Dead America Podcast

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The Evolution of Modern Men

In%20this%20episode%20of%20the%20Dead%20America%20Podcast%2C%20host%20Ed%20Watters%20engages%20in%20a%20profound%20conversation%20with%20Jason%20Lange%2C%20a%20men’s%20embodiment%20coach%2C%20focusing%20on%20the%20challenges%20and%20evolution%20of%20modern%20masculinity.%20Jason%20discusses%20the%20three%20historical%20archetypes%20of%20men%2C%20the%20cultural%20shifts%20impacting%20male%20identity%2C%20and%20the%20critical%20need%20for%20men%20to%20form%20supportive%20communities.%20Highlighting%20the%20importance%20of%20embodiment%2C%20emotional%20awareness%2C%20and%20focused%20attention%2C%20Jason%20provides%20actionable%20insights%20for%20navigating%20masculine%20identity%20today.%20Both%20Ed%20and%20Jason%20emphasize%20the%20transformative%20power%20of%20men’s%20groups%20and%20the%20need%20for%20healthy%20role%20models%20to%20guide%20young%20men%20towards%20a%20more%20integrated%20and%20present%20masculinity.%0A%0A00%3A00%20Introduction%3A%20The%20Power%20of%20Education%0A00%3A55%20Guest%20Introduction%3A%20Meet%20Jason%20Lange%0A01%3A56%20The%20Evolution%20of%20Modern%20Men%0A03%3A29%20Three%20Archetypes%20of%20Masculinity%0A06%3A53%20The%20Importance%20of%20Embodiment%0A11%3A07%20Challenges%20Men%20Face%20Today%0A24%3A18%20The%20Role%20of%20Men’s%20Groups%0A29%3A07%20Reaching%20Out%20for%20Help%0A34%3A06%20Mentorship%20and%20Role%20Models%0A41%3A17%20Conclusion%3A%20Embracing%20Responsibility%0A44%3A23%20Closing%20Remarks%20and%20Contact%20Information%0A%0A%0Ahttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2F%40evolutionarymen%0Ahttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Fevolutionar…%0Ahttps%3A%2F%2Fevolutionary.men

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Ed Watters: To overcome, you must educate.

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Educate not only yourself, but
educate anyone seeking to learn.

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We are all Dead America,
we can all learn something.

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To learn, we must challenge
what we already understand.

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The way we do that is
through conversation.

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Sometimes we have conversations with
others, however, some of the best

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conversations happen with ourselves.

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Reach out and challenge yourself; let’s
dive in and learn something new right now.

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Today, we are speaking with Jason Lange.

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He is a men’s embodiment coach and
he’s all about evolutionary men.

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Jason, could you please
introduce yourself?

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Let people know just a little
more about you, please.

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Jason Lange: Yeah.

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First off, thanks for having me here, Ed.

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Excited to be here.

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And so, yeah, I’m a, uh, men’s
work guide, coach, and facilitator.

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I’ve been working with men
for about fifteen years now.

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Started my journey, um, my journey
started with me getting into men’s work.

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And so, um, learning really firsthand
the power of embodiment work in men’s

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groups in terms of shifting a lot of the
challenges I was having in my life and

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fell so in love with the work, now it’s
kind of what I guide other men through.

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Um, and something I’m just
grateful for every day.

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And in fact, I think it’s just
becoming more and more important

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with each and every passing day
with the state of the world.

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Ed Watters: I can’t agree more, Jason.

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Men are hurting out there.

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We are lost, confused, you know,
because the world is changing rapidly.

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And what we define
ourself as, it’s changing.

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So there’s already confusion
from the traditional lifestyle.

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Now we’ve got so many more lifestyles
in the mix, and it’s very hard for

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many men to accept and understand the
evolution into what the modern world is.

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What should a man be
in your opinion, Jason?

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Jason Lange: Yeah, it’s such a great
question and is really at the heart

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of so much of the work I do in that.

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A lot of the pain as you speak about
that men are under these days is,

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we don’t know what we’re supposed
to be or what we’re supposed to do.

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You know, the rules of the game
in a lot of ways have changed.

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And men generally, in my opinion, want
to do well for themselves, for their

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community, for their world, but they
don’t, these days, really know how.

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And, you know, the paradigm used to
be, in a sense, if you were a man, in

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a kind of more traditional sense, just
providing, showing up, doing your work,

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taking care of your friends and family,

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that was enough.

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That’s not really enough anymore.

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And what we’ve seen, what I’ve seen
firsthand in the men I work with is a

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lot of us came into this world and, um,
you know, over the last fifty, sixty

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years, there’s maybe kind of three
predominant, what I say, archetypes

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for the masculine, for men that were,
were, um, kind of demonstrated for us.

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And I’ll just go through them quick
and then it’ll become pretty clear

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what the problem with them is.

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And the first is kind of the, what we
joke is the traditional kind of macho

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jerk, the my way or the highway, the man
who just goes for what he wants, takes

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what he wants, and often doesn’t really
think about much more than himself, right?

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So he’s just, uh, conquering in a sense.

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And the thing about those men is they
often do tend to get a certain type of

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success and achievement and kind of,
but it’s usually in more of a taking

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sense and they can often adversely
impact those people around them, the

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environment, all kinds of things.

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And so many generations of men in
the last, you know, um, decades grew

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up seeing the damages of that kind
of man, a man who just doesn’t care

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and causes harm to those around him.

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And as a result, you know, particularly
I would say in the fifties and

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sixties and onward, we started to see
a response to that of what we kind

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of now call the nice guy, us nice
guys, I consider myself a nice guy.

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We’re very heart centered, we really care
about safety for those around us, we go

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out of our way to not be creeps or not
to be too sexually aggressive, and we

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really are kind of polite, in a sense.

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We want those around us to
feel well taken care of.

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The problem with a lot of nice guys
is they do that at their own expense.

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So they don’t set healthy boundaries,

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they don’t really go for what they
want, and they often end up feeling

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very frustrated and left behind in
some of their primary relationships.

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Then the third one I’ll just mention here,
Ed, which is kind of sprinkled all around

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is what I call the traditional stoic.

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You know, I, I kind of tend to point
to, um, the kind of greatest generation

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of grandfathers in particular, guys
you could, you know, know for twenty,

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thirty, forty years, and maybe never
even know they were in war or had some

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extremely challenging life events.

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They just kind of grunt their way through
life, keep to themselves, show up and

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do their responsibilities, but really
keep their inner world locked down.

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In all three of those strategies,
uh, of being, for men, have kind

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of fallen apart in the sense
they’re just not working anymore.

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And you know, the, the, uh, suicide rates,
loneliness rates, physical, um, ailments

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for men, like, it’s just all skyrocketing.

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Men are literally
hurting as you’re saying.

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And so what we’re being asked to do and
kind of the, maybe the central premise

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of the work I do is, it’s not about

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toxic masculinity or any of the stuff
we often hear about now that, Oh, you

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know, men are just inherently bad.

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It’s about, we got to take
the best of what was and bring

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it into the future as well.

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And what that really points to in the
work I do, Ed, is I kind of, again,

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bring it to three different points here.

