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Award winning truth cuts through the haze,

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confronts the darkness
in these end times days.

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A single match struck against the fear,
hope ignites drawing redemption near.

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Can you feel the tremble in the ground?

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A buried heartbeat making sound.

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We all live in Dead

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America, but the dawns
creeping across the panorama.

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This dead awakens, change begins,
from broken places hope unpins.

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Yeah, we all live in Dead America.

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One healing spark starts the
pyre, burning brighter, taking it

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higher.

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Today, we’re speaking
with Kristen Crabtree.

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She is an author and a transformation
guide, which is exceptionally special.

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So Kristen, could you
please introduce yourself?

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And let people know just a
little more about you, please.

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Yeah.

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Um, thank you, Ed.

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I’m really excited to be here.

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I, um, started on the journey of
becoming a transformation guide

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after my own transformation.

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Um, I went from a series
of lifelong abuse.

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Um, I had a, I had a rape and a sexual
assault in my childhood that was used

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against me in a twenty-two year, um,
psychologically abusive marriage where,

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um, my past was weaponized to control
me and manipulate me and make me feel

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I could only be safe if I was with her,

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I was married to a woman.

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Um, I, uh, drank myself, uh, not to
death, but a lot to survive the marriage.

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Um, got sober when I got out,
when I got out, like outta

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jail kind of thing, you know?

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When I got out and, um, my

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transformation, for lack
of any better word, um,

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was in the end a fairly quick
process, which is why I like

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to provide tools to people.

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Um, initially when I, when I left,
I did not have clarity, I was scared

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to death, filled with so much fear.

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Um, in addition to all the, you
know, sort of typical control and

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manipulation, there was also financial
control so I left not knowing if

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I would be able to support myself.

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Um, I had to move out when she wasn’t
home because she wouldn’t let me leave.

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And people say, What do you
mean she wouldn’t let you leave?

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Like, did she have a gun to your head?

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And she actually did have guns because
she used to be a police officer.

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She did not have a gun to my head,
but I didn’t realize I had agency

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anymore and that I had the power to
leave until a friend said, uh, You

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don’t need her permission to leave.

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And it was like a big bowl of cold
water was thrown on me and I kind

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of went, Oh my God, you’re right.

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I don’t, I don’t.

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I mean, I had asked her for
a divorce a month prior.

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Um, I had found two places to
move to that were cheap and,

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um, not very nice, but cheap.

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Uh, and she said no.

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She said I couldn’t move.

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So I wound up moving out
when she wasn’t there.

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Um, my image in my head of the move out
was like crawling on my hands and knees,

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and crawling into the car with my three
pets, and, uh, a carload of clothes.

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Um, that’s the image in my head.

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Now it didn’t really look like
that, but that is how it felt.

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Um, so the reason I bring that up is I
think a lot of people think they can’t

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make change till they’re clear and
that’s not usually how you get clarity.

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You know, you have to kinda
get free to get clarity.

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Um, which sounds strange, but as soon as
I got out of my house and therefore out of

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her control, um, the fog started lifting.

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And I didn’t even know I
was psychologically abused,

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like, I didn’t get that.

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I didn’t understand any of that.

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So back to the transformation part of
things, um, for the first three months I

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binged on, um, circles, groups that were
on narcissistic personality disorder.

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I had to listen nonstop to audible books
about narcissism because the psychological

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abuse makes you doubt yourself, um, and
so I had to constantly remind myself.

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But about three months into that, into
me being gone, um, I, I had this sort of

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just not, um, sudden realization that
a lot of the people in the support

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groups were stuck in their victim
story and that they’d been in these

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groups for a long, long time and I
didn’t want that to happen to me.

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I didn’t know what was on the
other side or how to get there,

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but I didn’t wanna stay stuck.

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And that is what, um, led me to make some
other, uh, decisions and choices that

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then enabled me to have, what I would say
is, a pretty rapid, um, transformation,

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you know, for lack of any other word.

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And that is the gift that
I’m here to offer to others.

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Transformation is personal empowerment.

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And once we find out who we are, we
find out the core reason we are here.

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And it’s so disheartening that
so many people today lack that

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personal empowerment and we
crave or seek approval from other

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outside sources other than ourself.

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What, what was that wall moment for
you when you smashed into the wall

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and it’s, Oh wow, I need to do this?

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You know, honestly, I, it
was such a strange moment.

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I was, when I say I was, you know, binging
on this stuff, I’m not exaggerating.

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Like as soon as I’d wake up in the
morning, I’d have to turn on an

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audio book or get in, into one of
those groups as I was getting ready

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for work, during my lunch break.

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I’d have to do that as soon as I
got done work, I’d have to do that.

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I’d fall asleep listening to
one of those books because I

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would just doubt myself so much.

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And there was a morning I woke
up, I had gone on a circles group,

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um, came downstairs, decided
I’d listened to a book, again.

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I started to re-listen to It’s,
It’s Not You, which is sort of a

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hallmark book, um, amazing book about
narcissistic personality disorder.

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And I was gonna listen to it
for the second time and I turned

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it on and I, I just stood there
in my kitchen and went, No.

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No, I have to listen
to something different.

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And so I opened my Audible app and
I had downloaded, um, ten different

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books during an Audible sale over
the, you know, past month and one of

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them was called Becoming Supernatural.

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And I didn’t know anything about the
book, I didn’t know anything about the

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author, His name is Dr. Joe Dispenza.

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Um, but he changed my life.

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Um, I mean, truly his
work changed my life.

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Now ultimately his, his work gave
me the push and the placement for

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me to then do my own transformation.

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You know, his, um, teachings helped
give me some perspective and, um, some

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understanding that I didn’t have about
the process of becoming emotionally sober,

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which is a lot harder

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than sober.

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Giving up alcohol was way easier
than giving up the chemicals that I

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was addicted to from the emotions,
the cortisol, the adrenaline, right?

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So his work gave me the context for why I
couldn’t, why I couldn’t transform, why I

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was stuck, why I was in my victim story.

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Um, his work gave me that context.

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His meditation process gave me
the connection to, gave me the

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ability to turn off monkey mind.

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So meditation really is the
answer to transformation.

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However, people get really scared of that
word, myself included, because a lot of

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us in the west, or just, you know, in
general think that meditation has to be

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sitting cross-legged and saying, Omm.

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And that is like a beautiful
way to meditate and one of the

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most hardest ways to meditate.

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And, you know, two years ago I remember
telling somebody, Oh, I don’t know how

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to meditate, I’m a terrible meditator.

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And, um, she said, Why?

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And I was like, Well, I just, you
know, my, my thoughts, they just race.

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I can’t, you know, clear my head.

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And, um, she didn’t
have a solution for me.

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But oddly enough, only about a month
later, I was doing Dr. Joe’s meditations.

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So I’ve moved beyond his meditations
and back to his meditations.

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And the reason I say that is there’s
no one perfect meditation for anybody.

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And what may be perfect for you now may
not be perfect for you next week, but

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then it might be perfect for you again.

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And that’s what I have found.

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So for me, his process, um, was exactly
what I needed to be able to quiet my

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brain enough to start to hear my truth.

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And as soon as you, it’s one
of those things where once you

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hear it, you can’t unhear it.

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You know, once I started to hear
that there’s something there that’s

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not just this, I was like addicted.

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I had, I had to talk to that.

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Um, and so

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what I, I have created, um, a, it’s
a project, uh, Paramour Paradox

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that is completely guided by source.

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It’s nothing logical, nothing strategic,
no, you know, pen to paper, making a plan.

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Um, every single step of that is something
that I was told by my truth to do.

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And, um, it started with, I, um, did
about six months of continuous, uh,

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you know, work on myself with Dr.

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Joe’s practices, I went to his retreat.

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When I came back from his retreat, it
was December of 2024, and I was sitting

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on my sofa and I said, um, Hey, uh, true
self, like, what am I supposed to do now?

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And I immediately heard, um,
go find your book from 1999.

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I barely remembered writing this book.

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Like seriously.

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And I was a digital hoarder, so I was able
to find it and I pulled that out of the

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deep dark recesses of my digital archives.

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And when I opened up the book, the first
chapter, it had a different title, it

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was called Creating Your Masterpiece,
Crafting Your Life as a Work of Art.

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And it was a complete book.

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Um, the structure of, well, let me
back, back, go back to where I was.

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So when I opened the first
chapter, it was eight exercises.

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The first exercise is called Who Am I?

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And that is now what I
call foreplay in my book.

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It’s my first exercise ’cause it kind
of lubricates you for the process.

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And when I did those eight
exercises, I, first of all,

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I said, Wow, who wrote these?

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They’re brilliant.

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And then the second thing I
did was realize that it really

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was a process of excavation.

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You know, it was like digging
through the dirt, digging through the

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layers to get at the truth, right?

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And so what has come to unfold
is the understanding that nobody

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has your answers, but you.

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Nobody has my answers but me.

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So, you know, ten steps to
transformation ain’t gone get you there.

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It’s just not, right?

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So what worked for me was first doing
exercises that were, were in the book

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I wrote, um, but then expanding that,
um, you know, by almost infinity.

