:27:05,274 –> 00:27:07,034
I, I wish you well on that.

387
00:27:08,095 –> 00:27:13,555
Is there anything in our conversation
that we haven’t covered that you

388
00:27:13,555 –> 00:27:14,875
would like to highlight today?

389
00:27:15,815 –> 00:27:19,754
Oh, well, I would like to offer to
your, um, viewers and listeners, I also

390
00:27:19,754 –> 00:27:25,355
wrote this Divorce Checklist, it’s the
Ultimate Survival Guide to freedom.

391
00:27:26,215 –> 00:27:31,370
So I found that when I was going through
my divorce and we were spending so

392
00:27:31,370 –> 00:27:33,770
much money on attorneys left and right.

393
00:27:34,290 –> 00:27:36,130
I researched everything on the internet.

394
00:27:36,330 –> 00:27:40,050
I had never been divorced, I
had no idea what I was doing.

395
00:27:40,750 –> 00:27:43,410
Um, it’s so important
to have a good source.

396
00:27:43,950 –> 00:27:47,490
So this is, um, I’m gonna offer
it free to your listeners.

397
00:27:48,070 –> 00:27:51,290
Um, but it’s just a good checklist
of things that you need to cover,

398
00:27:51,590 –> 00:27:55,570
things to consider, but more
importantly, also if you have children.

399
00:27:56,000 –> 00:28:03,070
Because the, the level of conflict
between parents really affects

400
00:28:03,570 –> 00:28:04,830
the children in a divorce.

401
00:28:05,290 –> 00:28:10,830
And if you can eliminate that or identify
a lot of the key components through

402
00:28:10,830 –> 00:28:13,790
the process, or in your separation,
or in your divorce decree, which is

403
00:28:13,790 –> 00:28:16,669
your Holy Bible, um, it’s important.

404
00:28:17,685 –> 00:28:20,445
‘Cause a lot of times when you’re
divorcing a narcissist, they’ll say,

405
00:28:20,705 –> 00:28:22,605
Oh, that’s what child support is for.

406
00:28:23,024 –> 00:28:27,485
It doesn’t fall under the normal
canopy of food, shelter, and clothing.

407
00:28:27,665 –> 00:28:31,445
Or, um, you know, but what
about sports equipment?

408
00:28:31,445 –> 00:28:32,485
What about driver’s training?

409
00:28:32,485 –> 00:28:37,045
What about proms and weddings and
all these things later on in life?

410
00:28:37,514 –> 00:28:43,125
It’s really important that those things
are agreed upon prior to a divorce.

411
00:28:44,340 –> 00:28:45,720
And so that’s what this guide is.

412
00:28:45,750 –> 00:28:49,120
Hopefully a little, I’d call it
armor, to help you get through it.

413
00:28:50,020 –> 00:28:50,310
Yeah.

414
00:28:50,570 –> 00:28:52,470
You know, divorce is scary.

415
00:28:52,650 –> 00:29:00,950
And you know, just to think about it, it
is one of those taboo subjects for many.

416
00:29:01,250 –> 00:29:07,065
And to help people that are actually
going through that, that can

417
00:29:07,065 –> 00:29:10,025
be a very strong tool for them.

418
00:29:10,445 –> 00:29:11,985
So thank you for offering that.

419
00:29:12,685 –> 00:29:12,905
Uh,

420
00:29:15,885 –> 00:29:19,725
I would like to say thank you for
sharing your story with us today.

421
00:29:20,065 –> 00:29:27,125
You know, there are many people out
there struggling and people like you are

422
00:29:27,145 –> 00:29:29,205
out there helping them get through it.

423
00:29:29,505 –> 00:29:38,735
So, I, I really wish you well on your
journey, and I would like to invite you

424
00:29:38,925 –> 00:29:48,314
back and tell us more about your story
at a later date about a rekindling.

425
00:29:48,814 –> 00:29:53,635
You know, because life carries
on and the story is never ending.

426
00:29:54,415 –> 00:29:57,314
So do you have a call to
action for our listeners today?

427
00:29:58,980 –> 00:29:59,200
Um,

428
00:30:01,220 –> 00:30:05,280
if you’re in a toxic relationship,
don’t let fear hold you back.

429
00:30:05,740 –> 00:30:11,800
Listen to your gut and, you know,
push beyond those boundaries so

430
00:30:11,800 –> 00:30:15,800
that you can live a happy, joyous
life that was meant for you.

431
00:30:17,930 –> 00:30:18,419
Awesome.

432
00:30:19,080 –> 00:30:23,419
And can you let people know
how to get in touch with you?

433
00:30:24,200 –> 00:30:26,340
Uh, get your book?

434
00:30:27,340 –> 00:30:30,800
And anything else social
you would like to share?

435
00:30:33,015 –> 00:30:36,465
Yeah, so you can get, um,
both my Year of Thorns and The

436
00:30:36,465 –> 00:30:38,305
Divorce Checklist on Amazon.

437
00:30:38,855 –> 00:30:41,185
It’s available in Kindle and Audible.

438
00:30:41,725 –> 00:30:44,905
Now, I wanna preface that I’m
not a professional writer.

439
00:30:45,445 –> 00:30:50,145
It was my journal and I wished I’d waited
until like ChatGPT did or something

440
00:30:50,685 –> 00:30:52,185
so it was a little more professional.

441
00:30:52,325 –> 00:30:56,355
But, you know, I’m, I’m just an ordinary
person, I’m just a woman who was

442
00:30:56,355 –> 00:30:59,275
married for thirty years and broke free.

443
00:30:59,415 –> 00:31:03,955
And I hope that by sharing my story,
I can help a few people along the way.

444
00:31:04,535 –> 00:31:08,355
And I have a website, it’s
called yearofthorns.com.

445
00:31:08,495 –> 00:31:11,835
And I have a blog on there
with a bunch of, um, blogs I’ve

446
00:31:11,835 –> 00:31:15,515
written, and I’ve shared a lot of
my other podcasts on there too.

447
00:31:15,655 –> 00:31:17,195
But they can reach me there as well.

448
00:31:19,544 –> 00:31:20,034
Awesome.

449
00:31:21,175 –> 00:31:24,635
All right, Kimber, it’s been a
fascinating discussion with you.

450
00:31:24,794 –> 00:31:27,715
I wanna say thank you for sharing
here today on the podcast with us.

451
00:31:28,770 –> 00:31:29,240
Thank you.

452
00:31:29,240 –> 00:31:30,280
Thank you for having me.

453
00:31:33,490 –> 00:31:35,160
Thank you for joining us today.

454
00:31:35,900 –> 00:31:41,920
If you found this podcast enlightening,
entertaining, educational in any way,

455
00:31:42,780 –> 00:31:49,199
please share, like, subscribe, and join
us right back here next week for another

456
00:31:49,330 –> 00:31:52,280
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.

457
00:31:53,060 –> 00:31:58,399
I’m Ed Watters, your host, enjoy
your afternoon wherever you might be.