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First, you know, modern men, modern
integrated men, we need to be embodied.

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So we actually need to be
connected to our direct bodily

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experience from moment to moment.

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This includes the physical
sensations in our body and as I

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would say, our emotions as well.

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Because emotions start as
physical sensations in the body.

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And so many of us men have actually been
trained out of our bodies by our culture.

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We have been taught from a very
young age, stop crying, toughen

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up, don’t move in school.

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We get all of these messages,
and it’s from culture, it’s from

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other men, sometimes it’s from
our teachers, that whatever’s

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happening in your body, ignore it.

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A real man is tough and he just
moves forward no matter what.

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That tends to cause some
pretty big problems later on.

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So first off is us men just learning
to get out of our heads and actually

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including our whole bodily experience.

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So being grounded, being present,
and really just being here.

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Something that sounds maybe pretty simple,
particularly in our age of technology,

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where everything is trying to pull
our attention away from right here and

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now, it’s, it’s a big, big challenge.

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Then second, is from that place, once
we’re grounded and embodied, that’s

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when we allow ourselves to open.

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To actually become open to the moment,
open to our emotions, and attuned

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to ourselves and those around us.

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So this is a pretty big paradigm
shift for a lot of men where I say the

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most powerful men I know these days,
they are also the most sensitive men.

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And I don’t mean sensitive in
that they get hurt just from

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someone calling them a name.

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I mean sensitive in that they’re
deeply attuned, particularly

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to those around them.

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They’re deeply attuned to
their emotional responses.

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They aren’t prey to their emotions, right?

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It’s not like, Oh, this emotion happened
to me, now I’m just exploding in rage.

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They’re actually able to notice,
and see, and be with, Wow, I’m

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feeling really angry right now.

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That is such an evolutionary leap for
most men to actually be able to name

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what their inner experience is in the
moment rather than just reacting from it.

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So there’s this openness that, um,
is deeply connected to that, that

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bedrock of groundedness, in presence.

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And then the third thing I’ll just add
here in terms of what I kind of say as an

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evolutionary man is, we, we learn to take
power of our awareness, to control, where

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is my attention going in any given moment?

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And to learn that, uh, our awareness
is actually one of our superpowers.

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So in any given moment, can I take my
awareness, literally the focus of my

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attention, and put it on what is most
important for me, for my family, for

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my work, for the planet, whatever that
means in that particularly moment.

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Another way to think about this is,
we are able to orient towards depth.

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What is the most important thing for
me to be paying attention to right now?

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And when we have all three of those
things, so a deep grounded presence,

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an open and sensitive heart, and an
expanded and focused awareness, those

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two terms might seem contradictory,
but they’re actually quite, um,

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they work quite well together, we,
we become something very different.

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We become a man that is in touch with
our power, our sexuality, what we

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want, our capacity to set boundaries.

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But we’re also deeply attuned to
the people around us, noticing

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the impact we’re having on our
environment, on our relationships.

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And we’re orienting towards, what’s
most important for those around me?

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So it’s a tall order in a lot of ways,
because I think a big part of where

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society is letting men down right now is
we’re not getting any training for how

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to be in this world in cultivating a deep
presence, learning to be present with our

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emotions, even learning to work our minds.

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These are actual skills and capacities
we have to practice and train at, and

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nobody is teaching us guys this stuff.

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Ed Watters: Yeah, I can’t agree more.

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You know, I think the simple
man is a thing of the past.

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We live in a technological age and
therefore we have to keep up with

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that to be relevant in this world.

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And with the changes in our
technology, the brute force, the

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manual labor is getting less and less.

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So there’s, there’s this thing,
our testosterone, it sometimes

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puts that grr to us, you know?

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But we go to the workplace and we
work that out a lot of the time.

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And now with the advent of technologies,
a lot of the times men work just

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like this, and there’s no room
for that grr time to get it out.

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We, we need to incorporate social
activities that allow us to be around men.

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You say men groups are necessary, and
I really do agree with that a lot.

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Dealing with men in this atmosphere,
what are some of the struggles that

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we are facing as men transitioning?

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Jason Lange: Yeah, absolutely.

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Uh, we mentioned one in particular
is loneliness and isolation.

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So I think men in particular are,
are very susceptible to, um, falling

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into very isolating life patterns.

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You know, this is obviously different
across cultures and in individuals.

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But in general, a lot of women
are better at just maintaining

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relationships, just literally just
having connections in their lives.

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A lot of us men, again, partly, you
know, some of it biological, but a

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lot of it cultural, um, fall prey to
what I call the myth of the lone wolf.

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This idea that, Oh, a real man is
someone who’s tough, that doesn’t

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need anyone, doesn’t rely on anyone.

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So we kind of have that context
along with, like you spoke

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about, a lot of shifting cultural
and technological changes.

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Where a lot of the places us men used
to go to get community have kind of

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fallen apart, social groups, men’s
clubs, certain types of work and

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activities, um, church groups for some
people, there’s a huge range of things.

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But a lot of that stuff is falling
apart and there’s this shift, right?

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Uh, at least here in the West, to kind
of work from home, more entrepreneurial

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stuff where many men I work with,
right, um, they can spend days or weeks

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without interacting with a person.

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You can click and order
everything off Amazon.

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And there’s all this energy now kind
of working against us from actually

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connecting with other human beings.

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And again, I think it’s, it’s men
that are particularly vulnerable

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to this because we have this thing
of, I got to do it all myself.

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So many men internalize this belief
that I got to figure it out all myself.

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That’s what a tough man does, you know,
here in the States where I live, right?

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Um, we are just inundated with the image
in particular of like the, the, the lone

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cowboy, the rugged individual, just,
who pulls himself up by his bootstraps.

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And the truth is, uh, that
doesn’t work anymore, right?

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Many of the men that go that route end
up addicted to alcohol or weed, or have

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autoimmune disorders, they die earlier.

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Like there is just a
crazy amount of stats.

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We are meant to live in, meant to
live relationally, and in community,

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and in the natural world, right?

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The lone wolf is actually the wolf that
was kicked out of the pack and they

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do not survive as long as the wolves
in a pack, it has real consequences.

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So for one, most men are chronically
malnourished in connection is what I find.

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And if they do have connection in
their life, Ed, a lot of men out of

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the gate, we default to connecting
via what I call triangulation.

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So it’s me and you and we build
connection by having our attention

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on a third thing, a sports game,
an activity, there’s something that

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we’re putting our attention on.

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You know, another way I put this is
men like to talk about things, right?

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We’ll get together and we’ll just talk
about things, or politics, or whatever,

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but rarely are men trained to turn
their attention towards each other.

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00:16:13,619 –> 00:16:16,870
Hey, I’m gonna ask you
what’s going on in your life.

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You’re gonna ask me what’s
going on in my life.

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And our attention is actually going to be
on each other, which is where the deepest

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connection is often built and where I see
time and time again with men I work with,

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they’re, it’s like they are in the desert
malnourished and they get into a space

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where people are actually present and
something inside them comes back alive.

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Some type of connection starts to blossom
and vitality comes back to their lives.

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So for one, they’re just, there’s not
enough connection for so many guys.

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Number two, like I said, is
just these changing expectations

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for what men should be.