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I mean, it’s, it’s blossomed
in so many different ways.

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The, um, the framework for the
book stayed fairly similar in

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that the original book looked at
the, each of our bodies separate.

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So mental body, emotional body,
physical body, energy, body.

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The current book also does that, but a
lot of other stuff changed from the book.

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I mean, pretty much the whole book
changed with the exception of that.

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Well, there’s also a, a concept called
the web, which I did back in 1999.

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And like people weren’t even
talking about this really back then.

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But the web is the idea that one
little, one tiny little change

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that you make or thing that you
do ripples out not just into your

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life, but into the world as a whole.

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Um, and so the way this book, the
current version is structured and the

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current version is called Be the You
That’s More You Than You’ve Ever Been.

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And it’s based on, um, the framework of
archeologists to artifact to architect.

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And the, so the book has five sections,
the first four are each of the

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bodies starting with the mental body.

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Each of the sections has three chapters.

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The first chapter is you as the
archeologist, and it’s where

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I provide people with current
science, current metaphysics,

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philosophy, theory, and I tell them,

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Pick, pick what resonates, because
again, I’m not your expert.

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These are some things out there that
people, um, are exploring or have come to

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the understanding about the mental body,
about the emotional body and so forth.

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So here’s some information
that might help you.

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The intention of those chapters is to
give people sort of the, you know, like

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a, an archeologist has to, um, learn
about the site before they go dig.

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So they have to learn, you know, who
lived there and, you know, what years do

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people live there and what kind of, you
know, rock is the, you know, the soil,

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what’s the minerals, you know, blah.

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So the, um, those chapters are
designed to give people sort of the,

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um, uh, educational background, I
guess, to then be able to do chapter

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two, which is the excavation.

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00:16:43,930 –> 00:16:44,814
And, um,

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as they dig things up through questions
and exercises, they’re able to look

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00:16:52,425 –> 00:16:58,064
at the things they dig up and say, Is
this rubble or is this an artifact?

220
00:16:58,395 –> 00:17:00,255
So that’s where the artifact comes in.

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Artifacts are experiences and
memories, um, that have shaped

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you, and so you gather those.

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00:17:09,555 –> 00:17:15,194
The third chapter in every, uh, section
is the web, which I’ve already described.

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00:17:15,675 –> 00:17:17,474
And, um, it relates to that.

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00:17:17,504 –> 00:17:21,585
It’s a fictional story relating,
sort of a sliding doors type

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00:17:21,585 –> 00:17:23,595
story, relating to that body.

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00:17:24,285 –> 00:17:28,685
The fifth section is what I’m so
excited about and it’s, it, this

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00:17:28,745 –> 00:17:30,675
did not exist in the original book.

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This is why I was able
to transform so quickly.

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So the fifth section takes on the role of
the architect and what the architect is

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00:17:42,750 –> 00:17:45,960
designing is what I call the true you 2.0.

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True you because it’s based on your truth,
it’s based on who you really are, who

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00:17:52,560 –> 00:17:57,000
you are meant to embody in this life now.

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The 2.0 is because it’s taking
that juiciness, that magnificence

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of who you are and enabling you
to craft it in a way that brings

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that magnificence to the world.

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‘Cause we’re all magnificent.

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We are all magnificent,
we have just forgotten.

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00:18:18,720 –> 00:18:22,200
And that’s actually part of
the magic of this journey.

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So we come here with amnesia,
that’s like part of the plan,

241
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and the journey is remembering.

242
00:18:32,550 –> 00:18:35,220
And so that is what this book is about.

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00:18:35,580 –> 00:18:42,690
So the fifth section, the architect,
uh, integration, it’s where I give

244
00:18:42,690 –> 00:18:49,500
people, again, theories, science on
consciousness, on retro causality, on

245
00:18:49,500 –> 00:18:55,440
the artificial construct of time, and
they get that information, which sounds

246
00:18:55,440 –> 00:18:59,400
complicated, but I’m really good at
making stuff really easy to understand.

247
00:18:59,910 –> 00:19:03,480
And I also tell people, Some of this
is not proven, but there are a lot

248
00:19:03,480 –> 00:19:06,360
of things that have been proven now
that weren’t proven in the beginning.

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00:19:06,720 –> 00:19:12,390
So all I want you to do is open
yourself up to the possibility that

250
00:19:12,390 –> 00:19:14,550
some of this might be true, right?

251
00:19:15,050 –> 00:19:25,980
And what those, what, what those concepts
enable people to potentially see is that

252
00:19:26,580 –> 00:19:29,670
they don’t have to use a linear approach

253
00:19:30,495 –> 00:19:36,375
to achieving goals, because time
really isn’t, it doesn’t exist.

254
00:19:36,375 –> 00:19:40,905
Time doesn’t exist, it’s a
construct that we have put together

255
00:19:41,145 –> 00:19:43,845
out of a series of moments.

256
00:19:43,935 –> 00:19:48,135
So there’s a point, a point, a
point, we stitch those together

257
00:19:48,135 –> 00:19:49,725
into something we call time.

258
00:19:51,135 –> 00:19:55,245
But science tells us time
does not really exist, okay?

259
00:19:55,685 –> 00:20:02,955
So consciousness and retro causality
is something that is being researched,

260
00:20:02,955 –> 00:20:10,245
that has some, um, indicators
that we, the future can actually

261
00:20:10,245 –> 00:20:12,675
roll back and affect the past.

262
00:20:13,425 –> 00:20:20,940
And there’s actually been, they do, um,
they’ve done studies with these, oh, I

263
00:20:20,940 –> 00:20:24,660
can’t think of what they’re called, but
it’s an electronic piece of equipment.

264
00:20:24,660 –> 00:20:25,770
I’m blanking out on the name.

265
00:20:26,100 –> 00:20:31,410
But anyways, they’ve been able to, um,
demonstrate not, you know, to everybody’s

266
00:20:31,410 –> 00:20:35,850
satisfaction yet, but they’ve been
able to demonstrate that things in the

267
00:20:35,850 –> 00:20:38,550
future can actually affect the past.

268
00:20:38,790 –> 00:20:44,730
So the exercises, because again,
exercises are really what’s important

269
00:20:44,730 –> 00:20:46,530
because I don’t know your truth.

270
00:20:46,890 –> 00:20:51,070
You know your truth, and the only
way to hear that is through your,

271
00:20:51,070 –> 00:20:53,730
your process to hear your voice.

272
00:20:53,730 –> 00:20:54,810
So the exercises.

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00:20:55,380 –> 00:21:02,820
So the first exercise in that chapter,
um, there’s only three, in all the

274
00:21:02,820 –> 00:21:04,899
other chapters there’s twenty to forty.

275
00:21:05,835 –> 00:21:08,504
This is just pared down
to a couple of essentials.

276
00:21:09,254 –> 00:21:11,475
The first one, I won’t go
into it, it’s a warmup.

277
00:21:11,475 –> 00:21:12,825
It’s good, but it’s a warmup.

278
00:21:12,825 –> 00:21:19,725
The second one is the timeline and
what I walk people through is, um,

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00:21:19,785 –> 00:21:22,335
the process of marking on a timeline.

280
00:21:22,875 –> 00:21:24,615
There’re valleys and there’re peaks.

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00:21:25,545 –> 00:21:29,055
They are not to write the
story of their valley, their

282
00:21:29,055 –> 00:21:30,705
valley is their trauma usually.

283
00:21:30,855 –> 00:21:31,995
It’s the bad stuff.

284
00:21:32,565 –> 00:21:38,145
It’s, well, bad stuff in the context
of our human existence, right?

285
00:21:38,835 –> 00:21:49,605
Um, so the, the, the juicy stuff
that you get out of the trauma

286
00:21:50,115 –> 00:21:54,225
is what that reveals about you.

287
00:21:54,855 –> 00:22:01,965
So if you were violated, perhaps it
was because you wanted to please, or

288
00:22:01,965 –> 00:22:08,475
perhaps it was because, um, you’re
vulnerable and you, you know, like to open

289
00:22:08,475 –> 00:22:11,955
yourself up to people, or uh, whatever.

290
00:22:11,955 –> 00:22:18,285
Like there’s something in there that is
actually a positive, a strength of yours.

291
00:22:19,165 –> 00:22:23,955
The peaks are what reveal your
superpowers and those you’re allowed to

292
00:22:23,955 –> 00:22:26,445
write out in a full story if you want.

293
00:22:27,525 –> 00:22:31,125
Just not the valleys ’cause the valleys
are, you know, where we often get

294
00:22:31,125 –> 00:22:32,895
stuck to, stuck in the victim story.

295
00:22:33,285 –> 00:22:36,525
And by now people have come
to that understanding from

296
00:22:36,525 –> 00:22:37,635
the process of the book.

297
00:22:38,625 –> 00:22:44,295
So you use those peaks and valleys
in what I call the tree of becoming.

298
00:22:45,210 –> 00:22:50,310
And the tree of becoming, um,
it’s not like a, um, dream board,

299
00:22:50,400 –> 00:22:51,660
you know, like most people do.

