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Doing that a lot is validation seeking
behavior and, uh, it’s not masculine

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to be constantly seeking validation.

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Like, it, it’s actually, that’s more of
a, a, a, a feminine trait to be looking

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for validation and attention all the time.

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And so if you’re that guy, women start
looking at that going, I don’t know why,

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but it, it’s unattractive is because
it, it goes against the nature, right?

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Today, we are speaking with Paul Bauer.

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Paul Bauer is the host
of Come On Man podcast.

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He’s also an author of three books
and he’s a relationship coach.

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Paul, could you please introduce
yourself and let people know just

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a little more about you please?

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Yeah.

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Ed, thank you for having
me on your show today.

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I really appreciate it.

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Uh, yeah.

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A lot of people, when I go on other
people’s shows, they want to hear, they

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want to hear the Batman origin story.

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Like, who is this guy?

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Why should I care what he has to say?

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I, I get it.

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Um, well, a little bit about me.

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I grew up in, uh, rural Colorado
on the eastern slope in the

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foothills outside of Denver.

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I was always pretty good with women,
you know, I would say like when I was

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in high school, I always had dates.

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Uh, you know, lost my
virginity at, at sixteen.

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But I was always the kind of guy that
had what we call a sniper mentality,

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which means the first girl that’s
nice to you, you go all in on her.

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You’re immediately

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monogamous with her, and you’re like,
Okay, I’m gonna pursue this girl

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and this is, this, she’s the one for
me, she’s my soulmate, or whatever.

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And so I had a lot of
soulmates, um, early on there.

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And, uh, ended up being, I, I
ended up leaving for the US Navy.

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I’m a, I’m a former sailor and I left
for the Navy when I was eighteen.

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And two years into my enlistment, I went
home on leave and I met my now ex-wife.

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And it was the same thing, I met her,
uh, through some mutual friends and I

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spent that whole week with her when I
was on leave, just getting to know her.

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And ended up going back to my ship
which was in San Diego, she was

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here in Colorado, and we had this
long distance relationship for

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almost a year before I convinced her
to move out to San Diego with me.

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And so she moved out to San Diego and
we only really knew each other in person

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for about three months before we ended
up eloping, which is a big mistake.

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But when you’re young and, and you’re,
you’re in love and you’re rushing for

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that white picket fence, you know,
that’s, uh, that tends to happen, right?

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Well, the problem with, you know, not
knowing someone much longer than that

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is you overlook red flags, you never
really get to see who they truly are.

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Because in most relationships,
there’s a six month to a year

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honeymoon phase where everyone’s
on their best behavior, you know?

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Well, but we rushed into that
because I was getting ready to

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go on a couple of deployments.

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A three month training deployment, uh, out
in Hawaii, and then come back for a month,

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and then I was gonna be gone for
six months on a real deployment

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out in the Middle East.

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And so I wanted to make sure that
she was taken care of because

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that’s your job as a man, right?

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You have to protect and provide and I
wanted to make sure that she was okay.

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And so she had insurance and, you know,
if I, if something happened to me,

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she would get my my life insurance.

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Because by God, I was in love,
Ed, and I wanted to make sure

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she was taken care of, right?

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Well, we get married and luckily we
did get along very well, at least

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in the beginning, and we ended up
being married for fourteen years.

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And that first, the first seven
years were actually pretty good

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and we had, uh, we ended up having
two wonderful children out of it.

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My, my daughter’s now twenty,
she’s off in college now.

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And my son, he’s turning
sixteen at the end of the month.

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He’s, he’s, uh, a sophomore in
high school and he’s getting

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ready to get his driver’s license.

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Great kids.

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But man, after that seven year mark, uh,
things started really going downhill.

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And man, I just, I, I, we got
to a place in the relationship

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where I would work like seventeen
hour days just to avoid her.

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I, because I knew, Ed, that when I got
home, I was gonna get an earful about how

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I wasn’t doing things good enough, and
everything was wrong, and that she had a

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million, you know, honeydo chores for me.

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And, and I was just like,
I’m not dealing with this.

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I, I’m going to, I’m
just gonna focus on work.

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So I’d work late hours,
come home, go to bed.

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There was nights where I, I didn’t like
her so much that instead of, I didn’t

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even wanna sleep in the same room as her.

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I would go out to my garage, I would
grab a cot, I’d go sleep in my office.

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I was like, I, I don’t even wanna
be, be around you, you know?

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But I was also the kind of guy who
was raised that, you know, vows

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are, vows mean something, you know?

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so I was never gonna divorce her, I
was never gonna give up, I was just

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resolved to be miserable in this
relationship until the end of life.

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Because that’s how my dad does it, right?

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My dad’s, my dad and my mom are still
together, they’re, they’re coming up

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on their fiftieth wedding anniversary.

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They hate each other.

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They, they’re together at this point
just to spite each other, you know?

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And, um, my grand, my, my, both sets
of grandparents never got divorced.

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So I was like, This is just how life is.

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I, I developed this paradigm that,
yeah, you, you’re happy in the

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beginning, you have a couple kids
and then you’re supposed to be

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miserable, a miserable workhorse
for the rest of your life, you know?

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And bless her heart, you know, after
fourteen years, she, she had enough of it.

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And she, her, her, she wasn’t raised the
same way, her, her mom and dad split, you

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know, when she was, uh, you know, young.

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And so she didn’t have the same qualms
about going and filing for divorce, and,

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uh, she ended up filing for divorce.

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And, and honestly, for me, it was a big
weight lifted off my chest because I, you

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know, she had the, the guts to go do it.

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But then I found myself fifty pounds
overweight, back on the dating

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circuit, uh, in my mid thirties,

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you know, it’s a, it was, it’s a
totally different world out here now.

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Because when I, when she and
I met, there were no dating

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apps, there was no social media.

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You know, we actually had to go out
when we were in high school and, and

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get in the car with a bunch of our
boys and go hollering at girls who were

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also in cars hollering at guys, right?

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So, or go down to the mall or
to the skating rink or whatever.

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And, uh, now it’s, it’s a
totally different world.

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And, uh, I just floundered, man.

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I,I floundered on the dating
circuit, this was in 2014.

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Floundered on the dating circuit for
almost a whole year, about, about eleven

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months before I found, uh, another gal who
sort of, I, I call her a chubby chaser.

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She sort of took pity on me, gorgeous
gal. But she really liked me, and

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I, and I, same patterns emerged,
I was like, Oh, I’m going all in.

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I like this girl, first
girl that’s nice to me.

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I’m going all in.

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Ended up in this relationship
that I probably shouldn’t have

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been in for four and a half years.

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And the problem with that is
immediately the, the same things

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that caused the attraction to erode
in my marriage, I, I started being

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that guy in this relationship.

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I immediately started going into
husband mode where I thought I

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reached this imaginary finish line
and I didn’t have to try anymore.

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And, for her, she checked out much faster.

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She checked out mentally about
two years into that relationship.

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And what, what a guy, a lot of guys
don’t realize is when a woman mentally

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checks out from a relationship,

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um, they can do that up to two years
before filing for divorce, before

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breaking up with you, whatever.

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And what they tend to do in that time
is they start socking money away, they

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start lining up male orbiters, they start
making a, a, basically an exit strategy.

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And sometimes it takes, takes a while.

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And so for her, it, she was
doing that pretty much the last

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two years of the relationship.

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And right near the end, uh, she started
acting so bad that I, I finally was

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like, I can’t deal with this anymore
and I ended up breaking up with her.

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And I came to find out, uh, a while
later that she was actually cheating

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on me at the end of that relationship,
Um, which was, you know, a, a, a big

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sort of eye-opening moment for me.

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But that time, back on the dating
circuit, this was in 2019, I

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had a much easier time, Ed.

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I had a, because I had lost all the
weight, I, I, I had lost, while I was

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in that relationship, I got back into
fitness, I, I lost all the fifty pounds,

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I was actually in really good shape.

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So I was able to get dates
really easy this time.

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Uh, but I couldn’t keep women around
more than like two or three dates.

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And I was like, What
am I doing wrong here?

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Like, the two biggest
relationships in my life failed.

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I can’t keep women around longer than
two or three dates before they ghost me.

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Like, I’m clearly the problem.

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I’m clearly the common denominator here.

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And one of the, the biggest blessings
of that relationship, that second

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relationship, the four and a half
year one, I I, I referred to her

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as Red Pill Chick, is that she was
really big into self-help books

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and audio books and she was always
listening to this kind of stuff.

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and I go, Man, I bet you there’s
some books out there, some audio

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books, I could, I could study to
figure out what I’m doing wrong.

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And so I took a deep dive in intersexual
dynamics, I took a deep dive into the

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psychology of attraction, understanding
where women were coming from and stuff.

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And so through that process and applying
that in the dating world, I ended up in a

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men’s group on Facebook called The 3% Man
Group, where we were all studying a book

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called How to Be A 3% Man by Corey Wayne.

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And out of that group, I, I created
my podcast, the Come On Man podcast.

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And it initially started as me
interviewing other guys in the

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group who were trying to level
up and get better with women.

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And the funny thing that we all realized,
the guys that actually put the work

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in, is that when you level up to get
better with women, it tends to make you

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better men in all areas of your life.

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It’s almost like women
make us better, you know?

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Just the, the qualities that women
find attractive make you better in

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business, it makes you better in your
social life, it just, it’s, it’s kind

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of an interesting, uh, phenomenon.