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You know, in a sense, um, uh, the
probably most concrete form of this

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is all these, some of these ideas
we’ve talked about, we, we kind of

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consolidate in what we call the man box.

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Which is this idea that, uh, and
they’ve done research, right?

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It’s really interesting, they did,
they polled, um, men and women

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across the board, so this was
both sides, and it’s just simple

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question, what marks the transition
between a girl and a woman, right?

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What makes a girl turn into a woman?

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And most people, both men and women
included, noted biological features.

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So she starts menstruating, she
has her cycle, her body changes,

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then she’s a woman, right?

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Same question asked about boys and
men, totally different answers.

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It’s not based on biology, it’s
based on how the man is showing

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up in his culture or society.

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Expectations of behavior and integrity,
meaning a boy could be fully mature in

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his body, but not be considered a man,

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right?

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Oh, he’s still, he hasn’t,
he’s failure to launch, right?

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He’s stuck at home.

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And part of what drives that are
these, what we call the man box.

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Which is, right, the set of expectations
that create a box of behavior for us men.

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That if we’re checking the
contents of that box, We’re a man.

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If we’re not checking the contents
of that box, we’re less than a man.

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We’re something else, there’s all kinds of
slurs and words for that, that people use.

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But some of the defining characteristics
of that, like we said, are be tough,

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don’t show emotion, don’t be weak, push
yourself, these are some of the messages

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we get from a very young age as men.

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Which again, then leads to this
incredible problem of, as human beings.

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We men have emotions and feelings, but
from a young age, we are not taught

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what they are, or how to relate to
them, or how to healthily express them.

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So what happens instead is we have
these uncomfortable sensations

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in our bodies, sometimes we
can’t even label what they are.

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And what men, I think in particular, do,
Ed, is they turn to things outside of

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them to try to get rid of that feeling.

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So, booze, weed, porn, masturbation,
food, working really hard, earning

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00:19:18,885 –> 00:19:24,754
money, there’s so many different ways
us men will try to eject from our

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experience so we don’t have to feel it.

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And the trouble is feelings don’t go away.

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You can numb them out, you can
try to push them away, you can

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run away from them, but they stay.

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And there’s, you know, again, more and
more research here that shows, you can

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even run a thought experience here.

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He came across a person, a
young boy or something, right?

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And he’s just scared or
bawling in tears or something.

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And you come up to him
and you go, Stop crying.

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What you’ll see that boy do,

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he’ll hold his breath, he’ll
stop breathing and his body

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will actually tense up.

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So, the way we stop emotion is
we tense up our body to hold it.

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We hold the feeling inside and maybe
we eventually dissociate from it.

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But long and short of this is every
time we don’t feel the, feel a

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00:20:16,939 –> 00:20:22,729
feeling or allow emotional content
to properly be experienced, it gets

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stored in our body as held tension.

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And the research seems to point
to our fascia, which is what

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connects our muscle to our bone.

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But this has a huge energetic cost, right?

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Because even if I just
told you right now, right?

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Tense all the muscles in your arms,
you guys can, you can do this, right?

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Just stand in here and
you tighten your biceps.

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And if I was like, Now hold
that for twenty minutes.

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At first, it’s like, Oh, that’s easy.

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But as the time goes by you’re like,
Wow, this actually takes a lot of energy.

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And that’s energy you do
not have available for you

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in the rest of your life.

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So many men these days I work with,
they have so much buried, buried

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feeling and emotional content that’s
held in their body as tension.

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And then they walk around depressed,
exhausted, anxious, and not sure

295
00:21:16,654 –> 00:21:18,924
what’s, why this is happening to them.

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And so training men to learn to get in
touch with their bodies, their hearts,

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00:21:26,054 –> 00:21:30,914
their feelings, and then what to do with
their emotions to make it a constructive,

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healthy thing is a huge edge and very
underserved thing in our world right now.

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And you know, when we’re young, Ed, I
like to joke, you know, it’s like we kind

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of come with a certain, uh, amount of

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juice in our battery.

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It’s like, you know, we can
just push ourselves, we can go

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out drinking, we can, whatever.

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And we just bounce back.

305
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And then, you know, you start to
hit your, your forties and fifties

306
00:21:52,629 –> 00:21:56,610
and it’s like, Oh wait, this doesn’t
just recharge automatically anymore.

307
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I got to be really mindful with
what I’m doing with my life force.

308
00:22:01,310 –> 00:22:06,979
And a lot of these held emotions really
start to kind of have an impact on

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us, I would say, in that middle age.

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Where we’ll start to have extreme amounts
of autoimmune disorders, depression,

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00:22:14,664 –> 00:22:18,604
physical ailments that, you know, they
can’t all be traced back to emotional

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00:22:18,634 –> 00:22:21,435
content, but it has a massive impact.

313
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So something I’ve seen in the live work
I do, with men in particular, is guiding

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00:22:26,084 –> 00:22:29,914
a man into, you know, sometimes something
they’ve been holding, literally an

315
00:22:29,914 –> 00:22:34,584
emotional experience they’ve been holding
from their childhood even, for decades.

316
00:22:34,904 –> 00:22:39,110
And they finally allow that to move
through them, it’s like a different

317
00:22:39,129 –> 00:22:41,340
human being shows up on the other side.

318
00:22:41,780 –> 00:22:45,020
Their face softens, their
eyes open brighter, there’s

319
00:22:45,020 –> 00:22:46,740
more energy, more presence.

320
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And, and just tell you like, Wow, I’m here
because I was spending all of this energy

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to hold that at bay for all these years.

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And that just has such a
huge consequence on us men.

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So isolation and, you know, another
way to put this, maybe, emotional

324
00:23:05,070 –> 00:23:08,159
constipation that a lot of us men
kind of get stuck with, two of

325
00:23:08,159 –> 00:23:09,669
the huge challenges right now.

326
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Ed Watters: I like that.

327
00:23:12,089 –> 00:23:15,970
And it is so important to recognize that.

328
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Bottling things up is what we do best and
that deep work, that dark shadow work,

329
00:23:25,580 –> 00:23:32,750
you call it, I believe, it is what we have
to do to really break free from it all.

330
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And love ourselves even though we hate
who we used to be, that’s, that’s quality.

331
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And when we put quality
into us, we get quality out.

332
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It’s easy to hide, it’s easy
to run, and it’s easy to blame.

333
00:23:53,715 –> 00:24:00,064
I know that a lot of people get stuck
in this blame game because that’s what

334
00:24:00,065 –> 00:24:02,274
they’ve been taught to do, really.

335
00:24:02,604 –> 00:24:03,224
And, you know,

336
00:24:05,375 –> 00:24:12,395
it’s about putting ourselves around
people that really make the difference.

337
00:24:13,004 –> 00:24:17,274
What type of role models
should a male be looking for?

338
00:24:18,834 –> 00:24:24,064
Jason Lange: Yeah, this is huge and it’s
one of the big reasons why I really am a

339
00:24:24,064 –> 00:24:26,284
proponent of this idea of men’s groups.

340
00:24:26,314 –> 00:24:31,129
Because another challenge we have
as men is, many of us don’t get to

341
00:24:31,129 –> 00:24:33,270
spend time around other healthy men.