300
00:22:52,110 –> 00:22:55,530
Uh, I don’t, uh, some of you have probably
heard of a dream board where you go

301
00:22:55,530 –> 00:22:59,280
in a magazine and you cut out pictures
of what you want your future to have.

302
00:22:59,700 –> 00:23:04,320
And they can be really, um, helpful in
manifesting, I’m not bashing on them.

303
00:23:04,320 –> 00:23:06,629
I’ve done so many of them in my life.

304
00:23:07,139 –> 00:23:12,780
But, um, the difference here, the
tree of becoming does evolve, but

305
00:23:12,960 –> 00:23:18,480
the roots are your, um, it actually
becomes something I call the jig.

306
00:23:18,840 –> 00:23:26,760
But the roots are your passions, dreams,
wishes, morals, values, all of that.

307
00:23:26,850 –> 00:23:30,600
That is like the you, okay?

308
00:23:31,080 –> 00:23:35,070
The trunk is made up of your
strengths and superpowers,

309
00:23:35,070 –> 00:23:39,960
so the things that you got from
the valleys and peaks exercise.

310
00:23:40,320 –> 00:23:44,490
So those are the things that you can
draw from, you can pull from, um,

311
00:23:44,520 –> 00:23:46,440
as you proceed down your journey.

312
00:23:47,280 –> 00:23:53,250
The leaves are those things
that you’ve identified, are a

313
00:23:53,250 –> 00:23:55,860
direction you wanna go, okay?

314
00:23:56,100 –> 00:24:01,860
So, you know, the, and the branches
are all sort of different themes,

315
00:24:01,860 –> 00:24:04,230
so like, family, business, whatever.

316
00:24:05,159 –> 00:24:15,659
The difference with the tree of becoming
is that where most self-help books

317
00:24:15,659 –> 00:24:19,560
or personal development books will
say this is the route to get there.

318
00:24:19,560 –> 00:24:22,710
You know, you have this end
goal, you back it up by a month,

319
00:24:22,740 –> 00:24:24,149
okay, what’s before the month?

320
00:24:24,360 –> 00:24:26,460
Then you back it up by,
you know, another month.

321
00:24:26,550 –> 00:24:30,520
And then you have these steps to
move forward in a linear, linear

322
00:24:30,560 –> 00:24:32,610
fashion to get to your goal.

323
00:24:33,420 –> 00:24:38,550
Well, instead I liken it to
more like a GPS coordinate.

324
00:24:39,240 –> 00:24:43,229
So you have this place you start, which
is where the branch hits the trunk.

325
00:24:43,649 –> 00:24:47,340
You have this leaf, but you have
other leaves too, and you have lots

326
00:24:47,340 –> 00:24:50,580
of branches off the main branch
and those branches have branches.

327
00:24:51,120 –> 00:24:56,820
And there’s a lot of different
ways to get to where you wanna go.

328
00:24:57,179 –> 00:25:03,840
So that’s one thing that I like people
to understand is there’s, it doesn’t

329
00:25:03,840 –> 00:25:07,919
have to be, I’m going on this path
and I’m not there till I get there.

330
00:25:07,919 –> 00:25:11,340
It could be, I’m going on this path,
oh, I’m gonna prune this branch.

331
00:25:11,729 –> 00:25:15,870
Oh, I’m gonna let this, you know,
leaf mature, you know, whatever.

332
00:25:16,800 –> 00:25:24,840
But the real magic is in realizing
that the best way to get to your

333
00:25:24,840 –> 00:25:32,490
future, and this sounds so simple,
and it is so simple, is to be it now.

334
00:25:33,600 –> 00:25:38,040
You ask yourself, what is
my future self doing today?

335
00:25:39,645 –> 00:25:43,605
Or what would my future self
do in this moment right now?

336
00:25:44,505 –> 00:25:45,405
And then you do it.

337
00:25:47,025 –> 00:25:47,925
And guess what?

338
00:25:48,075 –> 00:25:49,125
You’re your future.

339
00:25:50,775 –> 00:25:53,565
Yeah, there’s a lot to unpack there.

340
00:25:54,825 –> 00:26:01,035
Kristen, Let’s start with the abusive
brain chatter that people really go

341
00:26:01,035 –> 00:26:04,635
through when they’re transforming
and going through a bunch of this.

342
00:26:06,795 –> 00:26:12,520
I like to say that only you
can change yourself and you,

343
00:26:12,525 –> 00:26:14,685
you identify with that a lot.

344
00:26:15,225 –> 00:26:22,665
So as we walk down, my analogy
is the muddy shoe life.

345
00:26:23,355 –> 00:26:30,255
As we walk down the muddy
trail, it’s just super muddy.

346
00:26:30,495 –> 00:26:33,585
It’s got that thick clay mud.

347
00:26:33,585 –> 00:26:37,020
And if you’ve walked that
you know it gets heavy.

348
00:26:37,320 –> 00:26:41,100
And the mud is the people, the
places, and the things in our

349
00:26:41,100 –> 00:26:44,790
life, and we have to control that.

350
00:26:45,449 –> 00:26:47,850
If we don’t, it gets heavy.

351
00:26:48,120 –> 00:26:53,879
It will wear us out, it will put us in
the nut house, it’ll make us depressed.

352
00:26:54,389 –> 00:27:00,510
You know, there’s a lot of physical
things that happen because we allow,

353
00:27:01,620 –> 00:27:09,330
like I said earlier, those destructive
outer influences to weigh on us.

354
00:27:09,570 –> 00:27:15,240
So find a rock and wipe the mud off.

355
00:27:15,840 –> 00:27:19,409
You control this, nobody else can.

356
00:27:19,740 –> 00:27:23,879
A lot of people always ask, what can I do?

357
00:27:23,939 –> 00:27:26,280
Or how can you help me?

358
00:27:27,389 –> 00:27:30,300
But really, I can’t help anyone.

359
00:27:30,389 –> 00:27:38,850
You have to do this and that granular
aspect of digging deep inside.

360
00:27:39,210 –> 00:27:46,440
Earlier today, I went out and I did my
yearly maintenance on my peach trees.

361
00:27:46,950 –> 00:27:53,520
And to keep those fruitful and
heavy in fruit and bearing all the

362
00:27:53,520 –> 00:27:57,450
time you need to prune each year.

363
00:27:58,020 –> 00:28:05,610
And fruit trees, they like the center
to be open so there is sunlight all

364
00:28:05,610 –> 00:28:14,820
around and it’s very airy and that helps
control all the disease and whatnot

365
00:28:14,820 –> 00:28:20,490
that comes with a lot of the multiple
leaves and whatnot on a tree.

366
00:28:21,570 –> 00:28:24,090
So it starts with that foundation.

367
00:28:24,990 –> 00:28:30,000
And you’ve laid it out pretty
well there that you have to dig

368
00:28:30,000 –> 00:28:32,670
into your basement, find the dirt.

369
00:28:33,314 –> 00:28:42,764
And, you know, it’s, it’s not, why is
Bobby, or Kenny, or Sue making me feel

370
00:28:42,764 –> 00:28:48,824
this way, you’re making yourself feel
that way because you don’t understand

371
00:28:49,004 –> 00:28:51,554
how to control your boundaries yet.

372
00:28:52,514 –> 00:28:57,345
And I think it’s important to
dig in and find out who you truly

373
00:28:57,345 –> 00:29:01,185
are before doing any other work.

374
00:29:01,395 –> 00:29:05,145
Because if you don’t know who
you are, there’s no way you can

375
00:29:05,145 –> 00:29:07,544
help other people in the world.

376
00:29:09,105 –> 00:29:11,985
You said your truths.

377
00:29:12,524 –> 00:29:14,504
This is so important, people.

378
00:29:14,655 –> 00:29:20,415
Your truth is not my truth, and my
truth is definitely not your truth.

379
00:29:21,014 –> 00:29:27,855
But those truths, yours and mine,
we can enlighten each other and help

380
00:29:27,855 –> 00:29:34,620
lift people out of that disparity
that we all have found ourselves in.

381
00:29:35,310 –> 00:29:40,139
I just turned sixty and I’ll tell
you, I have never felt better in

382
00:29:40,139 –> 00:29:46,919
my life because now I know who I
am and I know what I offer and it,

383
00:29:47,129 –> 00:29:48,810
you can take it, you can leave it.

384
00:29:48,870 –> 00:29:51,179
That doesn’t affect me, that affects you.

385
00:29:51,750 –> 00:29:57,149
And, you know, I wish everyone well,
no matter who they are, what they are,

386
00:29:57,149 –> 00:30:04,889
how they are, we need this cornucopia
to make us vibrant and lively.

387
00:30:05,820 –> 00:30:13,979
So really it’s about that personal
empowerment that I talked about earlier.

388
00:30:14,010 –> 00:30:19,800
And that’s really what you’re
teaching people that they

389
00:30:19,800 –> 00:30:23,310
need to do that themselves.

390
00:30:23,909 –> 00:30:31,185
All you’re doing is providing a vehicle
or a modality for them to get there.