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It’s like men and women really are meant
to compliment each other in that way.

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And so, uh, so anyway, I started
the podcast and from the podcast it

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started getting bigger, I started
interviewing more guys in the space.

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And, uh, from there I ended up,
uh, getting invited on a, a panel

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00:11:22,050 –> 00:11:25,080
show on Saturdays with some of
the more prominent guys in, in

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what we call the red pill space.

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I don’t know if you’re familiar with Red
Pill, but, um, I got invited on a panel

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show by a guy named Rollo Tomassi who
wrote, uh, a really phenomenal book series

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called The Rational Male book series.

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And, uh, went under the learning
tree of all the guys in that group

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’cause they’re all very seasoned,
you know, mentors in the space.

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Guys that are, that coach men,
psychologists, and stuff like that.

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And, uh, ended up starting
coaching men myself.

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And so I’ve been doing that
for the last several years now.

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Um, I’m in a wonderful relationship
now that’s going on five years and it’s

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effortless just because of everything
that I’ve learned and, uh, I apply

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00:12:04,750 –> 00:12:06,460
it every day in my relationship.

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00:12:06,490 –> 00:12:09,730
Like we’ve been together, We’ve
been get, like I said, going on five

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00:12:09,730 –> 00:12:13,510
years now we’ve never once had a real
argument, not a, not a serious argument.

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Which when I talk to people about that,
they’re like, That, How is that possible?

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And I’m like, It’s possible.

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It’s possible when you learn, you
know, relationship skills, you know?

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00:12:24,425 –> 00:12:27,574
And a lot of us have never been
taught relationship skills.

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It’s, it’s actually a, a, a thing that,
you know, we, we tend to learn from our

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parents, you know, from our upbringing.

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We see how mom and dad
interact with each other.

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We never actually really get sit
down and study, you know, how,

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00:12:41,635 –> 00:12:43,515
how, how to properly communicate.

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Because men and women communicate
differently so there’s, there’s

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a, there’s some tricks there.

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So, um, anyway, after learning all
that stuff, um, now I help men.

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And, and one of the things that
really motivated me, it was something

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that clicked with me last year
was, uh, a lot of guys find their

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way into the space because they’re
in a position I was years ago.

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Where they’re married, they,
they’ll, they’ll never give up,

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um, but their relationship is
not where they want it to be.

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A lot of guys are in a dead bedroom
situation and a lot of guys find

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their way to the space because they’re
trying to find out how do I get my

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00:13:17,775 –> 00:13:20,145
wife to have sex with me again, right?

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Like, my wife hasn’t had sex with me in
months, or if she does, she’s not into it.

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How do I get her, like this, right?

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It’s all about changing her.

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And, uh, and so a lot of guys find
their way to the space and they

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realize it’s not her, it’s you and
how you show up in the relationship

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and how you lead that relationship.

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And so, uh, so I decided I’m gonna
help men in that situation never have

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to go through what I went through.

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Paul, very interesting story going on.

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Uh, I wanna start with, thank you for
serving our country, it’s top in my life.

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I, I really appreciate people
that take the time to do that.

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The Come On Man podcast basically
is, is to help yourself grow

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as you help others grow.

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Is that correct?

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That’s, that’s really what it started
out as, uh, and I’ll tell you why.

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Because a lot of people, a lot of
people, what I found in the space

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is they’ll study this stuff, right?

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They’ll read the books just long
enough to get, you know, get into

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their next relationship, right?

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00:14:31,225 –> 00:14:35,820
Or, or just long enough in to, in order
to get their wife to act a certain

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way, then they’ll stop and then they
will fall back on old programming.

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Because a lot of people don’t realize
this is that, uh, we are, our, our

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actions and our results in life come
from our paradigm, our subconscious mind.

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And so we have this paradigm of how
relationships should be that, and that’s

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00:14:54,944 –> 00:14:57,194
been programmed in us all, all our lives.

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And you can’t undo twenty, thirty,
forty years of programming after

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00:15:01,665 –> 00:15:04,344
reading a book once, you know?

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And so, so one of the things that,
uh, I realized is that I have to

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00:15:10,949 –> 00:15:12,780
constantly study this material.

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00:15:12,839 –> 00:15:17,819
And one of the things that forces
me to have to keep this stuff on the

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00:15:17,819 –> 00:15:22,890
forefront so I’m, it, I never fall
back into complacency, is the podcast.

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The podcast forces me to keep
studying this stuff so it’s always

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on the forefront of my mind.

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I always have to come up with new episodes
and so, yeah, it, it, it really started

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00:15:32,954 –> 00:15:37,935
out as a way for me to keep this on the
forefront of my mind, and then it just

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blew up as a way to help other men.

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And then I’ve, I’ve just found that

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helping other men is just
extremely rewarding and it’s

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become a mission of mine in life.

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And, and every man needs a, a mission
or a purpose in life, or else he’s

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00:15:52,365 –> 00:15:57,405
gonna fall stagnant, uh, you know, he’s
gonna get, just let life happen to him.

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00:15:57,435 –> 00:16:00,535
That actually ends up being,
making you really unattractive.

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00:16:00,865 –> 00:16:05,725
Women really like a guy that has a
mission, a purpose, a, a sense of, of

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ambition and drive, and something that
makes them want to get up in the morning.

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That’s attractive to women and
a lot of guys aren’t like that.

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00:16:13,255 –> 00:16:18,079
They just, you know, they get to a place,
I got a job now, I, you know, I, I, I work

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00:16:18,079 –> 00:16:22,340
nine to five, I come home, I crack open a
couple of beers, I try to get my wife to

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sleep with me, she rejects me, whatever.

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I go to sleep, wake up, rinse, wash,
repeat, they, that’s their lives.

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It’s extremely boring.

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Women hate that, and that’s
why women start nagging.

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You know, when a woman’s
nagging you, that’s a sign.

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That’s a sign.

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It’s not, she’s not trying
to be mean, she’s trying to

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snap you out of complacency.

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I, I have been with my wife forty-two
years, married forty years, and

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I’ve been the rollercoaster,
up and down, up and down.

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And really until I hit fifty years old, I
had no clue of what the heck I was doing.

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And you know, my wife got fed up with
it several times and I had no clue.

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And until I really was put on a spot and
I found myself broken, then I started to

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really understand, Well, maybe this is me,
like you stated in your, uh, run up here.

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That, that’s really where it
starts, finding that awareness and

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understanding maybe, uh, you’re not
the same person that your wife met.

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And through getting complacent with life,
maybe you’ve slacked here and there.

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Figuring that out is hard.

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And then also, you know,
communication, like you said,

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different worlds, men and women,

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00:18:03,975 –> 00:18:04,935
big time.

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00:18:05,295 –> 00:18:09,345
Uh, we’re different creatures and we
think different, we act different,

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00:18:09,345 –> 00:18:12,045
our emotions come out different.

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This is hard, especially
if you’re a young man.

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And you know, I, it was one of
the hardest things in my life when

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I had to tell my wife, Fuck off.

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00:18:24,935 –> 00:18:27,795
You know, this isn’t
the way it’s going to be.

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00:18:28,575 –> 00:18:37,095
And when I was able to do that in
a loving way, that’s when my life

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00:18:37,095 –> 00:18:39,825
started getting better, you know?

293
00:18:39,825 –> 00:18:44,535
And, and this, uh, what,
what do you call it?

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00:18:44,715 –> 00:18:49,545
Uh, betaization , it, it
really is a thing, you know?

295
00:18:49,545 –> 00:18:54,225
And you’ve got to be on top
of who you are, what you are,

296
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and why you’re that person.

297
00:18:57,525 –> 00:19:00,285
What is your goal in life?

298
00:19:00,675 –> 00:19:01,665
Having a goal.

299
00:19:02,054 –> 00:19:10,485
If, if you don’t, stagnation, it slides
in quick and that’s not attractive.

300
00:19:10,710 –> 00:19:16,020
It, it gets redundant, boring,
and it causes conflict.

301
00:19:16,740 –> 00:19:22,620
So understanding who your partner is
is very important, and that means being

302
00:19:22,620 –> 00:19:29,100
blunt, getting straight to the point
as quick as possible, and that, that

303
00:19:29,340 –> 00:19:32,340
way you know who you’re dealing with.

304
00:19:32,550 –> 00:19:38,070
Because sometimes, like you stated, it
takes years to understand who you’re with.

305
00:19:38,670 –> 00:19:42,150
And that’s part of that
complacency, isn’t it?

306
00:19:43,410 –> 00:19:44,160
It is.

307
00:19:44,220 –> 00:19:48,600
Um, and I like how you said it’s really
hard, it’s really hard for a young man.

308
00:19:48,630 –> 00:19:52,770
Um, my, my first book is
called, Everything I Wish

309
00:19:52,770 –> 00:19:53,810
I Knew When I was Eighteen.

310
00:19:54,300 –> 00:19:59,610
Because after I learned all this stuff,
it was just like a slap in the face.

311
00:19:59,909 –> 00:20:00,810
Like why?

312
00:20:01,149 –> 00:20:01,450
What?

313
00:20:01,470 –> 00:20:04,560
I wish someone would’ve told me
this coming out of high school.

314
00:20:04,950 –> 00:20:09,389
That there’s a, there’s a, it’s almost
a science, you know, it really is.

315
00:20:09,480 –> 00:20:11,670
A lot of, uh, so I come
out of the Red Pill space.

316
00:20:11,700 –> 00:20:17,760
Red pill started, uh, as guys swapping
notes in pickup forums, right?