342
00:24:33,700 –> 00:24:38,770
So we’re like, Hey, I know what I’m being
shown in the world is not a healthy,

343
00:24:39,289 –> 00:24:42,720
uh, is not healthy, but I don’t have any
role models of what else there should be.

344
00:24:43,279 –> 00:24:48,109
And this is something that, you know,
Robert Bly, who wrote, um, Iron John,

345
00:24:48,109 –> 00:24:51,664
he was one of the first to kind of
talk about another one of the many

346
00:24:51,694 –> 00:24:55,544
kind of shifts for men was, you know,
once the industrial revolution came,

347
00:24:55,554 –> 00:25:00,195
before that, boys at some point would
kind of go off to be with the men.

348
00:25:00,835 –> 00:25:04,744
Dad would have a trade or work and,
you know, around seven or eight,

349
00:25:04,744 –> 00:25:06,215
you would start to spend time

350
00:25:06,440 –> 00:25:08,879
with dad, or your uncles,
or the men in your life.

351
00:25:09,159 –> 00:25:13,780
And you would be taught kind of the way
a man should be in a sense, what it means

352
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to serve your community, your family.

353
00:25:16,889 –> 00:25:20,709
And once the industrial revolution hit,
all the dads went away to factories.

354
00:25:20,929 –> 00:25:22,269
And so boys were left at home.

355
00:25:22,310 –> 00:25:25,610
And then we got shoved into school
systems, which though it’s changing,

356
00:25:26,060 –> 00:25:27,960
teachers have predominantly been women.

357
00:25:28,320 –> 00:25:32,360
So a lot of boys have spent a lot
of time being raised by women and

358
00:25:32,370 –> 00:25:36,649
don’t necessarily have access to
that, that kind of older role model

359
00:25:36,679 –> 00:25:42,440
energy where we get transmitted
so much, so much happens in that.

360
00:25:42,990 –> 00:25:46,510
And I got pretty lucky, part of my
personal journey is I got lucky.

361
00:25:46,510 –> 00:25:51,070
I got into a men’s group when I was
in my twenties and that exposed me to

362
00:25:51,070 –> 00:25:55,410
older, more mature men I never would
have met in a different container.

363
00:25:55,730 –> 00:25:59,840
And this was a visceral thing for me
as I’m sitting in the room with some

364
00:25:59,840 –> 00:26:04,549
of these men and seeing how they’re
sharing, how they’re standing, how they’re

365
00:26:04,609 –> 00:26:06,929
breathing, how they deal with emotions.

366
00:26:07,249 –> 00:26:10,050
And, you know, it sounds a little
cheesy, but I remember one of my

367
00:26:10,060 –> 00:26:13,870
first mentors, I saw him speaking
and interacting with some people.

368
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And I just had this
sense in my body of, Wow.

369
00:26:17,890 –> 00:26:19,800
That’s what I want to be when I grow up.

370
00:26:20,790 –> 00:26:24,810
It’s not so much what he’s doing,
but it’s his presence, which has come

371
00:26:24,820 –> 00:26:28,590
from a certain type of practice and
work he had put in and on himself.

372
00:26:29,159 –> 00:26:33,689
So getting around other men who,
as I say, are deeper than us

373
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doesn’t mean they know everything.

374
00:26:36,115 –> 00:26:39,425
It just means in, you know, sometimes
it’s in career, sometimes it’s in

375
00:26:39,425 –> 00:26:41,524
transformation, sometimes it’s in sports.

376
00:26:41,905 –> 00:26:45,044
These men have gone a little
further on their path than us

377
00:26:45,264 –> 00:26:50,304
and can transmit something to us
and that is a really rare thing.

378
00:26:50,314 –> 00:26:53,244
You know, it’s something I’m
so grateful for having become

379
00:26:53,244 –> 00:26:54,604
a father in the last years.

380
00:26:54,604 –> 00:26:59,354
Have, you know, tried to navigate a
pandemic and all this crazy stuff.

381
00:26:59,564 –> 00:27:02,800
And I was in men’s groups with some
guys in their fifties, sixties, and

382
00:27:02,800 –> 00:27:06,199
seventies who, you know, I would
be on the verge of a freak out.

383
00:27:06,199 –> 00:27:07,740
Oh my God, this is happening with my kid.

384
00:27:08,030 –> 00:27:08,830
And they’re like, Hey.

385
00:27:09,239 –> 00:27:09,899
Yeah, totally.

386
00:27:09,899 –> 00:27:11,059
I get it, I remember that.

387
00:27:11,069 –> 00:27:13,100
Here’s what worked for me,
here’s what I discovered.

388
00:27:13,419 –> 00:27:17,169
My whole nervous system just
would relax like, Oh, okay.

389
00:27:17,430 –> 00:27:21,159
I got some people looking out for me who
have some advice for me, who can guide me.

390
00:27:21,370 –> 00:27:26,120
It doesn’t mean they have all the answers,
but their wisdom was transmitted to me.

391
00:27:26,540 –> 00:27:30,830
So getting around other healthy
men is one of the most powerful

392
00:27:31,039 –> 00:27:33,620
things we can do as guys.

393
00:27:34,110 –> 00:27:38,780
Get around other men who can call us
forward when there’s something in our

394
00:27:38,780 –> 00:27:43,469
life we need to be held accountable
for, and frankly, just support us when

395
00:27:43,479 –> 00:27:46,020
we can’t hold it together anymore.

396
00:27:46,370 –> 00:27:53,219
And so many men I know are just
bracing, holding on for dear life and

397
00:27:53,219 –> 00:27:58,340
have nowhere to go where they can,
sometimes literally, but oftentimes

398
00:27:58,340 –> 00:28:00,840
figuratively, be held by others.

399
00:28:01,159 –> 00:28:02,249
Hey, man, it’s okay.

400
00:28:02,340 –> 00:28:04,629
I’ve got you right now, you
don’t have to hold it in.

401
00:28:05,540 –> 00:28:08,719
That to me is one of the most
powerful shifts I’ve seen for men.

402
00:28:08,719 –> 00:28:13,310
So getting in a group, getting around
other healthy men changes lives.

403
00:28:13,349 –> 00:28:14,929
I’ve just seen it time and time again.

404
00:28:15,830 –> 00:28:17,000
Ed Watters: Yeah, yeah.

405
00:28:17,000 –> 00:28:21,879
I think it’s, it’s one of
the most important things.

406
00:28:21,879 –> 00:28:25,409
You need that context to be.

407
00:28:25,669 –> 00:28:32,919
And the only way you can get context of a
man is to be around a true man and that,

408
00:28:32,929 –> 00:28:36,610
that sometimes is very difficult to find.

409
00:28:38,049 –> 00:28:45,330
Another big thing I remember is
being able to reach out and ask.

410
00:28:45,715 –> 00:28:48,054
Hey, can you help me with this?

411
00:28:48,155 –> 00:28:49,564
Do you have any advice?

412
00:28:50,424 –> 00:28:53,955
It was one of the hardest
things for me to do.

413
00:28:53,955 –> 00:28:56,854
Do you have any advice for young men?