391
00:30:32,865 –> 00:30:34,005
Yeah, a hundred percent.

392
00:30:34,005 –> 00:30:37,455
I never tell anybody what to do,
who to be, how to do it, where

393
00:30:37,455 –> 00:30:39,615
to go, that’s not my place.

394
00:30:40,125 –> 00:30:48,495
But I am really good at, um, asking
questions, at giving people exercises,

395
00:30:48,495 –> 00:30:54,285
games to play, whatever you wanna
call it, so that they can then

396
00:30:54,285 –> 00:30:56,595
uncover things about themselves.

397
00:30:57,075 –> 00:31:01,035
I’m also really good at helping
people turn off monkey mind,

398
00:31:01,635 –> 00:31:04,665
I have a lot of different ways
that I help people with that.

399
00:31:05,205 –> 00:31:09,735
And, um, again, I believe in picking
and choosing ’cause no one thing is

400
00:31:09,735 –> 00:31:14,355
perfect and, you know, you can modify
things that I say a gazillion different

401
00:31:14,355 –> 00:31:19,275
ways, um, because it is about finding
what speaks to you, what resonates

402
00:31:19,275 –> 00:31:21,165
with you, what feels right to you.

403
00:31:21,705 –> 00:31:23,145
Um, and,

404
00:31:24,450 –> 00:31:27,990
So those are all components
that I bring to the table.

405
00:31:28,530 –> 00:31:36,750
The Paramour Paradox, um, project
is a, um, multifaceted, I call it

406
00:31:36,750 –> 00:31:45,210
an ecosystem that is designed, um,
again, guided by what I call source.

407
00:31:45,300 –> 00:31:48,720
Um, people call it God, people
call it consciousness, people call

408
00:31:48,720 –> 00:31:51,120
it whatever, I call it source.

409
00:31:51,629 –> 00:31:57,629
And, um, source told me to
find this book, which I did.

410
00:31:57,629 –> 00:32:02,159
And, and, okay, so my belief, and again,
nobody has to agree with my beliefs

411
00:32:02,159 –> 00:32:03,870
in order to find value in my work.

412
00:32:04,470 –> 00:32:06,060
But I’ll tell you what my beliefs are.

413
00:32:06,419 –> 00:32:10,409
But it doesn’t matter if
you’re Catholic, or Jewish, or

414
00:32:10,740 –> 00:32:12,270
Muslim, like it doesn’t matter.

415
00:32:12,270 –> 00:32:14,220
Or nothing, like it doesn’t matter.

416
00:32:14,580 –> 00:32:19,830
But, um, but this is just my
framework, the way I work.

417
00:32:20,220 –> 00:32:27,675
I believe that I am not
a, a human with a soul.

418
00:32:27,764 –> 00:32:31,185
I have a soul, but that’s like, not it.

419
00:32:31,544 –> 00:32:36,044
What I really believe is that I’m
source having a human experience.

420
00:32:36,794 –> 00:32:43,004
Now what that means is if I am
source, having a human experience,

421
00:32:43,544 –> 00:32:47,205
then bad is just as good as good.

422
00:32:47,864 –> 00:32:49,304
They’re just experiences.

423
00:32:49,754 –> 00:32:54,854
So I’m here to have all the juiciness
of what it means to be human.

424
00:32:55,455 –> 00:33:00,165
That includes mourning the loss
of my dog that I was telling you

425
00:33:00,165 –> 00:33:02,594
I’m about to lose her tomorrow.

426
00:33:03,074 –> 00:33:07,125
Um, it also means having joyous sex.

427
00:33:07,215 –> 00:33:09,014
Like it’s the whole thing.

428
00:33:09,014 –> 00:33:11,175
It’s the whole kit and kaboodle, right?

429
00:33:11,804 –> 00:33:17,455
Um, I kind of got off topic here,
but one of the things that I was

430
00:33:17,455 –> 00:33:23,760
guided to do, um, was to create a
multifaceted approach to help people

431
00:33:24,360 –> 00:33:30,150
stay in touch with what they’re trying
to do, which is hear their truth.

432
00:33:30,450 –> 00:33:34,080
So the first thing is the book, and
the second thing is a journal that

433
00:33:34,080 –> 00:33:35,760
is not just something to scribble in.

434
00:33:36,210 –> 00:33:43,170
It’s, um, a very helpful compliment
to the book that, um, walks people

435
00:33:43,170 –> 00:33:47,490
through a whole different experience and
expands on the experience in the book.

436
00:33:48,150 –> 00:33:52,020
The third thing is an app, and the app
is gonna be out in a couple of weeks.

437
00:33:52,110 –> 00:33:57,960
And the app also gives people
questions and exercises that are

438
00:33:57,960 –> 00:34:03,000
different than the book, um, and that
enables them to do the dig that way.

439
00:34:03,060 –> 00:34:05,400
It also provides meditations.

440
00:34:05,400 –> 00:34:10,470
I’ve created these things called Mind
Expanding experiences, which are in

441
00:34:10,470 –> 00:34:15,510
essence meditations or exercises,
whatever you wanna call ’em, but

442
00:34:15,510 –> 00:34:19,050
they are designed to help you see the
filter you’ve been seeing through.

443
00:34:20,069 –> 00:34:23,040
So they’re designed to help
you realize that your reality

444
00:34:23,040 –> 00:34:27,480
is, it’s, it’s not truth.

445
00:34:27,480 –> 00:34:29,520
It’s not all there is, right?

446
00:34:29,520 –> 00:34:34,739
Which is another reason why transformation
can happen quickly once you see the

447
00:34:34,739 –> 00:34:36,150
filter you’ve been seeing through.

448
00:34:37,259 –> 00:34:38,460
So those will be on there.

449
00:34:38,699 –> 00:34:44,699
Uh, there’s a community, um, called The
Murmuration that will be formed on there.

450
00:34:45,150 –> 00:34:49,109
Um, so that’s all part
of the ecosystem as well.

451
00:34:49,230 –> 00:34:53,129
There’s a course that I am
creating called the remembering.

452
00:34:54,014 –> 00:34:56,835
Because we’re here to remember, right?

453
00:34:56,895 –> 00:35:01,845
And then the thing that doesn’t always
make sense to people is there’s a

454
00:35:01,845 –> 00:35:07,545
series of t-shirts and the t-shirts
are, um, they have messages on the

455
00:35:07,545 –> 00:35:12,615
back and the messages are designed to
nudge the person behind you in line.

456
00:35:13,095 –> 00:35:19,515
So it’s messages like, I actually
have a deck of cards too that, um,

457
00:35:20,355 –> 00:35:24,645
So, so the messages are on
the back of the t-shirt.

458
00:35:25,305 –> 00:35:26,145
Interesting.

459
00:35:27,105 –> 00:35:27,795
Back.

460
00:35:28,395 –> 00:35:28,995
Right.

461
00:35:29,865 –> 00:35:34,565
And the, the reason that’s helpful
in a lot of ways, so I’ll read

462
00:35:34,645 –> 00:35:36,015
to you some of the messages.

463
00:35:36,345 –> 00:35:38,325
You are perfect just as you are.

464
00:35:39,585 –> 00:35:43,605
What if you already did something for
the last time today and didn’t know it?

465
00:35:44,535 –> 00:35:47,835
Sometimes the questions are
more important than the answers.

466
00:35:48,750 –> 00:35:51,990
I know who I am, I just haven’t
told the version I’m pretending

467
00:35:51,990 –> 00:35:53,430
to be that they’re not real.

468
00:35:54,480 –> 00:36:02,520
So they’re, they’re things to either
make somebody think or feel good, right?

469
00:36:02,819 –> 00:36:06,029
But the reason that, or both.

470
00:36:06,029 –> 00:36:06,419
Yeah.

471
00:36:06,660 –> 00:36:12,720
And one of the reasons why having it
on the back is important is because if

472
00:36:12,720 –> 00:36:18,720
somebody has something on the front of
their shirt, then you’re, you know, if I

473
00:36:18,720 –> 00:36:22,470
have something on the front of my shirt,
then I’m watching you watch me, right?

474
00:36:22,950 –> 00:36:25,290
So there’s not really privacy there.

475
00:36:26,009 –> 00:36:28,859
Whereas if I’m reading something
on the back of your shirt,

476
00:36:29,310 –> 00:36:31,560
you know, there’s privacy.

477
00:36:31,980 –> 00:36:36,629
And, um, it’s also because we’re in
lines a lot or behind people a lot.

478
00:36:36,930 –> 00:36:42,150
And so the front has this
stunning logo that I cannot

479
00:36:42,150 –> 00:36:43,920
take credit for, my best friend.

480
00:36:44,070 –> 00:36:47,430
So the book I wrote
initially in 1999, right?

481
00:36:47,790 –> 00:36:52,020
Well, my very best friend that I’ve
known since I was thirteen, uh, he’s

482
00:36:52,020 –> 00:36:57,180
also been on a spiritual quest his
whole life, about fifteen years ago he

483
00:36:57,540 –> 00:37:01,740
created, uh, the sacred geometry images.