317
00:20:17,760 –> 00:20:19,790
How to get women to sleep
with them quick, right?

318
00:20:19,790 –> 00:20:23,445
Like it, and what these guys found
was there was all these tricks

319
00:20:23,445 –> 00:20:25,365
that tended to work really well.

320
00:20:25,365 –> 00:20:30,435
And so then these other guys came in
with evolutionary psychology to try

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00:20:30,435 –> 00:20:34,875
to explain, okay, well, we know this
works, we know women respond to this.

322
00:20:35,265 –> 00:20:36,555
Why, right?

323
00:20:36,555 –> 00:20:40,065
And so they came in with evolutionary
psychology to try to explain it.

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00:20:40,065 –> 00:20:43,515
So it really is a science and it,
and one of the things that I found

325
00:20:44,535 –> 00:20:48,315
is that it, a lot of people think
that love is this thing that just

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00:20:48,315 –> 00:20:50,145
sort of magically sort of happens.

327
00:20:50,205 –> 00:20:51,495
It works like clockwork.

328
00:20:51,555 –> 00:20:56,505
If you, if you apply it, um, like
in the dating process, right?

329
00:20:56,505 –> 00:21:02,445
You apply it in a strategic way,
men can actually, you can watch

330
00:21:02,445 –> 00:21:04,125
guys progress through this.

331
00:21:04,155 –> 00:21:06,135
Uh, every guy that I’ve
ever watched study this,

332
00:21:06,135 –> 00:21:07,275
it’s like clockwork, right?

333
00:21:07,275 –> 00:21:13,410
So one of the things that we found
is that if you, in the beginning, you

334
00:21:13,410 –> 00:21:15,480
don’t push for a relationship, right?

335
00:21:15,480 –> 00:21:19,410
You be the one that, uh, you only
see her once a week, you don’t

336
00:21:19,410 –> 00:21:20,940
try to occupy all of her time.

337
00:21:20,940 –> 00:21:24,490
That’s what a lot of guys do, they find a
girl that’s nice, they try to see her ten

338
00:21:24,510 –> 00:21:26,850
times a week, like the first week, right?

339
00:21:27,000 –> 00:21:30,930
Well, you don’t do that you act
like, you know, you’re busy and

340
00:21:30,930 –> 00:21:32,730
you try to be really busy, right?

341
00:21:32,730 –> 00:21:34,110
Be a man of, of purpose.

342
00:21:34,110 –> 00:21:39,150
You, you go out there, you only see her
once a week, you wait a couple of days to

343
00:21:39,150 –> 00:21:43,760
let her wonder about you, you know, you
don’t text her all day long your play by

344
00:21:43,760 –> 00:21:45,560
play, like, I just ate a ham sandwich.

345
00:21:45,560 –> 00:21:46,550
Like she doesn’t care.

346
00:21:46,910 –> 00:21:51,920
So you be a mystery and you’ll find
that women will start chasing you.

347
00:21:52,040 –> 00:21:55,280
Like if they really like you and they’re
like, they’re trying to figure you out,

348
00:21:55,280 –> 00:21:58,880
they’re, that actually draws them in
and makes them more attracted to you.

349
00:21:59,180 –> 00:22:04,035
So you only see ’em once a week for
the first couple weeks until she

350
00:22:04,035 –> 00:22:05,805
really wants to start seeing you a lot.

351
00:22:05,805 –> 00:22:07,995
Then she’s going to reach out to you more.

352
00:22:08,235 –> 00:22:09,555
Hey, I was just thinking about you.

353
00:22:09,555 –> 00:22:11,535
Hey, I just saw this meme
that made me think of you.

354
00:22:11,535 –> 00:22:13,185
Whatever, that’s women chasing you.

355
00:22:13,185 –> 00:22:17,804
It’s funny ’cause women are very
subtle, they don’t openly ask men out.

356
00:22:17,865 –> 00:22:21,615
They don’t openly pursue men
’cause that’s not in their nature.

357
00:22:21,615 –> 00:22:22,514
They’re very passive.

358
00:22:22,514 –> 00:22:25,844
So the way women will chase you is
they just sort of put themselves

359
00:22:25,844 –> 00:22:30,044
in their, in your orbit and
hope you ask them out, right?

360
00:22:30,375 –> 00:22:34,004
And so you just gotta recognize this as
a guy and, and when, and when you realize

361
00:22:34,004 –> 00:22:36,945
that that’s what’s happening, you say, Oh
hey, when are you free to get together?

362
00:22:36,945 –> 00:22:38,175
And you meet up with her.

363
00:22:38,715 –> 00:22:43,034
By the seventh or eighth date,
on average, women are usually in

364
00:22:43,034 –> 00:22:45,405
love and pushing for exclusivity.

365
00:22:46,080 –> 00:22:49,380
By the seventh or eighth date it, and
it’s like clockwork, just like I said,

366
00:22:49,380 –> 00:22:51,840
it’s, it’s a, a, a fascinating thing.

367
00:22:51,840 –> 00:22:55,890
You’ll find that, uh, in the modern
era, women will sleep with you by the,

368
00:22:55,890 –> 00:22:57,630
the second or third date on average.

369
00:22:57,780 –> 00:23:00,480
So it’s like you don’t have
to be constantly trying to

370
00:23:01,050 –> 00:23:02,190
seduce her all the time.

371
00:23:02,190 –> 00:23:05,340
You, you know, if she likes you, she’s
gonna be pushing for that sort of thing.

372
00:23:05,610 –> 00:23:07,110
It’s very fascinating.

373
00:23:07,170 –> 00:23:10,770
And so what you’ll find is it works
the same way in relationships.

374
00:23:11,040 –> 00:23:13,110
And you mentioned the
betaization process.

375
00:23:13,850 –> 00:23:18,720
The betaization process is, uh, I,
I have an, a free ebook for guys out

376
00:23:18,720 –> 00:23:23,340
there, uh, if they go to my website,
fixdeadbedrooms.com, they can get it.

377
00:23:23,580 –> 00:23:27,480
It’s, it, it’s the, the eBook’s
called She’s Made You Weak.

378
00:23:27,750 –> 00:23:31,440
And this is why attraction tends
to erode over time, most men

379
00:23:31,440 –> 00:23:32,700
don’t even know what’s happening.

380
00:23:33,270 –> 00:23:39,420
But it’s a part of a woman’s evolutionary
wiring to where they will test you.

381
00:23:39,794 –> 00:23:44,354
We call these shit tests, or
frame checks, or fitness tests.

382
00:23:44,354 –> 00:23:46,334
Like there’s lots of different
words for it, it’s the same thing.

383
00:23:46,334 –> 00:23:50,024
But women will subtly, they don’t even
know they’re doing it half the time,

384
00:23:50,024 –> 00:23:51,524
it’s a very subconscious thing.

385
00:23:51,524 –> 00:23:56,175
But they will test you to see if they
can push your buttons, if they can

386
00:23:56,175 –> 00:24:01,650
get you mad, if they can make you
change your plans, uh, if they can

387
00:24:01,740 –> 00:24:04,080
manipulate you in a, any certain way.

388
00:24:04,290 –> 00:24:09,570
And if you fail these tests, she
starts losing respect for you.

389
00:24:10,350 –> 00:24:12,480
And a woman can’t love a
man she doesn’t respect.

390
00:24:13,020 –> 00:24:18,300
And then, uh, the next part
of the process is, uh, try to

391
00:24:18,300 –> 00:24:19,470
get you to be more vulnerable.

392
00:24:19,470 –> 00:24:21,090
Like, I need you to open up to me.

393
00:24:21,090 –> 00:24:24,900
Like, tell me, tell me all your, your,
your, your deepest, darkest secrets.

394
00:24:24,900 –> 00:24:29,250
And then what a lot of women
will do is, uh, if, if there’s

395
00:24:29,940 –> 00:24:33,990
continuing to lose respect for
you, they use that against you.

396
00:24:34,290 –> 00:24:36,750
It’s really a dirty tactic, right?

397
00:24:37,440 –> 00:24:39,615
So, it’s bad.

398
00:24:39,615 –> 00:24:39,885
Yeah.

399
00:24:39,885 –> 00:24:44,415
And then one of the things that they do,
which isn’t a bad thing, is they try to,

400
00:24:44,475 –> 00:24:48,225
um, they try to put you to work, right?

401
00:24:48,225 –> 00:24:51,705
So they, this is where a woman will
get behind you and motivate you to

402
00:24:51,705 –> 00:24:56,325
get a better job, to go for that
next promotion, basically to put

403
00:24:56,325 –> 00:25:00,645
you to work so that you’re providing
for her and the children, right?

404
00:25:00,645 –> 00:25:04,980
And that’s not a bad thing ’cause
you’ll find that, oh, a good woman will

405
00:25:05,040 –> 00:25:07,350
push you to move to the next level.

406
00:25:07,350 –> 00:25:09,450
Men are inherently lazy, you know?

407
00:25:09,450 –> 00:25:12,149
And that comes from our
evolutionary wiring too.

408
00:25:12,149 –> 00:25:17,490
Because, uh, our ancestors were rewarded
for laziness, conserving calories, not

409
00:25:17,490 –> 00:25:19,740
spending all day chasing lions and stuff,

410
00:25:19,740 –> 00:25:20,040
right?

411
00:25:20,040 –> 00:25:23,435
Like it, the, the, the people that just,
you know, gathered what they needed

412
00:25:23,435 –> 00:25:26,135
and just like hunkered down, survived.