414
00:28:57,134 –> 00:29:03,934
How do you reach out to a
possible role model and ask for

415
00:29:03,934 –> 00:29:06,354
that help that you might need?

416
00:29:07,364 –> 00:29:10,850
Jason Lange: Yeah, that, um, I
just want to really highlight what

417
00:29:10,850 –> 00:29:15,080
you said because this is sometimes
the hardest thing for men to do.

418
00:29:15,340 –> 00:29:17,010
What I’ve seen in the work I do with men.

419
00:29:17,220 –> 00:29:20,730
I mean, I’ll tell you, Ed, some, you
know, I’m a coach as well so I work

420
00:29:20,730 –> 00:29:22,970
with guys one on one or in programs.

421
00:29:23,230 –> 00:29:27,149
And so sometimes I will have the,
I’ve had the experience many times,

422
00:29:27,440 –> 00:29:34,159
men are actually paying me for
coaching, guidance, support, right?

423
00:29:34,159 –> 00:29:37,699
So they’re paying me for it
and like a week will go by

424
00:29:37,709 –> 00:29:38,919
and I won’t hear from them.

425
00:29:39,310 –> 00:29:41,679
And so I’ll reach out and be
like, Hey, what’s going on?

426
00:29:41,679 –> 00:29:42,790
I’m just wondering how you’re doing.

427
00:29:43,230 –> 00:29:46,260
And they’ll eventually reveal
to me, Oh my God, I had the

428
00:29:46,260 –> 00:29:48,240
worst couple of days in my life.

429
00:29:48,550 –> 00:29:50,950
It was so hard, I barely survived it.

430
00:29:51,270 –> 00:29:53,469
And I’m like, I’m literally here for you.

431
00:29:53,469 –> 00:29:57,140
You’re, you’re actually paying me to
be here for you and you still, right,

432
00:29:57,150 –> 00:29:58,650
had this challenge to reach out.

433
00:29:58,679 –> 00:30:00,279
Cause they’re like, Oh,
I felt so much shame.

434
00:30:00,279 –> 00:30:01,780
I was embarrassed or whatever.

435
00:30:02,230 –> 00:30:05,680
And I’m like, No, that, like, what
I tell my guys is the moment you

436
00:30:05,680 –> 00:30:10,955
want to withdraw is often the most
important moment to reach out to say,

437
00:30:10,955 –> 00:30:13,035
Hey, I’m really struggling today.

438
00:30:13,115 –> 00:30:14,065
I’m just, I’m in it.

439
00:30:14,245 –> 00:30:18,905
I, I, I’m stuck, I’m mad or I’m pissed,
or I’m sad, or I feel totally trapped.

440
00:30:19,214 –> 00:30:24,265
And it’s that reaching out and
finding connection that often

441
00:30:24,524 –> 00:30:28,355
starts to release some of the
energy to allow us to heal and move.

442
00:30:28,585 –> 00:30:34,920
Or frankly, might not change a single
thing about the actual mechanics of

443
00:30:34,920 –> 00:30:36,560
whatever challenge we’re having in life.

444
00:30:37,090 –> 00:30:44,849
But connection often resources ourselves,
resources us so we have the energy to

445
00:30:44,849 –> 00:30:47,440
keep, keep at that problem, so to speak.

446
00:30:47,649 –> 00:30:51,580
So it’s not like talking to me necessarily
fixes everything all the time, but it just

447
00:30:51,580 –> 00:30:53,930
makes a man feel like okay I’m not alone.

448
00:30:54,310 –> 00:30:57,360
I feel energized, I feel
resourced so I can go back and,

449
00:30:57,570 –> 00:30:59,189
and get at this thing again.

450
00:30:59,819 –> 00:31:01,525
But it’s a real challenge.

451
00:31:01,525 –> 00:31:05,445
So if you’re, you know, thinking
about it, it, whether it’s, you know,

452
00:31:05,445 –> 00:31:09,245
someone on social media, or someone
who wrote a book, or someone in your

453
00:31:09,245 –> 00:31:11,655
immediate community, reach out to them.

454
00:31:11,655 –> 00:31:14,194
Just say, Hey, you know, I’m
looking for a little guidance.

455
00:31:14,195 –> 00:31:16,754
Would you have some time, some
time to just sit down and chat?

456
00:31:17,155 –> 00:31:21,985
Um, they, you know, there is actually a
fair amount of research that shows, in a

457
00:31:22,025 –> 00:31:29,255
pretty profound way, um, men, it’s not,
you know, the ideal obviously is you

458
00:31:29,255 –> 00:31:34,985
have like a very present, attuned, caring
caregiver, father energy, who can come in

459
00:31:34,985 –> 00:31:36,985
and is regularly engaged with your life.

460
00:31:37,485 –> 00:31:39,575
Many of us don’t have
that for various reasons.

461
00:31:39,804 –> 00:31:47,225
But what they, what they’ve shown is even
a single intervention by an older, caring,

462
00:31:47,225 –> 00:31:51,335
wise man, so this could be a sports coach,
this could be an uncle, this could be

463
00:31:51,335 –> 00:31:56,105
someone in your community, a teacher,
whatever, somebody who just drops in

464
00:31:56,105 –> 00:31:57,934
with you and says, Hey, you know what?

465
00:31:58,495 –> 00:31:59,425
I know you can do it.

466
00:31:59,485 –> 00:32:01,704
I believe in you, let’s figure this out.

467
00:32:03,175 –> 00:32:09,825
One time even can completely alter the
trajectory of a boy and man’s life.

468
00:32:10,215 –> 00:32:14,715
So these don’t have to even be like, you
know, best friend relationships forever.

469
00:32:14,735 –> 00:32:18,245
But sometimes just getting a little
mentorship from someone in your workplace,

470
00:32:18,254 –> 00:32:21,465
or someone in your church, or someone
in your friends and family community,

471
00:32:21,465 –> 00:32:23,094
it’s like, Hey, I’m
struggling with this thing.

472
00:32:23,275 –> 00:32:24,365
Have you ever dealt with that?

473
00:32:24,465 –> 00:32:27,864
And you ask them, people are
often, love to share about their

474
00:32:27,864 –> 00:32:29,984
wins, or advice, or self story.

475
00:32:30,154 –> 00:32:31,804
So you just, you got to reach out.

476
00:32:32,184 –> 00:32:36,310
And if it’s a little too uncomfortable,
you know, you can find a container,

477
00:32:36,310 –> 00:32:39,830
something like a men’s group, or a
retreat, or a program to come into

478
00:32:39,830 –> 00:32:41,660
where that’s really woven in as well.

479
00:32:42,350 –> 00:32:43,630
Ed Watters: Yeah, that’s good advice.

480
00:32:44,309 –> 00:32:47,100
You know, another thing is quality.

481
00:32:47,170 –> 00:32:53,240
I think the quality of your
mentors matter, because we touched

482
00:32:53,240 –> 00:32:57,630
on it earlier, what, what you
are around is what you become.

483
00:32:57,640 –> 00:33:03,710
And you really want to think about
that when you are attaching yourself.