484
00:37:02,280 –> 00:37:09,090
And, um, we were talking about my project
one day and he’s like, You know, I’ve

485
00:37:09,090 –> 00:37:12,840
got these sacred geometry images that
maybe you’d like for, for your logo

486
00:37:12,840 –> 00:37:14,010
and he sent me a whole bunch.

487
00:37:14,490 –> 00:37:20,520
Well, Paramour Paradox, that name
is about, we spend so much time

488
00:37:20,550 –> 00:37:24,600
seeking love outside ourselves when
really our true love is inside.

489
00:37:25,260 –> 00:37:32,130
One of his sacred geometry, um, drawings
that he made had a right side up heart

490
00:37:32,130 –> 00:37:37,830
and an upside down heart that were
made with the Fibonacci like shells.

491
00:37:38,370 –> 00:37:43,770
So, uh, like he, if I paid somebody
a million dollars to come up with the

492
00:37:43,770 –> 00:37:48,060
best logo, they couldn’t have come up
with something as, as brilliant as this.

493
00:37:48,060 –> 00:37:50,130
It was just one of those
things, it was meant to be.

494
00:37:50,549 –> 00:37:55,785
So anyways, the, all of the ecosystem,
and I’ve added a whole bunch of stuff,

495
00:37:55,785 –> 00:37:58,424
so I’ve added like a, a deck of cards.

496
00:37:58,424 –> 00:38:01,814
It’s actually, this is only part
of it, it’s sixty-five cards.

497
00:38:02,265 –> 00:38:07,185
And they’re just, um, triggers to, you
can use them for journaling, you can

498
00:38:07,245 –> 00:38:11,924
just, while you’re sitting at your desk
go, Oh, you are perfect just as you are.

499
00:38:11,924 –> 00:38:12,674
Awesome.

500
00:38:12,975 –> 00:38:13,814
You know, whatever.

501
00:38:13,814 –> 00:38:14,234
Right?

502
00:38:14,835 –> 00:38:22,004
But I also have a bunch of, um, free
gifts on there because this is my mission.

503
00:38:22,274 –> 00:38:25,064
So one is a lock screen.

504
00:38:25,544 –> 00:38:31,814
And the reason that’s helpful is because
everything that I’ve put together, I’ve

505
00:38:31,814 –> 00:38:36,254
put together to help people remember
they’re on the path because we forget.

506
00:38:36,734 –> 00:38:40,064
We read a book and we go, Oh my
God, this is the best book ever.

507
00:38:40,064 –> 00:38:41,504
I wanna live by this book.

508
00:38:41,504 –> 00:38:43,365
Like I read The Four, um,

509
00:38:46,215 –> 00:38:48,194
I am having trouble thinking today,

510
00:38:48,585 –> 00:38:51,315
uh, oh, what’s that called?

511
00:38:51,315 –> 00:38:51,884
I can’t remember.

512
00:38:51,884 –> 00:38:52,515
It’s a great book.

513
00:38:52,875 –> 00:38:54,075
See, it’s a great book.

514
00:38:54,134 –> 00:38:54,855
I can’t remember.

515
00:38:55,185 –> 00:38:59,265
So, um, it’s, so you read something and
you’re like, Oh my God, that’s brilliant.

516
00:38:59,625 –> 00:39:04,694
Well, my app actually enables you
to put that quote in so that you can

517
00:39:04,694 –> 00:39:07,215
then remind yourself of that too.

518
00:39:07,215 –> 00:39:10,665
So it’s not just reminding people
about stuff I think is relevant,

519
00:39:10,665 –> 00:39:14,384
people can create their own like,
memories, or reminders, or whatever.

520
00:39:14,745 –> 00:39:19,755
But, um, the lock screen, how
often do we look at our phones?

521
00:39:19,755 –> 00:39:20,924
Like, all the time.

522
00:39:21,165 –> 00:39:25,044
And so if you pick up your phone,
oh, that’s right, there’s the portal,

523
00:39:25,654 –> 00:39:28,104
there’s the archeological dig.

524
00:39:28,640 –> 00:39:30,735
That’s what I’m doing,
I’m headed for the portal.

525
00:39:30,855 –> 00:39:33,975
You know, so that’s free.

526
00:39:33,975 –> 00:39:38,155
I have the mind expanding
experiences, there’s four of ‘them.

527
00:39:38,205 –> 00:39:39,315
Those are free.

528
00:39:39,705 –> 00:39:45,735
I have, um, I just created, oh my
God, this is crazy, I just created

529
00:39:45,735 –> 00:39:52,185
a custom Chat GPT that’s called I
Hear What You Didn’t Say, and it’s

530
00:39:52,185 –> 00:39:54,015
to help people hear their truth.

531
00:39:54,075 –> 00:40:00,165
So if they are mulling something over
and they’re like, I don’t know what I’m

532
00:40:00,165 –> 00:40:03,165
thinking, they could, they get prompted.

533
00:40:03,165 –> 00:40:10,605
There’s, I, it’s, you know, a formula that
I have plugged into this GPT, uh, to help

534
00:40:10,785 –> 00:40:16,035
people hear what they’re really saying,
um, as they’re thinking through things.

535
00:40:16,485 –> 00:40:18,825
Um, and I think there’s other
free stuff on there too.

536
00:40:18,825 –> 00:40:20,325
But anyways, you’ve got the idea.

537
00:40:20,325 –> 00:40:23,865
So everything that I’ve created
is to help people stay on track

538
00:40:24,855 –> 00:40:25,910
to remind them what they’re doing.

539
00:40:27,705 –> 00:40:28,095
Yeah.

540
00:40:29,235 –> 00:40:31,005
Yeah, that, that’s pretty awesome.

541
00:40:31,005 –> 00:40:35,415
You know, that inspiration,
we, we need it all the time.

542
00:40:35,775 –> 00:40:40,815
Because it, it seems like if we don’t
get that pat on the back, uh, or,

543
00:40:40,815 –> 00:40:46,815
or the, oh, poor Ed, you know, we
don’t get to the next phase in life.

544
00:40:47,145 –> 00:40:55,435
So inspiration is key to building a
healthy relationship beyond ourself.

545
00:40:56,185 –> 00:41:05,175
It, it really makes people feel that
they’re a part of whatever it is

546
00:41:05,265 –> 00:41:13,110
you’re offering when they get those
kudos, those messages, or anything

547
00:41:13,110 –> 00:41:19,230
that inspires because it feels like
we’re part of this at that point.

548
00:41:19,650 –> 00:41:24,840
So I, I really enjoy it when
people offer those things.

549
00:41:24,870 –> 00:41:31,020
And there’s so many people out there
too interested in making a buck,

550
00:41:31,680 –> 00:41:39,030
and they’re not worried about the
overall health, the, the symbiotic

551
00:41:39,030 –> 00:41:43,920
nature of our planet and our humanity.

552
00:41:45,030 –> 00:41:52,160
And if, if there’s not more effort
beyond ourself, then what we’re

553
00:41:52,365 –> 00:41:58,710
seeing in the world today, we’re,
we’re really in for disastrous times.

554
00:41:58,710 –> 00:42:03,930
And that’s what we are trying to avoid
by having conversations like this,

555
00:42:04,140 –> 00:42:07,110
being open about ourselves and sharing.

556
00:42:07,110 –> 00:42:14,145
And so many people wanna be closed up
because that negative brain chatter

557
00:42:14,355 –> 00:42:22,904
and what the, the hive mind tells
us they want us to be this way.

558
00:42:22,904 –> 00:42:31,665
So I, I really like it when people inspire
people to be something they want to

559
00:42:31,665 –> 00:42:35,325
be instead of what we want them to be.

560
00:42:36,524 –> 00:42:42,254
And, and I think that has really stunted
our growth as a society, has it not?

561
00:42:44,234 –> 00:42:45,765
Oh yeah, for sure.

562
00:42:46,065 –> 00:42:48,464
I mean, we looked to others for approval.

563
00:42:48,464 –> 00:42:51,194
We looked to, and actually that’s
something I wanna talk about.

564
00:42:51,194 –> 00:42:56,970
So Paramour Paradox is
really for people asking that

565
00:42:56,970 –> 00:42:58,830
existential question, Who am I?

566
00:42:59,010 –> 00:42:59,310
Right?

567
00:42:59,310 –> 00:43:02,970
So they’re going through a transition,
uh, could be a divorce, could

568
00:43:02,970 –> 00:43:06,900
be empty nest, could be nearing
retirement, could be a change in job.

569
00:43:07,259 –> 00:43:10,890
Maybe they’re thirty years old and they
got done with college and they’re in

570
00:43:10,890 –> 00:43:14,880
their first career and they’re going,
Oh my God, is this all there is to life?

571
00:43:15,510 –> 00:43:15,960
Right?

572
00:43:15,990 –> 00:43:20,670
So a lot of the, um, people
asking the who am I question are

573
00:43:21,030 –> 00:43:22,920
forties, fifties, sixties, right?