413
00:25:26,225 –> 00:25:30,095
And so we’re sort of wired to
be more lazy, but, and women are

414
00:25:30,095 –> 00:25:32,165
more wired to push us, right?

415
00:25:32,165 –> 00:25:33,455
And so that’s not a bad thing.

416
00:25:34,475 –> 00:25:38,195
But what will happen is guys will
go too hard on the provider side

417
00:25:38,195 –> 00:25:42,095
stuff and they will be workhorses.

418
00:25:42,095 –> 00:25:45,515
They will, that they will go all in on
their work, they’ll make sure that they’re

419
00:25:45,515 –> 00:25:48,695
bringing home the bacon, they’re taking
care of their children, being good dads.

420
00:25:50,430 –> 00:25:53,220
Women don’t necessarily find
that attractive, though.

421
00:25:53,220 –> 00:25:54,990
They don’t find that sexually attractive.

422
00:25:55,080 –> 00:26:00,090
And so what they’ll find is that, um,
they, they’re not, they’re no longer

423
00:26:00,149 –> 00:26:02,220
responding sexually to you anymore.

424
00:26:02,820 –> 00:26:06,330
And then now they’re, they’re not
getting their sexual needs met, but

425
00:26:06,330 –> 00:26:09,840
they’re sexual beings too, that, but
they don’t find you sexually attractive

426
00:26:09,840 –> 00:26:13,740
anymore ’cause now you’re this
beta, you know, provider workhorse.

427
00:26:15,015 –> 00:26:18,135
That’s where their evolutionary
selfishness starts taking in.

428
00:26:18,135 –> 00:26:21,105
They start nitpicking at things you do,
you’re not doing things good enough,

429
00:26:21,105 –> 00:26:24,405
they keep making you work and work and
work until they, but they’re, they’re

430
00:26:24,405 –> 00:26:28,365
trying now to find a guy that’s more
sexually attractive and that’s where their

431
00:26:28,365 –> 00:26:30,915
evolutionary, um, selfishness takes in.

432
00:26:30,915 –> 00:26:35,670
And they tend to, uh, give you the, I love
you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.

433
00:26:36,500 –> 00:26:39,540
And then they’re, they’re either cheating
on you or filing for divorce, right?

434
00:26:39,540 –> 00:26:42,900
It’s a, it’s an erosion over
time that’s subconscious, they

435
00:26:42,900 –> 00:26:44,040
don’t even know they’re doing it.

436
00:26:44,040 –> 00:26:47,280
And if you’re, as a man, don’t
realize it’s happening to you, you

437
00:26:47,280 –> 00:26:48,780
don’t know how to defend against it.

438
00:26:48,780 –> 00:26:52,050
I kind of jokingly call it defending
against the dark arts, you know?

439
00:26:52,620 –> 00:26:55,530
But it all starts with
the the, the testing process.

440
00:26:55,590 –> 00:26:59,160
So one of the things that I
teach men when I coach them is

441
00:26:59,160 –> 00:27:02,560
how to recognize a woman’s test.

442
00:27:02,620 –> 00:27:06,310
Like things that they’ll, they’ll
say, things that they’ll do, and,

443
00:27:06,310 –> 00:27:09,710
uh, like a good rule of thumb is to
assume everything she says or does is

444
00:27:09,710 –> 00:27:12,900
a test and act accordingly, you know?

445
00:27:13,110 –> 00:27:15,540
And there’s different ways that
you can handle women’s tests.

446
00:27:15,600 –> 00:27:20,670
Uh, like two of the biggest ones is,
uh, what we call agree and amplify.

447
00:27:20,700 –> 00:27:22,230
And the other one is acting different.

448
00:27:22,650 –> 00:27:27,030
And a lot of it, the testing, like I said
before, is about seeing if she can throw

449
00:27:27,030 –> 00:27:30,900
you off center, seeing if, if, uh, she
can get you up in your emotions, right?

450
00:27:30,930 –> 00:27:33,720
Like, see if she can push your buttons
enough that you’re, you yell at her.

451
00:27:34,814 –> 00:27:37,875
But another thing is, uh, seeing
if she can manipulate you,

452
00:27:37,905 –> 00:27:39,645
get you to change your plans.

453
00:27:39,705 –> 00:27:44,085
And so that’s where being able
to tell a woman, No, no, we’re

454
00:27:44,085 –> 00:27:45,824
doing things my way, right?

455
00:27:46,155 –> 00:27:49,544
She, she might get mad and throw
a fit and a lot of guys like will

456
00:27:49,544 –> 00:27:52,574
do anything to avoid any kind
of tension in the relationship.

457
00:27:52,605 –> 00:27:56,715
But you gotta understand that that
tension, that tension’s required

458
00:27:56,805 –> 00:27:58,125
for her to be attracted to you.

459
00:27:58,125 –> 00:28:01,155
So you don’t, you embrace it
and be able to tell her, No.

460
00:28:01,155 –> 00:28:05,115
Let her have her fit, don’t, don’t
climb on her emotional rollercoaster.

461
00:28:05,115 –> 00:28:08,425
And you’ll find thirty minutes later
she’s crawling into your lap, you know?

462
00:28:09,335 –> 00:28:14,054
So, um, but a lot of that is just
her testing your strength, right?

463
00:28:14,054 –> 00:28:15,075
Is he a good leader?

464
00:28:15,075 –> 00:28:20,145
Is he, is, is he going to set the tone
and, and, and lead this relationship

465
00:28:20,145 –> 00:28:22,695
and let me relax into my feminine?

466
00:28:22,754 –> 00:28:27,375
But most guys let their wives get in
the driver’s seat then they, you know,

467
00:28:27,375 –> 00:28:30,165
I, I saw a joke the other day where
a guy goes, I could never cheat on my

468
00:28:30,165 –> 00:28:34,034
wife because she would have to plan
it and then remind me about it, right?

469
00:28:34,845 –> 00:28:38,535
That’s, uh, that’s a woman being in charge
of the relationship, being the one that

470
00:28:38,535 –> 00:28:43,245
sets the tone and leads, and that puts
her in her masculine energy, which isn’t

471
00:28:43,245 –> 00:28:47,155
natural to her, which makes her resent you
for it, which causes attraction to erode.

472
00:28:47,175 –> 00:28:49,575
So it’s like you can’t do that,
you have to be the leader.

473
00:28:49,575 –> 00:28:52,925
You have to be the one that sets the
tone and leads that relationship.

474
00:28:54,525 –> 00:28:54,865
Yeah.

475
00:28:54,930 –> 00:28:56,340
I, I believe that a lot.

476
00:28:56,700 –> 00:29:01,410
Uh, I, I really think there’s a lot
of this unnatural behavior going

477
00:29:01,410 –> 00:29:08,040
on, and it’s frustrating because,
you know, the mainstream media is

478
00:29:08,040 –> 00:29:15,465
telling all these young people one
thing, and yet, it’s totally opposite

479
00:29:15,465 –> 00:29:18,375
of the reality of the situation.

480
00:29:18,675 –> 00:29:25,395
We are biological creatures and we
have these certain urges, desires,

481
00:29:25,695 –> 00:29:28,935
and, and that’s generalizing.

482
00:29:29,385 –> 00:29:30,615
You know, there’s these

483
00:29:32,925 –> 00:29:39,585
offshoots, but generally
everybody is like everybody else.

484
00:29:40,005 –> 00:29:44,835
And that’s kind of the
thing that makes us a tribe.

485
00:29:45,765 –> 00:29:53,985
So we, we really have to dig into that
and understand that simplicity is, just

486
00:29:53,985 –> 00:29:58,305
what you said, very simple to survive.

487
00:29:58,635 –> 00:30:07,815
And if you can get back to that
simplicity in living, that is really key.

488
00:30:08,115 –> 00:30:15,765
And I think our world now, it has us
motivated in the wrong directions.

489
00:30:16,125 –> 00:30:22,485
We are running for money,
and, uh, fame, and attention.

490
00:30:22,815 –> 00:30:24,495
Everybody wants attention.

491
00:30:26,025 –> 00:30:29,475
We’re looking for it in the
wrong places, is what I feel.

492
00:30:29,535 –> 00:30:32,070
What, what’s your take on that?

493
00:30:33,000 –> 00:30:35,580
Uh, well, what do you mean we’re, we’re
looking for attention in the wrong places?

494
00:30:35,580 –> 00:30:37,200
You’re, like on, uh, social media?

495
00:30:37,410 –> 00:30:40,680
The, like, you know, get,
getting the fake internet points?

496
00:30:41,070 –> 00:30:41,850
Yes.

497
00:30:42,030 –> 00:30:47,790
I, I, I think that is, yes, that, that
is very key, Paul, because, you know,

498
00:30:47,790 –> 00:30:53,580
we are finding ourselves moving more
in the direction of digital world.

499
00:30:53,969 –> 00:31:01,199
But our biological body needs to be
looking for interaction in the real world.

500
00:31:01,590 –> 00:31:06,600
Uh, we used to have picnics and we,
we’d have these social interactions

501
00:31:06,600 –> 00:31:13,469
in the park and people would meet
and gather, and that’s how we used to

502
00:31:14,129 –> 00:31:17,669
get all of our social interactions.

503
00:31:17,669 –> 00:31:22,560
Now it’s generally
online, so there is this.

504
00:31:23,550 –> 00:31:24,390
Diminished.