484
00:33:04,280 –> 00:33:10,570
If, if the guy’s out there partying
and doing immature things, is that

485
00:33:10,659 –> 00:33:13,080
the right mentor that you want?

486
00:33:13,630 –> 00:33:18,935
You know, I remember it was fun, it
was great, it was energetic, it was

487
00:33:18,995 –> 00:33:22,715
thrilling to be around that energy.

488
00:33:23,195 –> 00:33:30,045
But now that I’m older and I’m a little
wiser, I look back on those connections

489
00:33:30,054 –> 00:33:36,354
that I chose when I was younger because
I wanted that vibrant feeling in my life.

490
00:33:37,125 –> 00:33:42,525
This is not necessarily the
right person to reach out to.

491
00:33:42,765 –> 00:33:51,420
And I really think that we need to
work harder on being available to

492
00:33:51,420 –> 00:33:53,850
individuals when they reach out.

493
00:33:54,380 –> 00:33:58,490
And don’t slough a young man
off if they reach out to you

494
00:33:58,490 –> 00:34:00,750
because it’s so important.

495
00:34:01,569 –> 00:34:05,350
They saw something
there, answer that call.

496
00:34:06,915 –> 00:34:16,315
What type of person should we be
going into a relationship like that?

497
00:34:16,325 –> 00:34:24,205
Because a lot of people they’re withdrawn
and they don’t want to be bothered by it.

498
00:34:25,030 –> 00:34:31,680
But really, I, I feel that it’s your
duty if a young man reaches out to

499
00:34:31,680 –> 00:34:34,370
you, you need to answer that call.

500
00:34:35,230 –> 00:34:35,510
Jason Lange: Yeah.

501
00:34:35,510 –> 00:34:40,929
One of my, you know, favorite inquiries
for this is, uh, to slow down.

502
00:34:41,160 –> 00:34:45,190
And even just inside yourself
connect to, yeah, that inner

503
00:34:45,190 –> 00:34:47,550
teenager there, that inner young boy.

504
00:34:48,130 –> 00:34:51,040
And remember, where were you struggling?

505
00:34:51,300 –> 00:34:52,380
Where were you in pain?

506
00:34:52,910 –> 00:34:56,985
What do you wish you could have
asked an older, mature man?

507
00:34:57,205 –> 00:34:59,805
And what do you wish you could
have gotten back from him?

508
00:35:00,625 –> 00:35:04,535
And you’ll probably get a
pretty clear read, right?

509
00:35:04,555 –> 00:35:07,255
Like, Oh man, I really needed
somebody to X, Y, or Z.

510
00:35:07,934 –> 00:35:11,774
That can be one of your great gifts in
life then is to go out and give that.

511
00:35:12,205 –> 00:35:16,674
To find other men who you can express
that thing you needed at that age

512
00:35:16,675 –> 00:35:18,145
and say, Hey, here, here I am.

513
00:35:18,165 –> 00:35:19,635
I want to, I want to bring this.

514
00:35:20,145 –> 00:35:23,394
And just, you know, in general, I
think one of the greatest things we can

515
00:35:23,394 –> 00:35:30,180
do as men is show up with curiosity,
not shame people, just, right?

516
00:35:30,190 –> 00:35:33,939
It’s not making them wrong for, you know,
if a young boy who’s stuck, we don’t

517
00:35:33,940 –> 00:35:36,010
want to shame them, we just get curious.

518
00:35:36,010 –> 00:35:37,300
What’s going on in your life?

519
00:35:37,699 –> 00:35:42,889
And, um, I kind of summarize, you
know, in the work I do, Ed, I call

520
00:35:42,889 –> 00:35:44,930
it the father energy we all need.

521
00:35:45,610 –> 00:35:49,830
And I kind of mentioned it earlier,
actually, that I, to me, the ultimate

522
00:35:49,830 –> 00:35:53,890
kind of fatherly masculine energy that
anyone can give, doesn’t just have to be

523
00:35:53,890 –> 00:36:00,740
a man, but it’s this particular texture
of, oh, let’s figure it out together.

524
00:36:01,379 –> 00:36:05,679
Meaning if a challenge hits you and
you feel like you failed, or don’t

525
00:36:05,680 –> 00:36:10,160
know how to do something, or are
stuck, it’s the loving presence of

526
00:36:10,160 –> 00:36:12,950
someone else who acknowledges that.

527
00:36:13,180 –> 00:36:17,110
And then sits with you and says, Okay,
well, what can we do different next time?

528
00:36:17,450 –> 00:36:20,070
What do you need to work on
in yourself or in your career?

529
00:36:20,360 –> 00:36:25,440
And that just stays with you in that
and helps you run the experiments.

530
00:36:25,710 –> 00:36:28,865
Another way to put this is,
helps you learn to fail better.

531
00:36:29,635 –> 00:36:32,845
So if something happens in life
and it doesn’t work out the way

532
00:36:32,845 –> 00:36:34,715
you want, you figure it out.

533
00:36:34,805 –> 00:36:37,275
And to me, that is real resilience.

534
00:36:37,305 –> 00:36:39,105
It’s not that you always
get what you want,

535
00:36:39,395 –> 00:36:42,715
it’s that you’re able to respond
to the moment and try again.

536
00:36:43,355 –> 00:36:43,890
Ride through it.

537
00:36:44,550 –> 00:36:47,770
Men tend to love, you know,
sports movies, stuff like Rocky.

538
00:36:48,010 –> 00:36:49,030
What makes Rocky great?

539
00:36:49,470 –> 00:36:51,130
It’s not that he wins every time.

540
00:36:51,340 –> 00:36:53,980
It’s no matter how hard he
gets hit, he gets back up.

541
00:36:54,090 –> 00:36:54,860
He tries again.

542
00:36:55,370 –> 00:36:57,709
We find that very inspiring as men.

543
00:36:58,070 –> 00:37:01,780
And that’s a really unique
texture of love, men in

544
00:37:01,780 –> 00:37:03,730
particular, can offer to others.

545
00:37:04,040 –> 00:37:05,610
Of, wow, yeah, you’re
really hurting with this.

546
00:37:05,610 –> 00:37:09,520
You feel really stuck with this, or wow,
you, you face planted on that, right?

547
00:37:09,580 –> 00:37:10,620
Well, let’s talk about it.

548
00:37:10,670 –> 00:37:11,370
Let’s figure it out.

549
00:37:11,380 –> 00:37:12,400
What could we try different?

550
00:37:12,720 –> 00:37:17,819
And having someone in your, in your
corner, so to speak, like that as

551
00:37:17,820 –> 00:37:20,560
a man, wow, does it change things.

552
00:37:20,840 –> 00:37:25,520
It, it creates a completely different
type of resilience that allows

553
00:37:25,520 –> 00:37:31,320
us to go out and be bold and run
experiments and fail in a sense.

554
00:37:31,560 –> 00:37:36,600
But we learn so much every time
that if we just commit to that as a

555
00:37:36,600 –> 00:37:40,839
lifestyle and we have someone guiding
us from a place of depth, it is

556
00:37:40,839 –> 00:37:43,289
incredible how much we can transform.

557
00:37:43,619 –> 00:37:48,645
But so many of us guys just
did not have that growing up.