574
00:43:23,190 –> 00:43:27,960
But there are people younger who
are trying to figure out what the

575
00:43:27,960 –> 00:43:29,460
heck they’ve gotten themselves into.

576
00:43:29,580 –> 00:43:36,825
So the first step of that, and
actually the who am I exercise that,

577
00:43:36,885 –> 00:43:40,605
um, and that’s one of the other
freebies is I have a six part video

578
00:43:41,025 –> 00:43:43,545
of the Who Am I exercise that’s free.

579
00:43:43,905 –> 00:43:50,835
But, um, that exercise, the first time
you do it, um, usually makes, doesn’t

580
00:43:50,835 –> 00:43:52,515
answer the question of who am I?

581
00:43:52,515 –> 00:43:56,175
It makes people realize that they don’t
know who they are, that they have put

582
00:43:56,175 –> 00:44:02,385
so many layers on, um, that they are
completely out of touch with their truth.

583
00:44:02,805 –> 00:44:09,555
So what happens then is people feel shame
and guilt and, and self anger, you know?

584
00:44:09,915 –> 00:44:17,295
And it’s important to realize that
those layers are all there to either

585
00:44:17,955 –> 00:44:24,615
keep us safe, keep us loved, or give
us a sense of community and belonging.

586
00:44:25,650 –> 00:44:30,060
They’re not bad things, they’re not
horrible things, it’s not bad we did it.

587
00:44:30,540 –> 00:44:33,810
People with trauma have probably
put on more than others.

588
00:44:34,200 –> 00:44:41,370
But even people brought up in a delightful
family with, you know, great education,

589
00:44:41,610 –> 00:44:43,950
they still, right, normal, right?

590
00:44:43,950 –> 00:44:45,360
Which like doesn’t exist.

591
00:44:45,390 –> 00:44:51,030
But anyways, um, they still have put
on masks, all sorts of masks, you know?

592
00:44:51,390 –> 00:44:54,780
And so it’s not unique to people
with trauma, although certainly

593
00:44:54,780 –> 00:44:57,600
people with trauma might have a
little bit more to dig through.

594
00:44:58,140 –> 00:45:04,080
Um, but the, I think it’s critical to

595
00:45:07,200 –> 00:45:10,440
know, but also feel the truth that

596
00:45:12,500 –> 00:45:17,250
these layers are just adaptations
that are there for a reason.

597
00:45:17,819 –> 00:45:19,109
And they’re not bad.

598
00:45:19,109 –> 00:45:21,450
You’re not bad, you
didn’t do something wrong.

599
00:45:21,810 –> 00:45:25,919
Uh, you know, it’s, it’s part of
the process, but now it’s time to

600
00:45:25,950 –> 00:45:30,930
rip those off and be authentic, you
know, be, be who you really are.

601
00:45:32,700 –> 00:45:38,279
Well, you, you said it earlier, you
know, it’s part of becoming who you are.

602
00:45:38,520 –> 00:45:47,069
And if, if we’re not able to take
the punches and learn, that’s

603
00:45:47,069 –> 00:45:48,839
really what we’re here for.

604
00:45:49,230 –> 00:45:55,680
And I, I really believe that we’re
here to experience and learn.

605
00:45:56,100 –> 00:46:02,040
And all this bad trauma that
we experience makes us not want

606
00:46:02,339 –> 00:46:05,339
any more of that bad feeling.

607
00:46:05,819 –> 00:46:14,100
And eventually, I think accumulation
of this, we’re going to be that.

608
00:46:14,730 –> 00:46:19,710
And if we think that, like you said
earlier, if we think that and be it

609
00:46:19,740 –> 00:46:23,940
now, in the future, we’re already ahead.

610
00:46:24,570 –> 00:46:29,670
So it, it really is being
mindful about the game that

611
00:46:29,790 –> 00:46:34,230
is before us and experiencing.

612
00:46:34,230 –> 00:46:37,080
And it’s okay to lose once in a while.

613
00:46:37,080 –> 00:46:43,560
And when you lose, it just makes
you play better next time and try to

614
00:46:43,560 –> 00:46:46,440
experience it in a different manner.

615
00:46:46,500 –> 00:46:49,830
And really, that’s the key.

616
00:46:49,920 –> 00:46:52,680
Give yourself a break, man.

617
00:46:52,735 –> 00:46:55,350
You, you have to do it.

618
00:46:55,410 –> 00:46:57,780
So do it.

619
00:46:58,140 –> 00:47:01,260
And if it doesn’t work,
try something else.

620
00:47:02,265 –> 00:47:07,964
It’s so hard to do, but yet it’s so easy
to just say, Well, that’s how you do it.

621
00:47:08,504 –> 00:47:17,504
You know, so experiencing and being
okay with defeat, loss, and, you know,

622
00:47:17,504 –> 00:47:27,285
I, I just discourage anyone to downplay
someone where they are, who they

623
00:47:27,285 –> 00:47:30,615
are, how they are, it doesn’t matter.

624
00:47:31,020 –> 00:47:36,645
If, if, if you see a place that
you can step in and fill that

625
00:47:36,645 –> 00:47:39,765
void, it’s up to you to do it.

626
00:47:39,825 –> 00:47:45,674
No one’s going to force you
to do it, but a lot of things

627
00:47:45,674 –> 00:47:48,075
might force us not to do it.

628
00:47:48,495 –> 00:47:54,464
Our pride, our ego, our finance,
you know, there’s a lot of excuses.

629
00:47:55,095 –> 00:48:00,575
So it’s really about stepping
up and taking part in this game

630
00:48:00,575 –> 00:48:02,115
of life that we’re all playing.

631
00:48:03,255 –> 00:48:08,175
So is there anything else, Kristen,
that we should discuss today?

632
00:48:10,215 –> 00:48:10,395
Sure.

633
00:48:10,395 –> 00:48:12,675
I’m sure I can come up
with a couple of things.

634
00:48:13,215 –> 00:48:24,555
Um, so one thing is, back to the idea of
goals and like, you know, creating some

635
00:48:25,545 –> 00:48:31,365
future self or some, you know, achieving
something that you now think you want

636
00:48:31,365 –> 00:48:38,445
or, or really do want, something I’ve
learned in my journey, in my process,

637
00:48:38,505 –> 00:48:46,995
is that if you are living in alignment
with who you really are, you don’t need

638
00:48:46,995 –> 00:48:49,635
discipline and you don’t need motivation.

639
00:48:51,165 –> 00:48:56,170
If you are naturally doing stuff that is

640
00:48:58,215 –> 00:49:04,245
getting you where you think you
wanna go, and you’re doing it just

641
00:49:04,245 –> 00:49:09,405
because you love doing it, then yeah,
that’s probably your path, right?

642
00:49:09,405 –> 00:49:09,465
Yeah.

643
00:49:10,575 –> 00:49:12,165
So that’s one piece.

644
00:49:12,585 –> 00:49:17,085
Because if you’re having to like,
if you’re having to be disciplined

645
00:49:17,085 –> 00:49:18,615
about it, it’s not your truth.

646
00:49:18,765 –> 00:49:20,655
It’s not your path, it’s just not.

647
00:49:20,655 –> 00:49:20,710
That’s right.

648
00:49:21,260 –> 00:49:21,630
It’s not.

649
00:49:21,630 –> 00:49:22,150
That’s right.

650
00:49:22,335 –> 00:49:23,205
So that’s one thing.

651
00:49:23,445 –> 00:49:27,495
Another thing is, um, authenticity.

652
00:49:27,495 –> 00:49:31,665
A lot of people ask me about
authenticity and vulnerability?

653
00:49:32,025 –> 00:49:32,475
right?

654
00:49:32,955 –> 00:49:36,495
So, because I, I’m done
with being anybody else.

655
00:49:37,185 –> 00:49:37,605
That’s right.

656
00:49:37,605 –> 00:49:38,325
You don’t like me.

657
00:49:38,595 –> 00:49:39,915
Oh, well, you know?

658
00:49:41,115 –> 00:49:42,585
Seriously, you know, oh, well.

659
00:49:42,585 –> 00:49:42,645
Yeah.

660
00:49:42,645 –> 00:49:44,085
That’s, that’s your prerogative.

661
00:49:44,115 –> 00:49:46,665
That’s the best advice
in the world right there.

662
00:49:46,815 –> 00:49:47,295
Yeah.

663
00:49:47,295 –> 00:49:51,375
And I don’t mean to interrupt, but
that is the best advice in the world.

664
00:49:52,980 –> 00:49:53,730
Please continue.

665
00:49:53,970 –> 00:49:54,540
Yeah.

666
00:49:54,630 –> 00:49:59,370
So I’ve had people say, Well, you know,
how can you be authentic when like there’s

667
00:49:59,370 –> 00:50:01,950
cultural differences and this and that?

668
00:50:02,490 –> 00:50:08,370
And so that thing that I may, I
alluded to, to building, the jig,

669
00:50:08,430 –> 00:50:13,470
which is based on, I actually didn’t
get into that in enough depth.