505
00:31:25,740 –> 00:31:26,730
Oh, there, it is.

506
00:31:26,730 –> 00:31:30,900
And it, it impacts us all in different
ways, you know, a lot of, um, a

507
00:31:30,900 –> 00:31:35,520
lot of the social media, it’s all
dopamine addiction too, you know?

508
00:31:36,750 –> 00:31:39,930
When you, when you post something online
and you’re like constantly checking

509
00:31:39,930 –> 00:31:41,250
back, like, how many views do I get?

510
00:31:41,250 –> 00:31:42,165
How many likes did I get?

511
00:31:42,480 –> 00:31:44,340
That’s, uh, that’s all dopamine addiction.

512
00:31:44,760 –> 00:31:48,150
And the way, uh, it, it, it
manifests itself in, in lots of

513
00:31:48,150 –> 00:31:50,190
different negative ways, you know?

514
00:31:50,250 –> 00:31:56,235
uh, for men, men who get addicted to
social media and posting so that they

515
00:31:56,235 –> 00:31:59,715
get the fake internet points and stuff
like that, what a lot of guys don’t

516
00:31:59,715 –> 00:32:04,754
realize is that, uh, especially if they’re
trying to be more attractive for their

517
00:32:04,965 –> 00:32:11,564
wives or girlfriends is, doing that a
lot is validation seeking behavior and,

518
00:32:12,195 –> 00:32:16,425
uh, it’s not masculine to be
constantly seeking validation.

519
00:32:16,815 –> 00:32:21,435
Like, it, it’s actually, that’s more of
a, a, a, a feminine trait to be looking

520
00:32:21,435 –> 00:32:23,325
for validation and attention all the time.

521
00:32:23,415 –> 00:32:28,485
And so if you’re that guy, women
start looking at that going, I don’t

522
00:32:28,485 –> 00:32:30,195
know why, but it, it’s unattractive.

523
00:32:30,195 –> 00:32:32,955
It’s because it, it goes
against the nature, right?

524
00:32:33,315 –> 00:32:37,725
Um, and then a, a, a problem with
women, uh, having, being, putting

525
00:32:37,725 –> 00:32:42,915
on social, putting themselves out
there on social media is that they

526
00:32:42,915 –> 00:32:45,585
do get a lot of attention, especially
if they’re attractive, right?

527
00:32:45,585 –> 00:32:49,064
They’ll get a lot of
attention from other men.

528
00:32:49,575 –> 00:32:54,825
And then, uh, their hypergamous
nature, um, which is, is fascinating,

529
00:32:54,825 –> 00:32:56,955
uh, there’s this concept
called hypergamy, right?

530
00:32:56,955 –> 00:33:00,865
And women, women’s sexual
strategy is hypergamy.

531
00:33:00,885 –> 00:33:03,750
And hypergamy is where a woman
is typically trying to look for

532
00:33:03,750 –> 00:33:06,389
her best possible option, right?

533
00:33:06,389 –> 00:33:11,475
And a part of that is she wants
a guy who’s sexually attractive,

534
00:33:11,475 –> 00:33:14,565
we call those, you know, those
types of traits, alpha traits.

535
00:33:14,565 –> 00:33:17,385
A lot of guys don’t like the concepts
of alpha/ beta, but you can, you

536
00:33:17,385 –> 00:33:21,585
can say sexually attractive and
not sexually attractive, right?

537
00:33:22,065 –> 00:33:25,965
So they’re looking for a guy that’s
sexually attractive, but who’s

538
00:33:25,965 –> 00:33:27,855
also kind and nurturing, right?

539
00:33:28,095 –> 00:33:32,175
And that the kind and nurturing’s the beta
traits, they want a guy with both traits.

540
00:33:32,595 –> 00:33:33,075
Um.

541
00:33:33,795 –> 00:33:37,335
And so that’s, that’s gonna be their
best possible option, a guy that

542
00:33:37,335 –> 00:33:39,495
has a, a solid mixture of both.

543
00:33:40,635 –> 00:33:44,175
And what they’ll, what women, if
they can’t get one thing in their

544
00:33:44,175 –> 00:33:46,965
relationship, like maybe they do
have the beta provider guy, right?

545
00:33:46,965 –> 00:33:49,755
That’s where they put them to work and
they made them the solid workhorse.

546
00:33:49,755 –> 00:33:51,285
Now he’s the beta provider guy.

547
00:33:51,315 –> 00:33:55,155
Now they’re looking for, that’s why
they cheat, they’ll cheat with the pool

548
00:33:55,155 –> 00:33:56,805
boy who’s more sexually attractive.

549
00:33:57,435 –> 00:34:00,960
Well, the thing is, about being on
social media is, now they have a whole

550
00:34:00,960 –> 00:34:05,940
world open to them of guys who are
just constantly giving them validation.

551
00:34:05,940 –> 00:34:07,740
Telling them that they’re beautiful,

552
00:34:07,740 –> 00:34:09,120
like, Oh, you’re so gorgeous.

553
00:34:09,120 –> 00:34:12,150
And there’s all these, you know, we
call them simps in the space, where

554
00:34:12,150 –> 00:34:14,760
they’re, they’re just constantly
putting these women on pedestals,

555
00:34:14,760 –> 00:34:16,590
so they get this inflated ego.

556
00:34:17,415 –> 00:34:23,235
And now they, they get this over sense,
uh, this overinflated sense of self, where

557
00:34:23,235 –> 00:34:27,105
now they’re looking at the guy they’re
with, who, if you didn’t have social

558
00:34:27,105 –> 00:34:31,545
media, he probably would be her best
possible option in her immediate vicinity.

559
00:34:31,844 –> 00:34:35,895
But now she’s got this worldwide thing
where she’s being told constantly how

560
00:34:35,925 –> 00:34:39,284
great she is, and how beautiful she is,
and how she’s like a ten, and she’s gonna

561
00:34:39,284 –> 00:34:44,669
start looking at her average husband
and go, Oh, I could do better than this.

562
00:34:44,759 –> 00:34:48,449
And then her hypergamous nature is
gonna start seeking that out elsewhere.

563
00:34:48,870 –> 00:34:54,239
And then that’s where, like we have
this really, you know, bad, uh, you

564
00:34:54,239 –> 00:34:57,330
know, we have bad divorce rates now,
people can’t seem to stay together,

565
00:34:57,330 –> 00:34:58,859
relationships are in shambles.

566
00:34:59,250 –> 00:35:01,450
A lot of it is fueled by social media.

567
00:35:02,980 –> 00:35:05,565
Yes, I believe that a hundred percent.

568
00:35:05,595 –> 00:35:10,785
It, it’s, it’s really a good thing
what we’re doing here today, Paul,

569
00:35:10,785 –> 00:35:17,265
is, you know, educating the younger
people that, hey, it, it’s not real

570
00:35:17,265 –> 00:35:19,695
what we’re dealing with in this world.

571
00:35:19,695 –> 00:35:24,195
So, you know, this is just a
natural feeling that you’re

572
00:35:24,195 –> 00:35:25,785
having, it’s okay to be you.

573
00:35:26,730 –> 00:35:33,300
And, and that, I, I really feel will
help build young people to a better

574
00:35:33,300 –> 00:35:36,270
standing or understanding, anyway.

575
00:35:37,215 –> 00:35:38,790
I, I, I, I agree.

576
00:35:38,790 –> 00:35:45,359
And, and going back to the social media
thing, uh, when I realized that, uh,

577
00:35:45,540 –> 00:35:49,200
posting on social media and trying
to get likes and stuff like that, uh,

578
00:35:49,200 –> 00:35:53,700
was attention seeking behavior, I,
I really did an, a self-evaluation

579
00:35:53,700 –> 00:35:56,100
of my personal social media.

580
00:35:56,190 –> 00:35:58,259
And I, I realized that I was that guy.

581
00:35:58,380 –> 00:36:02,400
I was, I was posting like every
dinner I had, everywhere I went, I,

582
00:36:02,400 –> 00:36:07,860
it was always selfies and whatever,
and I immediately cut that out.

583
00:36:07,860 –> 00:36:11,700
If you are someone that’s like my,
my, one of my close friends and

584
00:36:11,700 –> 00:36:14,640
you follow me on social media, you
probably never see me post anymore.

585
00:36:14,670 –> 00:36:15,630
Like never.

586
00:36:15,720 –> 00:36:19,020
Like my personal, my personal
social media is completely dead.

587
00:36:19,320 –> 00:36:23,490
My professional social media is very
active ’cause it’s marketing really,

588
00:36:23,490 –> 00:36:26,340
you know, it’s trying to get people
to the podcast, or to the books, or

589
00:36:27,105 –> 00:36:28,965
to the coaching, so I have to post.

590
00:36:28,965 –> 00:36:31,275
It’s not really attention
seeking behavior, it’s business.

591
00:36:31,305 –> 00:36:36,795
But, but, but I’ll, I’ll see it ’cause
I’m on TikTok a lot and I see, I see

592
00:36:36,795 –> 00:36:41,625
guys, you know, making these videos for no
reason other than to get internet points.

593
00:36:41,685 –> 00:36:46,229
And I’m just like, Man, if you just, if
you just cut that out, you would, your

594
00:36:46,229 –> 00:36:47,790
wife would like you better, you know?