558
00:37:49,165 –> 00:37:51,235
So for me, I didn’t have
that kind of presence.

559
00:37:51,475 –> 00:37:57,285
So I learned to just get really
close to the chest, play it really

560
00:37:57,285 –> 00:38:01,905
safe because I was so afraid of
fucking up my life, making a mistake.

561
00:38:02,355 –> 00:38:04,754
And I didn’t feel like I
had any net underneath me.

562
00:38:05,025 –> 00:38:07,415
So you know, I was just
kind of locked in myself.

563
00:38:07,945 –> 00:38:10,255
As I’ve gotten into men’s
work and gotten supported,

564
00:38:10,595 –> 00:38:13,785
I’m able to take much
bigger risks in my life.

565
00:38:13,995 –> 00:38:18,535
Which sometimes work, sometimes don’t,
but I’m always glad I took the chance.

566
00:38:18,815 –> 00:38:22,365
And that’s a real place of
liberation for so many of us guys.

567
00:38:22,605 –> 00:38:26,255
So if you want to mentor a man, you
know, it’s really, really shore him up.

568
00:38:26,275 –> 00:38:26,915
Get curious.

569
00:38:26,915 –> 00:38:27,525
What do they want?

570
00:38:27,795 –> 00:38:28,644
What’s in the way?

571
00:38:28,995 –> 00:38:32,104
And then you just hash it out with him
and you stay connected and present.

572
00:38:32,595 –> 00:38:35,385
And you can completely
change somebody’s life.

573
00:38:37,665 –> 00:38:41,455
Ed Watters: And that’s what
we need to do most is change

574
00:38:42,005 –> 00:38:43,985
the status quo in our world.

575
00:38:44,505 –> 00:38:47,245
Too much hate, we need to turn it to love.

576
00:38:47,255 –> 00:38:51,895
And it’s okay to love as a man,
you know, not just a woman, but

577
00:38:52,034 –> 00:38:54,734
your community, your fellow man.

578
00:38:54,735 –> 00:38:55,615
It’s big.

579
00:38:55,925 –> 00:39:01,984
And I, I really think we as
people out here working towards

580
00:39:01,995 –> 00:39:04,880
that, that’s much needed.

581
00:39:04,890 –> 00:39:10,220
That, that is mentoring men
to come aboard and do this.

582
00:39:10,230 –> 00:39:13,300
We, we have to do this together, it’s big.

583
00:39:15,120 –> 00:39:20,440
Do you have anything that you want
to add to our conversation today that

584
00:39:20,440 –> 00:39:23,199
you feel that’s vital that men hear?

585
00:39:27,020 –> 00:39:29,570
Jason Lange: You know, I’ll just add, I
really love what you just shared there.

586
00:39:29,580 –> 00:39:34,555
And I think there’s a unique, you know,
like I said, kind of texture and quality

587
00:39:34,985 –> 00:39:37,775
to love through the masculine in a sense.

588
00:39:38,355 –> 00:39:42,305
And it’s one I think a lot of
us men and boys are craving.

589
00:39:42,315 –> 00:39:46,865
And what it is, is someone who looks
at us and says, I see the best in you.

590
00:39:48,385 –> 00:39:49,475
That’s what I want from you.

591
00:39:49,574 –> 00:39:52,665
I see the best in you so I
expect the best from you.

592
00:39:52,665 –> 00:39:57,445
And I’m going to be an advocate and be on
your team and fight for the best from you.

593
00:39:57,795 –> 00:40:01,235
So if I fuck up in my life, or I
treat someone badly, or I cheat in a

594
00:40:01,235 –> 00:40:05,520
relationship, or I do something bad,
we actually often are longing for other

595
00:40:05,520 –> 00:40:09,450
men to stop us, look us in the eye and
say, Hey man, that, that’s not cool.

596
00:40:09,990 –> 00:40:10,800
That doesn’t fly.

597
00:40:11,320 –> 00:40:17,189
I know, I know, I know who you are and
I know there’s more in you than that.

598
00:40:17,540 –> 00:40:20,010
So let’s clean this up or let’s do better.

599
00:40:20,719 –> 00:40:26,160
And that texture of love of, I’m not going
to take anything but the best from you.

600
00:40:26,780 –> 00:40:27,770
Because I see it in you.

601
00:40:27,790 –> 00:40:32,410
I’m holding that vision for you,
is so affirming for us guys.

602
00:40:32,680 –> 00:40:36,600
And we’ll, we’ll, we’ll move mountains
when someone believes in us in that sense.

603
00:40:36,860 –> 00:40:40,820
And doesn’t just let us get away,
so to speak, with bad behavior.

604
00:40:41,189 –> 00:40:44,635
And I think that’s something the
world is desperately missing right

605
00:40:44,645 –> 00:40:49,775
now is, you know, it’s not calling
out so much, but it’s calling forward

606
00:40:49,785 –> 00:40:51,995
the best in another person, right?

607
00:40:51,995 –> 00:40:53,234
The best in another man.

608
00:40:53,245 –> 00:40:56,525
And that is something I do not
think enough men are doing.

609
00:40:56,875 –> 00:41:00,954
Where I think it’s our responsibility
as men to call forward the other

610
00:41:00,954 –> 00:41:04,765
men in the world we don’t see
showing up in the most healthy ways.

611
00:41:05,105 –> 00:41:08,075
And again, it’s not about tearing
them down or shaming them,

612
00:41:08,325 –> 00:41:12,075
but it’s about pulling out the
best of them saying, Hey man,

613
00:41:12,695 –> 00:41:13,815
I know you got more in there.

614
00:41:13,865 –> 00:41:15,705
Let’s figure this out, how
could we do this different?

615
00:41:15,705 –> 00:41:17,115
How can we clean up this mess?

616
00:41:17,535 –> 00:41:20,725
And, you know, it can be a little
controversial to say these days,

617
00:41:20,725 –> 00:41:24,265
Ed, but I’m definitely of the camp
that what the world needs right now

618
00:41:24,325 –> 00:41:27,135
is not less men in the masculine.

619
00:41:27,464 –> 00:41:29,404
It’s actually, we need way more.

620
00:41:29,935 –> 00:41:34,175
Healthy men holding the masculine,
showing up in the world.

621
00:41:34,605 –> 00:41:37,015
Women in the feminine, they can’t
do it all on their own, they’re

622
00:41:37,105 –> 00:41:38,954
fucking trying, but they can’t.

623
00:41:39,175 –> 00:41:42,025
We need to step up as men
and take responsibility for

624
00:41:42,025 –> 00:41:43,974
ourselves and for each other.

625
00:41:44,304 –> 00:41:49,005
And that is, you know, one of my teachers,
uh, last thing I’ll share here, pointed

626
00:41:49,005 –> 00:41:52,435
out, it is one of the most challenging
things about stepping into what I kind of

627
00:41:52,465 –> 00:41:58,705
call men’s work and this path of growth,
which is about taking full responsibility

628
00:41:59,000 –> 00:42:00,610
for who we are in our lives.