670
00:50:14,100 –> 00:50:18,600
If I forget that this, if I forget that
this is about authenticity, remind me

671
00:50:18,600 –> 00:50:21,930
this is about authenticity cause I’m
gonna get slightly off track for a second.

672
00:50:22,320 –> 00:50:25,920
So the jig is a framework.

673
00:50:26,610 –> 00:50:35,009
In carpentry in order to build a bunch of
chairs, carpenters will build a jig first.

674
00:50:35,009 –> 00:50:38,640
So they step back, they take
a moment, they spend time

675
00:50:38,640 –> 00:50:40,529
and energy building the jig.

676
00:50:40,560 –> 00:50:45,689
The jig is what ensures that every,
uh, chair leg will be exactly the

677
00:50:45,689 –> 00:50:49,709
same length, have exactly the same
width, so it can fit in the exactly

678
00:50:49,709 –> 00:50:52,290
perfect hole of the chair base,

679
00:50:52,529 –> 00:50:52,979
right?

680
00:50:53,459 –> 00:50:57,180
And so initially it takes
time and energy upfront.

681
00:50:57,600 –> 00:51:01,649
But once you have it created, the chairs
come together really, really easily.

682
00:51:02,370 –> 00:51:08,250
Well, I help people create their jig
so that when they are confronted with a

683
00:51:08,250 –> 00:51:15,870
decision, an opportunity, a door, they can
within seconds know if it’s the right path

684
00:51:15,870 –> 00:51:20,069
for them because their jig will tell them.

685
00:51:20,069 –> 00:51:22,890
They don’t have to do a pro/con
list, they don’t have to mull it

686
00:51:22,890 –> 00:51:25,770
over, they don’t have to talk to
their spouse, and their parents,

687
00:51:25,770 –> 00:51:27,180
and their kids, and their whatever.

688
00:51:27,540 –> 00:51:30,060
They know either it’s an
alignment or it’s not.

689
00:51:30,899 –> 00:51:33,540
Um, back to authenticity.

690
00:51:33,540 –> 00:51:39,990
So my jig, I’m just gonna give an
example to use to explain authenticity.

691
00:51:40,500 –> 00:51:45,540
So my jig includes, um,
respecting all life.

692
00:51:45,569 –> 00:51:48,569
Now, initially this was
focused on animal life.

693
00:51:48,569 –> 00:51:53,850
And so for me, again, this is
just me, this is my jig, right?

694
00:51:54,299 –> 00:52:01,935
For me, eating an animal is okay,
but only if the animal has been

695
00:52:01,935 –> 00:52:03,944
humanely raised and humanely killed.

696
00:52:04,125 –> 00:52:06,615
Like that’s my, that’s just my thing.

697
00:52:07,125 –> 00:52:09,254
It’s not something I
impose on anybody else.

698
00:52:10,035 –> 00:52:16,365
So living authentically, the way that
looks to me is if I’m preparing my

699
00:52:16,365 –> 00:52:22,275
own food, I only eat meat when I can
eat this particular kind of meat.

700
00:52:22,305 –> 00:52:26,295
Which means I don’t eat as much of
it because one, it’s expensive and

701
00:52:26,295 –> 00:52:28,185
two, it’s harder to find, right?

702
00:52:28,845 –> 00:52:31,875
So I eat a lot more
vegetables than I used to.

703
00:52:32,595 –> 00:52:37,424
But what happens if you go to
somebody’s house for dinner and

704
00:52:37,424 –> 00:52:42,975
they have prepared this amazing pork
roast, they have spent hours slaving

705
00:52:42,975 –> 00:52:47,895
in the kitchen and you know it’s not
a happy, I call them happy, right?

706
00:52:48,045 –> 00:52:49,515
It’s not a happy pig.

707
00:52:49,515 –> 00:52:51,944
It was not raised right, it was not killed

708
00:52:51,944 –> 00:52:52,365
right.

709
00:52:52,815 –> 00:52:53,745
What do you do?

710
00:52:54,540 –> 00:52:54,990
Okay.

711
00:52:55,200 –> 00:53:02,880
So to be authentic, the way it looks
to me is I graciously enjoy their

712
00:53:02,880 –> 00:53:09,360
meal, and I quietly thank the pig for
giving its life to me to nourish my

713
00:53:09,360 –> 00:53:15,600
body, I, you know, pray to it, I thank
it, but I do it all in my own head.

714
00:53:15,990 –> 00:53:20,340
So I’m not imposing that on anybody
else, I’m not shifting the dynamic,

715
00:53:20,340 –> 00:53:24,900
I’m not making it about me, but
I’m still being true to who I am.

716
00:53:25,680 –> 00:53:29,610
Because one of my other
items in my jig is community.

717
00:53:29,640 –> 00:53:32,730
Like community is so important
to me and relationships.

718
00:53:33,210 –> 00:53:37,230
So if I were to go to that dinner
and go, I’m sorry, I can’t eat

719
00:53:37,230 –> 00:53:42,180
this because it’s probably not a
happy pig, am I gonna have friends?

720
00:53:42,450 –> 00:53:44,549
No, you know?

721
00:53:44,790 –> 00:53:47,490
And both of those things
are equally important to me.

722
00:53:47,490 –> 00:53:51,810
And so the way I preserve them
and am still true to me and

723
00:53:51,810 –> 00:53:54,120
authentic is what I just described.

724
00:53:54,720 –> 00:53:57,509
So that’s something else that
a lot of people ask me about

725
00:53:58,589 –> 00:53:59,790
that I thought I would share.

726
00:54:00,330 –> 00:54:02,790
There was one other
thing that I thought of,

727
00:54:05,220 –> 00:54:05,640
I don’t know.

728
00:54:05,970 –> 00:54:11,050
One other thing people can know about me
is that, um, my other work, so Paramour

729
00:54:11,069 –> 00:54:13,890
Paradox is really, it’s my soul mission.

730
00:54:14,279 –> 00:54:17,610
Um, it’s what I breathe.

731
00:54:18,120 –> 00:54:23,490
Um, it’s not something that
I created to make money.

732
00:54:23,850 –> 00:54:24,870
You know, money’s great.

733
00:54:24,900 –> 00:54:27,180
If it makes money, great,
doesn’t really matter.

734
00:54:27,240 –> 00:54:28,470
I make money a different way.

735
00:54:28,890 –> 00:54:32,880
The way I make money relates
to, but is not Paramour Paradox.

736
00:54:32,880 –> 00:54:34,620
And what it is is divorce coaching.

737
00:54:35,069 –> 00:54:37,740
I specifically, um,

738
00:54:39,870 –> 00:54:44,670
have a lot to offer to lesbians in
psychologically abusive marriages.

739
00:54:44,880 –> 00:54:47,520
Because that’s who I was, that’s who I am.

740
00:54:47,910 –> 00:54:49,680
That’s a special gift that I offer.

741
00:54:50,130 –> 00:54:53,790
People in that place, I still don’t
tell people what to do, right?

742
00:54:53,790 –> 00:54:59,040
Because that’s not going to get them
their end goal out of their divorce.

743
00:54:59,040 –> 00:55:01,680
So it’s still the same
process as Paramour Paradox.

744
00:55:01,680 –> 00:55:07,440
I help people dig through the nonsense to
figure out their values, their priorities,

745
00:55:07,710 –> 00:55:11,970
how to frame things, how to be a credible
person in the divorce, blah, blah, blah.

746
00:55:13,455 –> 00:55:22,035
The way this potentially helps people, um,
uh, the way Paramour Paradox potentially

747
00:55:22,035 –> 00:55:27,435
helps people in that situation is once
they get clear of all the fog, and

748
00:55:27,435 –> 00:55:33,270
all the madness, and all the trauma,
and all the chaos, sometimes they will

749
00:55:33,390 –> 00:55:36,525
then be saying, Oh my God, who am I?

750
00:55:36,915 –> 00:55:41,745
You know, like after all this is
over, I have no clue who I am.

751
00:55:42,495 –> 00:55:47,445
And that’s where Paramour Paradox
can then help, um, those clients.

752
00:55:47,865 –> 00:55:55,815
But that part of my life, that part of
my work is a lot more, um, oh, I know,

753
00:55:55,815 –> 00:56:00,885
the other thing I was gonna say, is a
lot more about helping people through

754
00:56:01,500 –> 00:56:08,820
the crisis trauma to get to the other
side to realize they are magnificent and

755
00:56:08,820 –> 00:56:11,430
you can hear what your magnificence is.

756
00:56:12,570 –> 00:56:19,710
The other thing I was going to
say is, so you gotta get out

757
00:56:19,710 –> 00:56:21,570
of the victim story, right?

758
00:56:23,010 –> 00:56:25,320
Is your story serving your future?

759
00:56:26,640 –> 00:56:27,930
That’s the question I ask.

760
00:56:27,930 –> 00:56:29,430
Is your story serving your future?

761
00:56:29,430 –> 00:56:30,300
Mine was not.

762
00:56:31,710 –> 00:56:32,250
It wasn’t.

763
00:56:32,730 –> 00:56:39,660
So does that mean I am ignoring the fact
that I was sexually assaulted and raped?