595
00:36:48,120 –> 00:36:55,470
And then women, if they, you stop putting,
you know, sexy picks online and started,

596
00:36:55,560 –> 00:37:00,629
you know, really saving that for your
relationship and really maybe only post,

597
00:37:01,050 –> 00:37:05,190
yeah, maybe only post things that
are like family updates that are

598
00:37:05,190 –> 00:37:08,850
important, you know, so that, you
know, grandma knows what’s going

599
00:37:08,850 –> 00:37:10,410
on, that, that kind of stuff’s okay.

600
00:37:10,410 –> 00:37:14,460
But if you’re putting like thirst
traps up, which a lot of women do,

601
00:37:14,460 –> 00:37:18,330
they’ll put like sexy pictures of
themselves up there just so they

602
00:37:18,330 –> 00:37:19,535
can get other guys’ attention.

603
00:37:19,535 –> 00:37:23,540
That, that’s gonna hurt your marriage,
that’s gonna hurt your relationship.

604
00:37:24,009 –> 00:37:30,390
So it, it, it, it would behoove
both genders to not do that so much.

605
00:37:30,450 –> 00:37:34,529
Pull back from social media and, and
be more present in your relationship.

606
00:37:35,100 –> 00:37:36,420
Yeah, yeah.

607
00:37:36,480 –> 00:37:44,910
And, and that, that should carry on into
your personal life behavior, all of that.

608
00:37:44,910 –> 00:37:48,630
Moderation in everything
that we do is key.

609
00:37:49,320 –> 00:37:57,180
So it happens with alcohol and, you know,
all, all behavior depends on moderation.

610
00:37:58,470 –> 00:38:03,690
I wanna touch on setting, uh, boundaries.

611
00:38:04,419 –> 00:38:10,290
You know, I really feel that a good
relationship has healthy boundaries

612
00:38:10,650 –> 00:38:17,730
and both partners should understand
the boundaries within the relationship.

613
00:38:18,450 –> 00:38:23,590
What is your understanding
of boundaries, Paul?

614
00:38:25,110 –> 00:38:26,940
Boundaries are, boundaries are paramount.

615
00:38:26,940 –> 00:38:30,780
But, but a lot of people don’t really
have a good understanding of boundaries.

616
00:38:30,780 –> 00:38:32,430
Boundaries aren’t for them.

617
00:38:32,490 –> 00:38:33,421
Like, boundaries are for you.

618
00:38:33,845 –> 00:38:39,285
It’s, it’s rules and values you set
for yourself of what you’re willing

619
00:38:39,285 –> 00:38:40,785
to tolerate and what you’re not.

620
00:38:41,085 –> 00:38:47,145
And, uh, a lot of people don’t know
how to set boundaries very well.

621
00:38:47,235 –> 00:38:49,005
Uh, there’s effective ways of doing it.

622
00:38:49,665 –> 00:38:51,915
And, um, like a good example, right?

623
00:38:52,365 –> 00:38:56,610
Because one of the things that, that
I, we talk about in the Red Pill

624
00:38:56,610 –> 00:39:01,200
space is, is for men, uh, women are
typically drawn to a guy who has a

625
00:39:01,200 –> 00:39:03,810
dominant masculine presence, right?

626
00:39:03,900 –> 00:39:07,890
Uh, being dominant doesn’t necessarily
mean domineering, you know, like

627
00:39:07,890 –> 00:39:09,690
being controlling and stuff like that.

628
00:39:09,690 –> 00:39:12,810
That’s not a, that’s not
a good attractive feature.

629
00:39:12,810 –> 00:39:15,870
But a lot of guys, when they’re
setting boundaries, they

630
00:39:15,870 –> 00:39:18,210
will be controlling, right?

631
00:39:18,210 –> 00:39:24,690
So, for example, uh, a, a, a, a guy
might not want his wife going out

632
00:39:24,690 –> 00:39:29,430
with her single ho friends, you know,
which is a good boundary to have.

633
00:39:29,529 –> 00:39:32,790
Because a, a woman that is going
out with her single friends,

634
00:39:33,060 –> 00:39:36,270
if she has five single friends,
she’s gonna go out and act single.

635
00:39:36,450 –> 00:39:39,150
And that’s typically how cheating starts.

636
00:39:39,750 –> 00:39:43,740
If she goes out and hangs out with, uh,
if she’s in a committed relationship or,

637
00:39:43,920 –> 00:39:48,000
you know, if she’s married, she goes out
and, and hangs out with married women that

638
00:39:48,000 –> 00:39:49,720
are typically happy in their marriage,

639
00:39:50,529 –> 00:39:54,210
that’s gonna be, you know, a
good, you know, feedback loop,

640
00:39:54,270 –> 00:39:55,710
positive feedback loop for her.

641
00:39:55,830 –> 00:39:57,140
Like, you should encourage that.

642
00:39:58,090 –> 00:40:01,620
But if she’s like, if she, if you don’t
want her going out with her single, single

643
00:40:01,620 –> 00:40:06,810
ho friends, uh, a, a, a domineering guy
will say, You are forbidden from going

644
00:40:06,810 –> 00:40:09,060
out with your single ho friends, right?

645
00:40:09,300 –> 00:40:14,100
But a, a, a good way to set that boundary,
where it’s not controlling and you’re

646
00:40:14,100 –> 00:40:19,049
just being clear with, Hey, this is a
boundary of mine, is by saying, I can’t

647
00:40:19,049 –> 00:40:22,080
be in a relationship with a woman that
goes out with her single ho friends.

648
00:40:22,940 –> 00:40:24,420
Because that’s you.

649
00:40:24,509 –> 00:40:25,980
Like, I, I can’t do that.

650
00:40:25,980 –> 00:40:29,490
You’re, you’re free to do it, but
we can’t be together, you know?

651
00:40:29,910 –> 00:40:31,920
And so that’s a decision you have to make.

652
00:40:32,640 –> 00:40:37,350
And, uh, and that’s a, a good way of
setting that by being clear like, Hey,

653
00:40:38,339 –> 00:40:41,055
I, I don’t tolerate this, you know?

654
00:40:41,295 –> 00:40:43,305
And so, uh, that’s one way of doing it.

655
00:40:43,395 –> 00:40:47,975
Uh, there’s a really phenomenal book
I highly recommend everyone read.

656
00:40:47,975 –> 00:40:52,005
It’s not one of mine, but it’s one that
I, I have my coaching clients read.

657
00:40:52,725 –> 00:40:54,795
It’s called, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.

658
00:40:55,185 –> 00:40:58,305
I think it came out, I wanna say
it came out in the seventies.

659
00:40:58,995 –> 00:41:02,085
Uh, it’s a, a phenomenal book.

660
00:41:02,085 –> 00:41:05,535
It, it starts off with your
assertive bill of rights, it

661
00:41:05,535 –> 00:41:12,194
teaches you how to communicate,
uh, assertively, um, effectively.

662
00:41:12,345 –> 00:41:15,555
And so a lot of people think being
assertive means being aggressive.

663
00:41:15,555 –> 00:41:19,185
Like you have to yell at your wife and
tell her, No, you can’t do this, right?

664
00:41:19,634 –> 00:41:22,365
No, you don’t have to do that at all.

665
00:41:22,365 –> 00:41:24,585
You can be very calm
and still be assertive.

666
00:41:25,004 –> 00:41:27,645
And he teaches lots of
techniques in that book.

667
00:41:27,765 –> 00:41:32,444
Uh, and one of them, when it comes to
setting boundaries, that’s probably

668
00:41:32,444 –> 00:41:35,444
the, your number one tool in the
toolbox is what we call broken record.

669
00:41:36,045 –> 00:41:42,345
Where you set the boundary, which is, I
don’t, I don’t date, I don’t date women

670
00:41:42,345 –> 00:41:44,225
that go out with their single ho friends.

671
00:41:44,695 –> 00:41:47,925
And, uh, and she starts arguing
about it, Oh, you’re being insecure

672
00:41:47,925 –> 00:41:49,275
and dah, dah, dah, dah, or whatever.

673
00:41:49,665 –> 00:41:55,185
And you say, Maybe, maybe I am being
insecure, but I don’t date women that

674
00:41:55,185 –> 00:41:56,354
go out with their single ho friends.

675
00:41:56,654 –> 00:42:00,615
So the broken record is you just keep
repeating the phrase over and over

676
00:42:00,615 –> 00:42:02,955
again until they get it, you know?

677
00:42:03,044 –> 00:42:07,125
And people typically, uh, you know,
sometimes, like the first couple of

678
00:42:07,125 –> 00:42:09,654
times you do it, if you, especially
if you’re one of those people that

679
00:42:09,654 –> 00:42:14,189
are, you know, used to manipulative
language being used on you and you do

680
00:42:14,189 –> 00:42:18,479
feel guilty for telling people no and
stuff like that, uh, it’s gonna feel

681
00:42:18,479 –> 00:42:22,529
uncomfortable the first few times you do
it, but then it becomes second nature.

682
00:42:22,529 –> 00:42:27,029
And a lot of the stuff that I teach
guys is, I want it to become a habit.

683
00:42:27,779 –> 00:42:31,319
I want it to become a part of your
new paradigm of having a dominant

684
00:42:31,319 –> 00:42:34,350
masculine presence ’cause you’ll do it
without even thinking about it then.

685
00:42:34,890 –> 00:42:38,115
Um, but, but it’s gonna
feel uncomfortable at first.

686
00:42:38,115 –> 00:42:40,305
And it just, like anything
else in life, if you wanna get

687
00:42:40,305 –> 00:42:41,745
good at it, it takes practice.