629
00:42:00,940 –> 00:42:04,300
So this is very different from
traditional kind of victim energy

630
00:42:04,300 –> 00:42:08,080
of, Oh, my parents duh, duh, duh, I’m
stuck, I’m a victim, it’s not my fault.

631
00:42:08,370 –> 00:42:09,630
It’s more, wow.

632
00:42:09,630 –> 00:42:12,999
What happened had an impact on me, right?

633
00:42:13,009 –> 00:42:18,549
How I was raised, my socioeconomic
status, so many different things, right?

634
00:42:18,659 –> 00:42:20,749
This stuff happened to
me and it had an impact.

635
00:42:21,699 –> 00:42:27,440
The thing is the moment we become
aware of what happened, we become

636
00:42:27,440 –> 00:42:28,990
responsible for shifting it.

637
00:42:29,470 –> 00:42:35,600
And that is a painful thing not a lot of
men want to do and it even extends beyond.

638
00:42:36,610 –> 00:42:40,339
We don’t even, it’s not even about
just taking responsibility for

639
00:42:40,340 –> 00:42:45,410
ourselves, but for the whole mess all
men up until this point have created.

640
00:42:45,920 –> 00:42:47,754
You say, Hey, I didn’t create this mess.

641
00:42:47,965 –> 00:42:51,055
But I’m gonna take responsibility
for cleaning it up in myself,

642
00:42:51,085 –> 00:42:54,385
in my relationships, in my
lineage, in my community, and

643
00:42:54,385 –> 00:42:55,795
as much as I can in the world.

644
00:42:56,115 –> 00:42:57,645
And not all men are up for that.

645
00:42:57,645 –> 00:43:00,825
It is, you know, it is something
to bite off and chew, but

646
00:43:00,825 –> 00:43:02,805
it is incredibly empowering.

647
00:43:03,215 –> 00:43:04,655
Empowering and liberating.

648
00:43:04,715 –> 00:43:06,666
I have seen for, so many
guys to say, You know what?

649
00:43:07,945 –> 00:43:11,305
All this stuff that happened to me,
you know, we could see this stuff often

650
00:43:11,305 –> 00:43:15,145
in the lineage, my dad was raised a
certain way, his dad was raised a certain

651
00:43:15,145 –> 00:43:16,905
way, his dad was raised a certain way.

652
00:43:17,185 –> 00:43:19,264
And when we’re willing to step
in and say, You know what?

653
00:43:19,355 –> 00:43:20,315
The buck stops here.

654
00:43:20,705 –> 00:43:23,555
I’m not willing to pass that
on, whether I have kids or not.

655
00:43:23,785 –> 00:43:27,565
I’m going to change this karma in my
generation and say, You know what?

656
00:43:27,785 –> 00:43:31,985
I am allowed to feel, I am allowed to
love, I don’t have to do it all alone.

657
00:43:32,705 –> 00:43:37,275
Power and sensitivity can go hand
in hand, it’s not either or like

658
00:43:37,275 –> 00:43:38,525
so many of us men are taught.

659
00:43:38,945 –> 00:43:41,745
And the world needs so much more of that.

660
00:43:45,075 –> 00:43:46,405
Ed Watters: I can’t agree more.

661
00:43:46,764 –> 00:43:48,404
You know, we’re hurt.

662
00:43:48,895 –> 00:43:54,045
And we need love and maturity and
understanding to bring it back together.

663
00:43:54,475 –> 00:44:01,695
Acceptance is the first step of
admitting that we have a problem.

664
00:44:02,424 –> 00:44:05,435
Houston, we have a problem and it’s huge.

665
00:44:05,655 –> 00:44:12,785
And I think that the glue to
fix this broken, whatever it

666
00:44:12,785 –> 00:44:16,045
is, is us being here today.

667
00:44:16,104 –> 00:44:21,140
And I think it’s very important
that people can reach out and

668
00:44:21,140 –> 00:44:23,090
find people like you, Jason.

669
00:44:23,100 –> 00:44:25,540
How can people find you?

670
00:44:26,770 –> 00:44:28,340
Jason Lange: Absolutely,
thanks for asking.

671
00:44:28,700 –> 00:44:33,250
You can keep up with me and all
of my work at evolutionary.men.

672
00:44:33,300 –> 00:44:35,439
So it’s not dot com, it’s dot men.

673
00:44:35,709 –> 00:44:39,510
And on there I’ve got a podcast of
my own, I’ve got some blogs, I’ve got

674
00:44:39,510 –> 00:44:42,550
retreats, programs, and a contact form.

675
00:44:42,550 –> 00:44:44,690
So even if you just have a question
as a guy and you’re like, Hey,

676
00:44:44,690 –> 00:44:45,610
I don’t know where to start.

677
00:44:45,840 –> 00:44:46,560
Just reach out.

678
00:44:46,590 –> 00:44:48,190
You know, you don’t even
have to work with me.

679
00:44:48,190 –> 00:44:52,640
I can point you to all kinds of
resources because I’m so fervent.

680
00:44:52,660 –> 00:44:55,769
Like, you know, part of my
mission is, I do believe, every

681
00:44:55,770 –> 00:44:56,960
man should be in a men’s group.

682
00:44:57,039 –> 00:45:01,490
And I thought, I think if we get
there as a society and as a culture,

683
00:45:01,570 –> 00:45:05,310
things will get so much better, that
we don’t have to do it alone as men.

684
00:45:05,690 –> 00:45:09,080
And it doesn’t mean you have
to have forty best friends.

685
00:45:09,130 –> 00:45:11,780
And when I say men’s group, I’m just
talking a couple of guys in your

686
00:45:11,780 –> 00:45:14,190
life that you go deep and get real.

687
00:45:14,645 –> 00:45:18,445
Get real with about what’s going
on and where you want to go.

688
00:45:18,705 –> 00:45:22,055
So you can find, uh, reach out
to me, you can find about all

689
00:45:22,055 –> 00:45:24,305
my stuff at evolutionary.men.

690
00:45:24,965 –> 00:45:26,705
Ed Watters: Very powerful, Jason.

691
00:45:26,955 –> 00:45:31,435
What you’re doing is worth
much respect and I want to

692
00:45:31,435 –> 00:45:33,085
say thank you for doing that.

693
00:45:33,554 –> 00:45:37,585
And thank you for sharing it here with
us today on the Dead America Podcast.

694
00:45:38,515 –> 00:45:38,815
Jason Lange: Yeah.

695
00:45:38,825 –> 00:45:41,165
Thanks so much for having me,
Ed, and creating a space like

696
00:45:41,165 –> 00:45:42,535
this to get the word out.

697
00:45:42,555 –> 00:45:44,055
And it’s really transformational.

698
00:45:44,055 –> 00:45:45,065
So, appreciating you.

699
00:45:48,315 –> 00:45:50,044
Ed Watters: Thank you
for joining us today.

700
00:45:50,625 –> 00:45:56,885
If you found this podcast enlightening,
entertaining, educational in any way,

701
00:45:57,665 –> 00:46:04,025
please share, like, subscribe, and join
us right back here next week for another

702
00:46:04,055 –> 00:46:06,985
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.

703
00:46:07,745 –> 00:46:12,268
I’m Ed Watters, your host, enjoy
your afternoon wherever you are.

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