764
00:56:39,660 –> 00:56:41,460
Am I pretending those didn’t exist?

765
00:56:41,460 –> 00:56:45,585
Am I pretending that I wasn’t
horribly psychologically abused

766
00:56:45,585 –> 00:56:47,085
for twenty-two years of my life?

767
00:56:47,085 –> 00:56:48,165
Am I negating that?

768
00:56:48,165 –> 00:56:51,915
Am I, you know, um, saying
that that didn’t happen?

769
00:56:51,915 –> 00:56:54,734
No, a hundred percent
that’s not what I’m doing.

770
00:56:55,125 –> 00:57:01,065
But what I am doing is I’m
reframing it in a way that doesn’t

771
00:57:01,065 –> 00:57:05,265
make my current life the victim.

772
00:57:06,970 –> 00:57:15,075
So, for example, a story could be,
well, no, my story was when I left

773
00:57:15,075 –> 00:57:19,825
my marriage, um, I had to flee in the
middle of the night because I was being

774
00:57:20,085 –> 00:57:22,305
psychologically abused and controlled.

775
00:57:22,305 –> 00:57:26,625
And I moved to a place where I
know I knew nobody and I only had

776
00:57:26,625 –> 00:57:28,575
two carloads of stuff with me.

777
00:57:29,025 –> 00:57:32,670
And, um, you know, whatever, right?

778
00:57:32,670 –> 00:57:35,490
So that was my version of
the story in the beginning.

779
00:57:35,820 –> 00:57:38,160
And, you know, fleeing in the middle
of the night, that’s not really

780
00:57:38,160 –> 00:57:42,000
what I did, but that was my story
because it enabled people to feel

781
00:57:42,000 –> 00:57:44,970
more compassion for me or whatever,

782
00:57:45,240 –> 00:57:45,630
right?

783
00:57:46,410 –> 00:57:51,780
The story that I shifted it to
is, I was in a marriage that

784
00:57:51,780 –> 00:57:53,910
was not really good for me.

785
00:57:54,090 –> 00:57:57,840
I got out, I moved to this place I’d
never been to before and met some

786
00:57:57,840 –> 00:58:01,890
really amazing people, I discovered all
these places that I didn’t even know

787
00:58:01,890 –> 00:58:07,680
existed, I got to take my dogs on walks
to places that had never been before.

788
00:58:08,160 –> 00:58:14,100
Um, you know, I just, I’m so excited
about all the people I’m getting to meet,

789
00:58:14,160 –> 00:58:18,960
the community that I have formed, the
opportunities that weren’t there before.

790
00:58:19,200 –> 00:58:22,995
So it’s the same darn experience, right?

791
00:58:22,995 –> 00:58:28,425
But just framed in a way
that now I’m not back there.

792
00:58:29,025 –> 00:58:35,025
Now I am here and here is
actually my future self.

793
00:58:36,225 –> 00:58:36,405
Yep.

794
00:58:37,545 –> 00:58:42,285
Gandhi, be the change you
want to see in the world.

795
00:58:42,615 –> 00:58:42,945
Yep.

796
00:58:43,485 –> 00:58:45,465
And that says it all.

797
00:58:45,525 –> 00:58:50,865
And when we learn to do that, we
can actually move mountains and

798
00:58:50,865 –> 00:58:54,225
change whatever is in front of us.

799
00:58:54,735 –> 00:59:01,155
So I, I really enjoy talks like
this because not only are they

800
00:59:01,155 –> 00:59:03,855
informative, they’re empowering.

801
00:59:04,335 –> 00:59:10,635
And that’s really truly what we need
more of is empowerment to the people

802
00:59:10,635 –> 00:59:18,765
that have been negated to the underlings,
or the misfits, or the detached.

803
00:59:19,920 –> 00:59:22,530
Like you said, we’re all magnificent.

804
00:59:22,860 –> 00:59:30,450
We have a gift and let it shine, that’s,
that’s the best thing for you because

805
00:59:30,540 –> 00:59:32,370
that’s what’s going to make you happy.

806
00:59:33,000 –> 00:59:35,370
And I like the way you said,

807
00:59:38,160 –> 00:59:43,830
We are what we make ourselves out to be.

808
00:59:43,980 –> 00:59:49,860
So it’s okay to be that,
nobody’s gonna do it for us.

809
00:59:50,820 –> 00:59:56,050
Kristen, how can people get
ahold of you and work with you?

810
00:59:57,360 –> 01:00:04,259
Um, I direct everybody to you2point0.com,
that’s Y,O,U, the number two, the

811
01:00:04,259 –> 01:00:07,110
word point, the number zero.com.

812
01:00:07,170 –> 01:00:08,970
And I’m sure you’ll have
it in the show notes.

813
01:00:09,509 –> 01:00:14,400
Um, that is just a little video
of me saying, Hey, you wanna chat?

814
01:00:14,430 –> 01:00:15,960
And then a link to my calendar.

815
01:00:16,470 –> 01:00:17,670
It’s a half hour.

816
01:00:18,060 –> 01:00:21,420
Honestly, there’s like no
sales pitch, no pressure.

817
01:00:21,420 –> 01:00:25,320
I like talking, I like hearing,
I like asking questions, I like

818
01:00:25,320 –> 01:00:26,790
helping people get on their path.

819
01:00:26,880 –> 01:00:31,770
It is what my soul source, self,
whatever you wanna call it,

820
01:00:32,070 –> 01:00:33,600
it’s what I’ve been told to do.

821
01:00:34,080 –> 01:00:36,550
Um, so if you wanna chat,

822
01:00:38,830 –> 01:00:39,820
If it’s your passion, do it.

823
01:00:40,320 –> 01:00:41,730
That, that’s the key.

824
01:00:42,509 –> 01:00:45,750
Thank you so much for sharing
with us today, Kristen.

825
01:00:45,750 –> 01:00:46,709
It’s been a delight.

826
01:00:47,210 –> 01:00:47,850
Thank you, Ed.

827
01:01:01,524 –> 01:01:09,255
Fingers trace the earthen lines
where shadow met the fading light.

828
01:01:13,155 –> 01:01:15,885
Each callous tells a midnight tale,

829
01:01:19,175 –> 01:01:22,445
of battles waged beneath the veil.

830
01:01:24,405 –> 01:01:28,830
After survival, who are you?

831
01:01:30,770 –> 01:01:33,790
Brush away the ash, uncover
what shines through.

832
01:01:34,890 –> 01:01:41,140
Not carved in stone but shaped by flame,
my breath the wind, my pulse the same.

833
01:01:42,769 –> 01:01:46,669
Paramour to my own soul.

834
01:01:49,519 –> 01:01:50,570
Kristen kneels where

835
01:01:55,410 –> 01:01:58,030
fires burned, shows me
how the embers turned.

836
01:01:58,030 –> 01:01:58,490
Not to mend the

837
01:02:02,870 –> 01:02:03,540
shattered vase,

838
01:02:06,960 –> 01:02:09,865
but plant wild flowers in its

839
01:02:11,875 –> 01:02:11,945
place.

840
01:02:12,385 –> 01:02:13,645
After survival,

841
01:02:15,895 –> 01:02:16,835
who are you?

842
01:02:18,765 –> 01:02:21,924
Brush away the ash, uncover
what shines through.

843
01:02:21,924 –> 01:02:29,035
Not carved in stone, but shaped by flame,
my breath the wind, my pulse the same.

844
01:02:30,774 –> 01:02:34,905
Paramour to my own soul.

845
01:02:37,170 –> 01:02:43,569
The drumskin hums against my palm
language older than my wounds.

846
01:02:43,569 –> 01:02:49,025
Tears salt the soil where I kneel,
until the earth begins to heal.

847
01:02:49,134 –> 01:02:51,054
This slow unearthing grain by grain,

848
01:02:56,514 –> 01:03:00,494
reveals the sun after the rain.

849
01:03:02,854 –> 01:03:04,524
Who stands here now?

850
01:03:05,794 –> 01:03:07,954
With sweat-browed vow.

851
01:03:09,614 –> 01:03:10,934
Aligned, complete, heartbeat to heartbeat.

852
01:03:10,934 –> 01:03:11,184
After survival, who

853
01:03:11,184 –> 01:03:11,274
are you?

854
01:03:11,274 –> 01:03:11,444
Brush away the ash, uncover

855
01:03:23,824 –> 01:03:25,154
what shines through.

856
01:03:25,834 –> 01:03:33,744
Not carved in stone but shaped by flame,
my breath the wind, my pulse the same.

857
01:03:33,744 –> 01:03:34,214
Paramour

858
01:03:34,214 –> 01:03:37,624
to my own soul.

859
01:03:37,624 –> 01:03:42,710
The rhythm moves from ground to bone,

860
01:03:45,380 –> 01:03:46,470
no longer

861
01:03:46,850 –> 01:03:47,930
walking this path alone.

862
01:03:49,160 –> 01:03:49,609
Paramour

863
01:03:54,400 –> 01:03:55,200
to my own

864
01:04:07,220 –> 01:04:07,250
soul.