688
00:42:42,225 –> 00:42:43,455
But, uh, but yeah.

689
00:42:43,455 –> 00:42:45,195
That’s a, it’s a phenomenal book.

690
00:42:45,195 –> 00:42:49,575
It talks, it tells you how to, like,
if your wife gets angry and starts

691
00:42:49,575 –> 00:42:53,854
yelling at you, how to stay calm
and centered in those circumstances.

692
00:42:53,870 –> 00:42:57,920
Because like we talked about before,
with the shit tests, if she can get you

693
00:42:57,920 –> 00:43:02,330
mad and angry and push your buttons,
and you get mad, you fail her tests

694
00:43:02,390 –> 00:43:03,720
and then she loses respect for you.

695
00:43:03,720 –> 00:43:08,690
But if, if, if you are able to stay
calm, like the most calm person wins.

696
00:43:09,350 –> 00:43:13,940
If you can stay calm and be able to
interact with her, despite her being mad

697
00:43:13,940 –> 00:43:18,500
and yelling and whatever, you’re gonna win
and she’s gonna have more respect for you.

698
00:43:18,500 –> 00:43:21,290
And the more respect she has for you,
the more in love with you she’s gonna

699
00:43:21,290 –> 00:43:25,935
be, the more she’s gonna see you as her
best hypergamous option, the longer your

700
00:43:25,935 –> 00:43:27,435
relationship’s gonna last, you know?

701
00:43:27,645 –> 00:43:31,365
So it’s, it, it ends up compounding,
all this stuff compounds.

702
00:43:31,365 –> 00:43:36,075
And the, the ability to be able to tell
your wife no and set boundaries is huge.

703
00:43:36,285 –> 00:43:38,205
She, she likes that structure.

704
00:43:38,205 –> 00:43:41,895
I, I was talking with another guy
and he, he, he said it very well.

705
00:43:42,404 –> 00:43:46,575
He said, Imagine walking through
a cave and it’s dark in there

706
00:43:46,575 –> 00:43:47,985
and you can’t see very well.

707
00:43:48,435 –> 00:43:53,714
Uh, as long as you can feel the sides of
the cave, you feel a little more secure.

708
00:43:53,714 –> 00:43:55,214
Like, okay, I might be
able to get through this.

709
00:43:55,214 –> 00:43:57,975
I can, I can kind of
feel my way out of this.

710
00:43:58,365 –> 00:44:02,535
But if you go and push on the cave
wall and the cave wall’s collapsing,

711
00:44:02,535 –> 00:44:03,674
you’re not gonna feel safe.

712
00:44:03,674 –> 00:44:05,984
You’re gonna be like, Oh my God,
I’m in a dark cave, I can’t see

713
00:44:05,984 –> 00:44:07,515
anything, the walls are caving in.

714
00:44:08,415 –> 00:44:10,904
Boundaries are the same thing
for your wife or your girlfriend.

715
00:44:11,504 –> 00:44:16,725
She’s like in a cave, ’cause women, you
know, they, uh, the, with their emotions,

716
00:44:16,725 –> 00:44:19,754
there’s, there’s, it’s, it’s like,
it’s like they’re, they’re the wind.

717
00:44:19,754 –> 00:44:23,295
And so they, like, one of the
reasons why they like, uh, male

718
00:44:23,325 –> 00:44:26,924
masculine leadership is because it
provides structure to their chaos.

719
00:44:27,495 –> 00:44:32,265
And so if you could be, if you can
apply boundaries, you are providing,

720
00:44:32,759 –> 00:44:36,900
um, the walls in the cave for her to feel
more safe and secure in the relationship.

721
00:44:36,900 –> 00:44:41,040
Being able to tell her no
provides structure and that makes

722
00:44:41,040 –> 00:44:42,390
her feel more safe and secure.

723
00:44:42,645 –> 00:44:44,100
And, and it’s, it’s fascinating.

724
00:44:44,130 –> 00:44:46,980
Uh, one of my mentors in the space,
a guy named Dr. Robert Glover, he’s

725
00:44:46,980 –> 00:44:48,630
written some really phenomenal books.

726
00:44:49,080 –> 00:44:53,160
Um, one of the things that he said
that he had to learn, like, ’cause he’s

727
00:44:53,160 –> 00:44:56,310
been, I think he’s, I think he’s on
his third, third marriage, he finally

728
00:44:56,310 –> 00:44:57,870
figured it out after his third marriage.

729
00:44:58,230 –> 00:45:02,700
But his, after his second marriage,
his wife told him, Look, if you

730
00:45:02,700 –> 00:45:06,510
can’t stand up to me, how can
I trust you to stand up for me?

731
00:45:06,540 –> 00:45:09,900
Like, that’s, that’s how
a lot of women think.

732
00:45:09,960 –> 00:45:13,890
And so if you can’t tell her no, if
you can’t stand up to her nagging

733
00:45:13,890 –> 00:45:17,760
and whatever, and be able to sort
of, you know, lovingly put her in

734
00:45:17,760 –> 00:45:21,660
her place, um, she won’t respect you.

735
00:45:21,660 –> 00:45:24,270
And then she can’t love you and
she can’t, she doesn’t trust your

736
00:45:24,270 –> 00:45:26,940
leadership and she doesn’t feel
safe and secure in the relationship.

737
00:45:27,060 –> 00:45:31,350
And at the end of the day, women
are security seeking creatures

738
00:45:31,350 –> 00:45:32,700
that respond to strength.

739
00:45:33,030 –> 00:45:38,580
And if, if, if you can recognize that and,
and provide that structure, like she can

740
00:45:38,580 –> 00:45:42,150
relax into her feminine and, and things
will be swimming in your relationship.

741
00:45:43,740 –> 00:45:47,550
That was solid advice right there
and, and you laid it out well.

742
00:45:47,790 –> 00:45:54,090
Uh, I like the collapsing cave walls in
the dark that, that paints a good picture.

743
00:45:54,960 –> 00:46:00,750
And, and it’s very, very challenging
when you’re in the heat of the moment

744
00:46:00,900 –> 00:46:05,819
and that feminine chaos hits you.

745
00:46:06,900 –> 00:46:13,950
Uh, it took me years and years to figure
out how to stay calm in that storm.

746
00:46:14,580 –> 00:46:20,439
And, and really it does help, not
only your wife’s attitude, but

747
00:46:20,505 –> 00:46:25,515
it helps yourself and it gives
yourself understanding of the

748
00:46:25,515 –> 00:46:31,755
chaos that the world that surrounds
you throws at you every day.

749
00:46:32,175 –> 00:46:38,025
And really that’s back to that
natural feeling of security, that

750
00:46:38,025 –> 00:46:40,095
sense of security is very important.

751
00:46:40,425 –> 00:46:41,900
It’s not everything but.

752
00:46:43,500 –> 00:46:45,870
I was gonna say, well, that’s,
that’s one of the big reasons

753
00:46:45,870 –> 00:46:47,790
why women test you though.

754
00:46:48,120 –> 00:46:51,180
They, you know, they’re testing to
see if they can, you know, push your

755
00:46:51,180 –> 00:46:55,140
buttons and throw you off center and
manipulate you because she needs, she

756
00:46:55,140 –> 00:46:59,759
needs to know that life’s challenges,
that you’re gonna be able to handle

757
00:46:59,759 –> 00:47:02,400
them and lead the family through that.

758
00:47:03,120 –> 00:47:08,645
And if, if you can’t, if you can’t handle
her women’s nonsense, like how are you

759
00:47:08,645 –> 00:47:10,535
gonna handle life’s bigger challenges?

760
00:47:10,595 –> 00:47:12,785
Like, that’s really where it comes from.

761
00:47:12,785 –> 00:47:14,585
And it, like, women don’t
even know they’re doing it.

762
00:47:14,884 –> 00:47:19,355
And so the, the, the sooner men
realize what’s happening and how

763
00:47:19,355 –> 00:47:22,655
to handle it, uh, like, the better
their relationships are gonna be.

764
00:47:23,685 –> 00:47:25,455
You know, Paul, that’s very key.

765
00:47:25,905 –> 00:47:31,095
Uh, sometimes when women are in
that chaotic state, they don’t

766
00:47:31,095 –> 00:47:32,505
even realize they’re there.

767
00:47:32,505 –> 00:47:37,995
They’re just reacting the way that their
subconscious mind tells them to react.

768
00:47:38,505 –> 00:47:44,774
So we’re back into that, you, you
gotta understand the feminine mind.

769
00:47:44,924 –> 00:47:50,535
And you have to understand the
male mind model to really live in a

770
00:47:50,535 –> 00:47:54,254
harmonious situation, a relationship.

771
00:47:54,365 –> 00:47:57,825
It’s, it’s quite interesting
how it all works.

772
00:47:58,875 –> 00:48:00,794
Our time is running short.

773
00:48:01,365 –> 00:48:05,865
Uh, do you have anything you wanna
add to our conversation, Paul?

774
00:48:06,345 –> 00:48:10,875
Um, I’ll just say, final thoughts
on this is, uh, the, the number one

775
00:48:10,875 –> 00:48:14,625
thing I think guys, if they wanna
start turning their relationship

776
00:48:14,625 –> 00:48:20,025
around and start fixing things, is
learning how to handle women’s tests.

777
00:48:20,085 –> 00:48:24,915
Uh, in my coaching program, uh, we
start working on that on week two.

778
00:48:24,975 –> 00:48:31,035
Like week one, we look at, what we do is
we do what I call a relationship autopsy.

779
00:48:31,230 –> 00:48:36,180
We look at what your relationship
used to be like, where it is

780
00:48:36,180 –> 00:48:40,080
now, and, and where you think it
started going downhill, you know?

781
00:48:40,290 –> 00:48:41,640
And we start evaluating that.

782
00:48:42,480 –> 00:48:47,640
But week two, we, we talk about handling
women’s tests because as soon as a

783
00:48:47,640 –> 00:48:53,340
guy learns how to handle her tests, he
immediately puts himself back at the

784
00:48:53,340 –> 00:48:55,500
beginning of the betaization process.

785
00:48:55,860 –> 00:48:57,900
Back where she’s starting to test again.

786
00:48:57,900 –> 00:49:01,710
And as soon as you start passing
those tests, that’s when her hamster

787
00:49:01,710 –> 00:49:03,840
wheel starts, starts running again.

788
00:49:03,840 –> 00:49:07,920
Going, Wait a second, I don’t know
what he’s doing, but I like it.

789
00:49:08,640 –> 00:49:13,080
You know, I had, uh, what I, I,
I had a client who, he, he and

790
00:49:13,080 –> 00:49:17,970
his wife, they hadn’t had sex in
like six months, and they were

791
00:49:17,970 –> 00:49:19,950
constantly fighting, all this stuff.

792
00:49:19,980 –> 00:49:23,130
And on week two I showed
him, I told him what to do.

793
00:49:23,850 –> 00:49:27,330
And he, and I told him to have fun with
it ’cause, you know, the agree and amplify

794
00:49:27,330 –> 00:49:32,160
part is where you sort of take whatever
she says and you jokingly agree with

795
00:49:32,160 –> 00:49:35,879
her, and then bring it up to an absurd
level and just make a big joke out of it,

796
00:49:35,879 –> 00:49:36,149
right?

797
00:49:36,149 –> 00:49:39,240
And, and basically you, you’re
not taking her seriously.

798
00:49:39,629 –> 00:49:45,000
Well, he did that to his wife and
after that session, he, he, he, she

799
00:49:45,000 –> 00:49:49,259
was testing him in some way, he did the
agree and amplify and had fun with it.

800
00:49:50,024 –> 00:49:53,294
And he go, he, he reported back, he goes,
I’m not in a dead bedroom anymore, bro.

801
00:49:53,895 –> 00:49:55,875
I was like, boom, week two.

802
00:49:55,935 –> 00:49:58,814
Like, that’s all, for a lot of
guys, that’s all it takes is

803
00:49:58,814 –> 00:50:00,854
just handling her, her test.

804
00:50:00,854 –> 00:50:03,225
So I would highly recommend
you learn how to do that.

805
00:50:03,645 –> 00:50:07,334
Um, one way guys can do that, if
they get my, uh, latest book, it’s

806
00:50:07,334 –> 00:50:09,705
called, Get Her to Fuck You Again.

807
00:50:09,705 –> 00:50:14,525
It’s a red pill guide, um, to fix a
dead bedroom that came out in January.

808
00:50:14,525 –> 00:50:15,785
It’s also available on Audible.

809
00:50:15,785 –> 00:50:19,445
So if you prefer to listen to it on, on
audio, it’s available on Audible too.

810
00:50:19,955 –> 00:50:24,335
Um, and then if guys read that book and
they’re still having challenges, I highly

811
00:50:24,335 –> 00:50:26,135
recommend that they book a call with me.

812
00:50:26,735 –> 00:50:27,545
It’s free.

813
00:50:27,695 –> 00:50:32,650
Um, if you go to call.fixdeadbedrooms.com,
they could book a call with me and if,

814
00:50:32,655 –> 00:50:36,305
if I can help you with your situation,
I’ll show you what that looks like.

815
00:50:36,305 –> 00:50:39,155
And if I can’t, I’ll at least
point you in the right direction.

816
00:50:40,545 –> 00:50:41,295
Great, great.

817
00:50:41,535 –> 00:50:45,134
So, uh, do you have a
call to action for people?

818
00:50:45,975 –> 00:50:48,555
The call to action would
be to get the book.

819
00:50:49,755 –> 00:50:53,985
Because I, I was talking with this guy
today on, uh, a lot of guys like DM me

820
00:50:53,985 –> 00:50:58,755
and stuff, and, um, this guy DM me about
a video like a couple of weeks ago.

821
00:50:59,295 –> 00:51:02,985
And, you know, a lot of the guys that
I work with one-on-one, uh, they’re,

822
00:51:03,195 –> 00:51:06,015
they’ve been in, they’ve been married
for over five years, you know?

823
00:51:06,015 –> 00:51:08,445
They’ve had, they’ve had some
serious problems and stuff like that.

824
00:51:08,775 –> 00:51:12,435
Uh, this guy hadn’t been married,
or I think he’s still dating,

825
00:51:12,435 –> 00:51:13,635
he’s not even married, you know?

826
00:51:13,725 –> 00:51:18,464
And so, um, working with me, uh, it,
it’s, it’s not gonna be in your best

827
00:51:18,464 –> 00:51:22,185
interest if you’re, if you haven’t been,
uh, you know, married that long, right?

828
00:51:22,455 –> 00:51:24,165
So I said, Well, get the book.

829
00:51:24,285 –> 00:51:28,424
Definitely get the book and, and, and read
it and start applying some of that stuff,

830
00:51:28,424 –> 00:51:30,795
and, and you’ll, you’ll find some success.

831
00:51:31,305 –> 00:51:35,899
And then like a week later he respo, he
replied to another one of my videos going,

832
00:51:35,899 –> 00:51:37,250
Hey, can I get more information on this?

833
00:51:37,250 –> 00:51:38,899
I’m like, Well, have
you read the book yet?

834
00:51:39,680 –> 00:51:42,020
And he’s like, Oh, no,
I haven’t done that yet.

835
00:51:42,169 –> 00:51:45,529
It’s, it’s like people are out there
looking for some kind of magic pill.

836
00:51:45,560 –> 00:51:50,089
The magic pill is to get out there and
actually take some action and do the work.

837
00:51:50,330 –> 00:51:54,770
So by you, my, my best
recommendation for guys is to grab

838
00:51:54,770 –> 00:51:56,180
the book and start reading it.

839
00:51:56,210 –> 00:51:58,069
Like at least take some action there.

840
00:51:58,460 –> 00:52:01,294
And then as you’re reading
the book, apply it.

841
00:52:01,294 –> 00:52:03,754
Start applying it, don’t just read
the book and put it on the shelf

842
00:52:03,754 –> 00:52:05,235
and think that you’ve fixed things.

843
00:52:05,254 –> 00:52:07,685
You haven’t, you have
to actually take action.

844
00:52:08,134 –> 00:52:13,835
Um, nothing’s gonna work unless you start
moving the, the needle a little bit.

845
00:52:13,865 –> 00:52:16,704
And the, the quickest way to do
that would be to go get my book.

846
00:52:18,765 –> 00:52:21,015
Action makes perfection.

847
00:52:21,225 –> 00:52:23,625
You just gotta keep going, you know?

848
00:52:23,805 –> 00:52:27,674
Try, try again until you
get the right formula.

849
00:52:28,274 –> 00:52:31,545
Paul, it’s a blessing to
have you on the show today.

850
00:52:31,785 –> 00:52:37,935
I wanna say thank you for sharing here
on the Dead America Podcast and would

851
00:52:37,935 –> 00:52:44,265
you tell people one more time how to get
ahold of you and get connected with you?

852
00:52:45,765 –> 00:52:46,125
Yeah.

853
00:52:46,125 –> 00:52:50,035
So I, I have a blog, it’s
called fixdeadbedrooms.com.

854
00:52:50,084 –> 00:52:52,274
Um, and I, I post there almost daily.

855
00:52:52,274 –> 00:52:55,125
I, I don’t, I don’t really post
on Sundays, but I post there daily

856
00:52:55,424 –> 00:53:00,495
just various tips and tricks on
how to fix your mindset, how to,

857
00:53:00,555 –> 00:53:02,834
how to rebuild that attraction.

858
00:53:02,834 –> 00:53:05,024
So that’s a good free resource for people.

859
00:53:05,294 –> 00:53:08,475
And then if they go to that website,
they can find my social medias,

860
00:53:08,475 –> 00:53:12,430
they can find my, they can find my
podcast, they can find my books,

861
00:53:12,700 –> 00:53:13,990
they can book a call with me.

862
00:53:13,990 –> 00:53:17,560
So go to fixdeadbedrooms.com and
you can find all my stuff there.

863
00:53:19,035 –> 00:53:20,654
Paul, I like what you’re doing.

864
00:53:20,745 –> 00:53:21,944
Keep doing it, sir.

865
00:53:22,725 –> 00:53:23,504
Alright, thanks Ed.

866
00:53:23,504 –> 00:53:24,165
I appreciate it.

867
00:53:27,674 –> 00:53:29,355
Thank you for joining us today.

868
00:53:29,984 –> 00:53:36,194
If you found this podcast enlightening,
entertaining, educational in any way,

869
00:53:36,975 –> 00:53:43,400
please share, like, subscribe, and join
us right back here next week for another

870
00:53:43,400 –> 00:53:46,790
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.

871
00:53:47,090 –> 00:53:52,610
I’m Ed Watters, your host, enjoy
your afternoon wherever you might be.